The Astonishing Improbability of Love

Source: Tumisu/Pixabay license

In the 2017 Movie “The Clapper,” when the two main characters reveal their feelings for each other, one of them says, "What are the odds? I love you and you love me!" To me, this line perfectly expresses the astonishing improbability of love. Sure, one person may love another, and that other person may love someone, but what are the chances that the people they love will be each other?

I’ve thought a lot about why some people seem to find love easily—they break up with someone this week and are blissfully dating another the next—and why some look and look, maybe even date and date, but never seem to connect with anyone. This difference is due to many things, of course, but the one that stands out to me is openness, a receptiveness that does not dwell on the insignificant things, the petty “deal-breakers” that all too often doom relationships, but focuses on the one positive that matters: how the person makes you feel.

The people who do this, who ignore the irrelevant details that so often bedazzle us (as well as the minor idiosyncrasies that drive so many of us nuts), rule out fewer potential partners for the wrong reasons, and therefore have more people choose from for the right ones. They’re more likely to find a kind, compassionate person who may not be the most stunningly attractive, wear the most stylish clothes, or have the most impressive job—and they won’t be fooled by these things into spending time with an inconsiderate, rude jerk. Instead, they'll be open to finding a person they fit with on a personal level, whom they can talk with, spend with, and be comfortable with—in short, the person who makes them feel the way they want to feel.

The same people are also willing to risk love itself, both the tremendous highs when things are going well and the agonizing lows when they aren’t. It isn’t enough to meet a person who’s right for you. You have to recognize it and take that chance, even though it might not work. You have to be open not only to a wide range of people but to the experience of love in all its variety, good and bad. In the best-case scenario, you find another person with whom you truly fit and develop a strong and deep bond. In the worst-case scenario, it doesn’t work, ending in a painful break-up, but you have a chance to try again, knowing more about yourself and what kind of person you fit best with.

So focus on what's important, ignore what isn't, and keep an open mind. Above all, acknowledge and appreciate the astonishing improbability of love when you find it. If it were easy, it wouldn't mean quite so much when it happens.