So you're not a "10" in every which way. But you're probably pretty spectacular in some way, and definitely good enough in most areas of life. If ever there were a time to stop beating yourself up for being human, it is now.
“The Female Orgasm. The Big O. That elusive, reclusive Loch Ness of the labia. Does it prove the existence of God, or just His twisted sense of humor?”
―Kirstie Collins Brote, Beware of Love in Technicolor
Our culture is replete with messages about orgasms; some more accurate than others. One common message is that orgasms are easy for men and difficult for women. Indeed, there would, at first glance, appear to be some hard science to back up this notion, often referred to as the "Orgasm Gap." For example, Laumann and colleagues1 found that men reported experiencing orgasm during 85-95% of their partnered sexual experiences. Not bad. Other research has reported that the numbers are not as high for women, with women in heterosexual relationships reporting that they experience orgasm in only 40-65% of their partnered sexual encounters.2 Is it truly that much more difficult for women to experience orgasm? Are female orgasms just an elusive "sometimes" experience compared to the nearly sure-thing male orgasm?
In response to the Orgasm Gap, some have tried to argue that we should not be as orgasm-centric in evaluating our sex lives, and there is merit to this argument. Your ability to connect with and enjoy sexual activity with another person should not be valued only based on the occurrence of orgasm, such that any sexual encounter with an orgasm is deemed a success and any encounter without one is deemed a failure. To evaluate our sex lives in such a way would ignore the multi-faceted experiences of sexuality and intimacy.
Yet, at the same time, when we tell women that "orgasms aren't everything," we must be careful in assessing precisely why we are sending that message—and why we are sending it to women, in particular, far more often than we send it to men. Are we telling women that orgasms aren't everything because we want to empower women to enjoy all of the other sensual aspects of their sexuality, or are we just trying to convince them to go on with their orgasm-less sex lives as though that's all they can really ever expect?
Not all sexual activities are equally likely to result in satisfying orgasms.
Source: Pexels
To really understand what kind of advice we should be offering to women who experience difficulty achieving orgasm or who experience it less frequently than they would like to, we need to know a little bit more about orgasms.
If you've had two orgasms, you probably already know that one orgasm does not tell you everything there is to know about all of the possible orgasms that you might experience in your life. Orgasms seem to come in many varieties and yet research has rarely stopped to ask people which orgasms they enjoy the most.
One of the key features that set this study apart from others on orgasms and sexual satisfaction was that it included the perspectives of individuals in same-sex relationships as well as the more commonly studied perspectives of those in mixed-sex relationships. As such, we were able to compare women's experiences of orgasm based on the gender of their partner: a man, or another woman.
Women in same-sex relationships were most likely to experience multiple orgasms.
Source: Pexels.
This turned out to be a crucial piece of information, as the experience of sex without orgasm was only common for women in relationships with men, not women in relationships with other women. Not only that, but by also examining orgasms that result from different kinds of sexual activities, we also learned that women are equally capable of experiencing satisfying orgasms when they masturbate—regardless of the type of relationship that they are in. In other words, it doesn't seem that heterosexual women have anything physically holding them back from experiencing satisfying orgasms, but rather, it seems that women in relationships with men are less likely to engage in sexual activities that produce the most satisfying orgasms for women.
What are these "most satisfying orgasms" you ask? In general, women rate the orgasms that they experience as a result of receiving oral sex as being the most satisfying. Indeed, heterosexual men were the only group of participants in the study who highly rated the satisfaction of orgasms derived from vaginal penetration!
The type of relationship a participant was in (same-sex or mixed-sex) was also associated with the satisfaction they reported from different types of orgasms. For example, even though all women tended to report that orgasms from oral sex were the most satisfying, women in same-sex relationships still reported greater satisfaction with such orgasms than women in mixed-sex relationships.
We are not entirely sure what the cause of this difference may be, but some possible explanations include varying levels of comfort with one's body and genitals, a lack of desire among women in mixed-sex relationships to "return the favor" of oral sex (as women in mixed-sex relationships reported very low satisfaction with giving oral sex), the shorter duration of time that mixed-sex couples spend having sex compared to same-sex couples,3 or good ole' adherence to heterosexual scripts that tend to prioritize the male orgasm.
However, before you conclude that things are looking rather dim for women in mixed-sex relationships, there are some silver linings worth highlighting. One is that men in mixed-sex relationships reported high satisfaction with giving oral sex, as well as a desire to do so more frequently. You read that right: Men want to go down on their female partners more. This seems like a win-win situation, but perplexingly, women in mixed-sex relationships didn't report wanting to receive more oral sex. This may relate back to social norms about women's sexual roles and the expectations of women to be passive, rather than active agents who seek out and ask for the activities (i.e., oral sex) that will bring them the greatest sexual satisfaction.
Thus, while orgasms don't need to be the only focal point of all sexual activity, we should also be wary of discouraging people from seeking out activities that might increase their likelihood of experiencing more satisfying orgasms, especially if we feel that we might be motivated to provide such advice on the faulty assumption that orgasms are more difficult for women than they are for men. In addition to learning more about the variety of orgasms in general, this study provides a great example of how using LGBTQ-inclusive research methods can help shed light on everyone's experiences and well-being, both within and beyond the LGBTQ community.
Want to learn more?
Check out the Video Abstract below.
References
1: Laumann, E. O., Gagnon, J. H., Michael, R. T., & Michaels, S. (1994). The social organization of sexuality: Sexual practices in the United States. Chicago, IL: University of Chicago Press.
2: Haning, R. V., O’Keefe, S. L., Randall, E. J., Kommor, M. J., Baker, E., & Wilson, R. (2007). Intimacy, orgasm likelihood, and conflict predict sexual satisfaction in heterosexual male and female respondents. Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, 33(2), 93–113. doi:10.1080/00926230601098449
Submitted by Lucifer A on October 26, 2018 - 12:54am
First and foremost women don't experience frequent orgasms, because unlike male orgasm, female orgasm is not a naturally selected adaptation from evolutionary forces, as both ethnographic or biological evidence support this notion.
Females probably experience orgasm only because orgasm is adaptive to males in the first place.
On the contrary, in males orgasm serves a vital biological function both in terms of ejaculation and as a great motivation to have more sex, perhaps as a learned behaviour from the guaranteed pleasure experienced in every sexual encounter. This in addition to the already strong male libido from high testosterone levels. Hence, the efficiency and effectiveness in the ability of males to have orgasm related to its vital biological function demonstrates that male orgasm was selected by natural evolutionary forces.
On the other hand, in most mammalian species the only known function of the clitoris is to generate sensation during copulation, with no convincing evidence of natural selection being responsible for clitoral anatomical design being efficient in orgasm production. Probably female orgasm was context dependent, example the, circumstances, sexual partner, duration and type of sexual activity involved.
After all the clitoris and the penis are homologous, both having a common embryological origin. However, the penis develops into a functional large erectile organ while the clitoris remains somewhat as a rudimentary organ. Something like male nipples.
This is the major evolutionary reason for the "orgasmic gender gap", I'm afraid a gap which will never going to close anytime soon.
In regards, to the difference in orgasm involving the mixed and same sex couple. Men would prefer to have more frequent but experience short duration of sexual intercourse encounters while lesbian couples likely have less frequent but longer duration of sexual encounter with more foreplay. Example, lesbian couples may have sex once a week with duration of sex lasting 30 min whereas heterosexual couple probably have sex 4 times a week with each sexual encounter duration probably averaging 15 min.
Moreover, male sex drive is spontaneous and easily aroused by visual stimuli while female sex drive is more responsive that often requires emotional bonding.
In essence, these gender differences in sexual natures and orgasm frequencies' just boil down to the fundamental differences that exist between the sexes, that for some perplexing reasons often get ignored or foolishly trying to eliminate these sex differences.
"If it quacks like a duck, it probably is a duck, unless it is an American coot which is not a duck but commonly is mistaken for a duck. Occam's Razor, the simplest explanation is usually the correct one. Easy, no need to complicate issues.
What more can I say.....Mother Nature prefers her sons compared to her daughters.....as she always has from the beginning!
Submitted by anonymous on October 26, 2018 - 10:04pm
Anonymous wrote:
First and foremost women don't experience frequent orgasms
False. A good number of women can have many orgasms within minutes, which is virtually impossible for men. They call them "multiple orgasms". That terminology is never applied to men, only to women.
wrote:
because unlike male orgasm, female orgasm is not a naturally selected adaptation from evolutionary forces, as both ethnographic or biological evidence support this notion.
Actually, it appears to be the complete opposite. As you say, men's orgasms are associated with delivery of sperm, but that requires only one orgasm per session. So after an orgasm, men experience an inhibitory effect for further orgasms, during which they also typically get very sleepy. This is not the case for women, a good many of whom are capable of continuing on to another orgasm within minutes, or even seconds, and another, etc.
wrote:
Females probably experience orgasm only because orgasm is adaptive to males in the first place.
Not quite clear. It's pretty obvious that women who do not experience regular orgasms in some way in long-term relationships (especially) tend to lose interest in sex more than women who experience orgasm.
wrote:
On the contrary, in males orgasm serves a vital biological function both in terms of ejaculation and as a great motivation to have more sex, perhaps as a learned behaviour from the guaranteed pleasure experienced in every sexual encounter. This in addition to the already strong male libido from high testosterone levels. Hence, the efficiency and effectiveness in the ability of males to have orgasm related to its vital biological function demonstrates that male orgasm was selected by natural evolutionary forces.
You've posted the same biolerplate 101 stuff countless times to other articles in this blog. What's your point?
wrote:
After all the clitoris and the penis are homologous, both having a common embryological origin. However, the penis develops into a functional large erectile organ while the clitoris remains somewhat as a rudimentary organ. Something like male nipples.
False. The internal parts of the clitoris extend the length of the vagina.
wrote:
This is the major evolutionary reason for the "orgasmic gender gap", I'm afraid a gap which will never going to close anytime soon.
That's only your theory, and has not been accepted in science as a valid explanation for a "gap" as far as I know. For one thing, it leaves inexplicable why a good many women can have multiple orgasms while men cannot, which is the exact opposite of what your "theory" would predict.
wrote:
Moreover, male sex drive is spontaneous and easily aroused by visual stimuli while female sex drive is more responsive that often requires emotional bonding.
And your point is? How does this relate to the discussion. It seems you have so much biolerplate you want to copy and paste for the 100th time that relevance is not a big issue for you!
wrote:
In essence, these gender differences in sexual natures and orgasm frequencies' just boil down to the fundamental differences that exist between the sexes, that for some perplexing reasons often get ignored or foolishly trying to eliminate these sex differences.
Your theories are marginally interesting, but not convincing nor air-tight.
wrote:
"If it quacks like a duck, it probably is a duck, unless it is an American coot which is not a duck but commonly is mistaken for a duck. Occam's Razor, the simplest explanation is usually the correct one. Easy, no need to complicate issues.
But your explanations are a bit contrived and don't even reflect reality with regard to women in many cases.
wrote:
What more can I say.....Mother Nature prefers her sons compared to her daughters.....as she always has from the beginning!
What kind of nonsense is that? If anything, one could argue nature perfers daughters. We are likely already at the point where people could be cloned. In which case only women are needed to keep the human race going with only daughters. And that's aside from the more frequent disorders related to the fact that there is no backup for the X chromosome, making colorblindness MUCH MORE COMMON IN MEN. So much for "favoring daughters" all around.
You fill up 3 screens of text and then finish by saying:
"Occam's Razor, the simplest explanation is usually the correct one. "
I didn't read all of your pseudo-science gibberish, but I was entertained by your closing comment. If it was a simple explanation it wouldn't require that I press the page-down key twice to get to the end of it.
Submitted by Lucifer A on October 30, 2018 - 12:53am
Simple explanation means the reasoning is not complicated as oppose to the article's stand which claims somewhat of a mysterious or doubtful overall notion attached to the subject matter.
However, the crux of the subject matter having a simple explanation does not mean the explanation needs to be short text. In fact, often the simple reasoning is best understood by long and clear explanation.
Why conflate and misconstrue these two separate elements?
Submitted by anonymous on October 30, 2018 - 12:58am
That might be a reasonable response on your part if only your original post wasn't factually inaccurate in the first place. You seem to not really know your material as well as someone who has experience and or done serious research on the matter. You sound like somebody who just read some stuff and is copying and pasting and making up some things.
Submitted by Autumn Goddess on October 26, 2018 - 3:41am
For many men, it's easier to pretend it doesn't exist than it is to admit they can't figure it out. Women in heterosexual relationships usually just can't be bothered... Why spend 30 minutes or more with a clumsy male when she can masterbate and get the job done herself in moments, with a much better, stronger result? And do it again and again and again if needed or desired?
Men climax faster thru vaginal intercourse than masterbation, which drives their desire for sex. Women climax faster thru masterbation, causing a more selective or lower desire for vaginal sex.
No surprise that lesbians have more orgasms during sex... since the article doesn't define what is considered 'sex' here. They have likely overcome the inhibition of pleasuring themselves in the presence of their partner. They are masterbating together -- and probably leaving Mr. Rabbit in the nightstand drawer.
Submitted by anonymous on October 26, 2018 - 10:08pm
Anonymous wrote:
Men climax faster thru vaginal intercourse than masterbation, which drives their desire for sex.
Where did you get that information, or did you just make it up? Is it based on just your personal experience. I can tell you this is not true at all for many men.
Submitted by Autumn Goddess on October 26, 2018 - 11:33am
I rarely bother to post comments on magazine articles. But it was late... and when Lucifer started out with "women don't experience frequent orgasms" I couldn't resist writing a rebuttal to another narcissistic male telling me what my experience is. I prefer to not speak in absolutes, so I won't say 'all women', but after a couple decades of watching my own ape have his one orgasm and fall asleep, I can say with absolute certainty that Mother Nature did not disfavor women.
This article made me smile when I recalled a recent discussion I had with some friends... We noticed that while many men tend to be touchy if it is suggested they are gay, a lot of women will joke that they wish they were!
Submitted by anonymous on October 26, 2018 - 10:12pm
Anonymous wrote:
... after a couple decades of watching my own ape have his one orgasm and fall asleep, I can say with absolute certainty that Mother Nature did not disfavor women.
I would have to agree with you, based on my personal experience with women. But you have to understand that Lucifer has elsewhere posted that he prefers prostitutes and has apparently only had sex with them, and never had a real girlfriend. And so his whole world experience is therefore of women who never orgasm, or only fake orgasms if asked to, etc.
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