Positive Parenting: Discipline vs. Punishment

Coauthored with Sarah MacLaughlin, LSW

The difference between punishment and discipline is vast, but many people still equate the two. Caregivers benefit greatly when they understand the difference and how to foster the latter because caregiver responses to child behavior affect long-term child development (Korioth, 2018).

One way to convey the difference is through sharing the root meaning of each word: discipline means “to teach,” while punishment means “to correct or cause pain.” Some additional key points are outlined below to help caregivers understand the differences.

Discipline:

• Has a long-term impact on behavior.
• Teaches through modeling, feedback, and coaching.
• Focuses on skill-building.
• Assumes positive intent and sees a child’s inherent goodness.
• May include natural or related/relevant consequences.
• Results in the child learning new skills to meet developmentally appropriate expectations.

Punishment:

• Has a short-term effect on behavior.
• Teaches through fear, threats, abandonment, and/or pain.
• Focuses on wrongdoing.
• Assumes negative intent and often includes judgment.
• May include unrelated, negative consequences.
• Outcome is often child avoidance and/or shame.

Source: Prostock-studio/Shutterstock

As noted, while punishment might extinguish unwanted behavior in the moment, it is rarely effective long-term (Korioth, 2018). Caregivers may need to understand the detrimental impact of punishment, especially corporal (physical) punishment, to shift to more productive approaches.

Research shows that physical punishment is not effective in attaining lasting positive behavior change and actually has the opposite effect: an outcome of children showing more negative behavior (Korioth, 2018). The AAP has taken a strong stance against spanking due to its ineffectiveness and potential to cause harm (Abbasi, 2019). However, harsh verbal punishment–particularly that triggers shame or humiliation–can also cause harm (Abbasi, 2019).

Positive parenting approaches help caregivers remember that punishment isn’t helpful for teaching and that discipline must be grounded in an understanding of child development and adult self-regulation. Some positive strategies for guiding child behavior:

• Ensure that expectations are developmentally appropriate.
• Model desired behavior, including emotion regulation.
• Notice and appreciate when children behave in a desired manner (“catch them in the act”).
• Make boundaries and expectations clear.
• Hold limits and make space for emotions.
• Ignore unwanted behavior (as long as it is safe to do so) and redirect the child.

Children thrive when caregivers have the resources and tools they need to provide discipline that is proactive and positive. Positive parenting approaches build a strong foundation for child learning, growth, and development.