In Love and War

Rethinking the way we treat ourselves.

Juliana Breines Ph.D.

Why It’s Not Always Easy to Turn Away an Unwanted Sexual Advance

People are taught to “just say no” to intimate acts they’re not comfortable with. But sometimes advances are made in ways that make refusal more difficult than it should be.

4 Cognitive Biases That Can Impair Pandemic Decision-Making

As we navigate risk-related decisions during the COVID-19 pandemic, recognizing potential biases in our judgments may help us make choices we feel good about.

Why Some People Really Resent Do-Gooders

Someone who donates a kidney to a stranger seems worthy of high praise. But reactions to a recent viral article reveal that this is not always what happens.

Can Being Kind to Yourself Improve Health?

Coping with health challenges can be stressful. Research suggests that self-compassion may help quell health-related anxieties and motivate us to address problems proactively.

4 Reasons We Unfairly Judge Others

Seeing someone struggling doesn’t always evoke compassion—sometimes it evokes the opposite: judgment and blame.

3 Ways That Negative Stereotypes About Aging Become Reality

Compounding the effects of age discrimination, negative beliefs about aging can become internalized in ways that harm health and well-being.

4 Deeper Psychological Causes of Mask-Related Hostility

Do you find yourself feeling irritated when you see someone wearing a mask? Here are four potential reasons for this reaction that you might not have considered before.

3 Ways We Lie to Ourselves

The whole point of self-deception is that we don’t know we’re doing it. But the truth has subtle ways of revealing itself to us.

Why We May Not Realize That Our Friends Are Struggling

When we’re struggling, it can feel like no one else would understand. But it’s possible that others are going through the exact same thing—and we’re just not seeing it.

How Being a People-Pleaser May Harm Performance at Work

In a job interview or other high stakes context, it can be tempting to say what you think the other person wants to hear. But catering to others' expectations can backfire.

Why People Are Drawn to Horror Movies During the Pandemic

Fictional fear can be oddly comforting—and instructional.

“A Teacher” Illustrates the Difficulty of Recognizing Abuse

In a new miniseries, viewers gain insight into some of the ways victims may be blindsided by predatory behavior.

Could Worrying Be Good for Your Health?

When it comes to health, “don’t worry about it” may not always be the best advice.

3 Situations Where Giving Support Can Increase Stress

Supporting others not only benefits the recipient; it can also benefit the giver by reducing stress and improving well-being. But this is only true under certain conditions.

In The Extreme, These “Good” Personality Traits Can Turn Bad

Certain personality traits are associated with better relationships, career success, and other benefits. But taken too far, these traits can have the reverse effect.

Which Is More Empowering, Forgiveness or Revenge?

The best way to respond when we’ve been hurt may depend on a number of factors, including the offender’s intentions.

Three Reasons It Can Be Hard to Know What You Really Want

These psychological biases may hinder your ability not just to reach your goals, but to know what they are in the first place.

Six Common Ways People Justify Unethical Behavior

People sometimes behave in ways they know to be unethical yet continue to see themselves as moral people. Here are some possible reasons why.

Self-Compassion vs. Letting Yourself Off the Hook

Are you being self-compassionate or just taking the easy way out? Ask yourself these four questions to distinguish between the two.

5 Awkward Things People Say to Men and Women Who Don't Have Kids

Misconceptions about non-parents are common and can make for awkward conversations. Here are some tips for navigating them.

Can Self-Compassion Help You Get to Bed Earlier?

Do you ever find yourself staying up too late despite your best intentions? If so, this approach might help.

10 Ideas for Coping with Loneliness During Social Distancing

Social distancing is essential for saving lives during the pandemic. Here are some ideas for reducing the feelings of loneliness that can accompany it.

5 Things Our Judgments of Others Say About Us

Research suggests that the way we evaluate others provides insight into our own desires, fears, and personalities.

If You're Haunted by Regret, Ask Yourself These 3 Questions

Regret is hard to avoid, but there are ways to lighten the burden. Research suggests that these three perspective shifts can help.

This New Year's Day, Celebrate Your Successes

Far from self-indulgence, this strategy might be a more effective way to reach your goals.

These Common Ways of Seeking Happiness Can Backfire

It’s natural to want to be happier. But research suggests that the things we do to increase our happiness don’t always work the way we hope they will.

Think You Lack Willpower? Here Is Another Possibility

On the surface, a lack of willpower might seem like a personal failing, but research suggests the truth is more complicated. In some situations, it may be the more logical choice.

What Motivates People to Take Health Risks?

Why do people sometimes behave in ways that put their health at risk, even when they have no desire to harm themselves? Research suggests social concerns can play a role.

How Rejection Sensitivity Derails Relationships

It’s common to have fears and insecurities about relationships, but sometimes these fears take on a life of their own—with destructive consequences.

Why Some People Resent "Do-Gooders"

Success may inspire others, but it can also fuel resentment. Here’s why — and what you can do about it.

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