Who Are You? 6 Questions to Help You Find Out

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When you step back and look at yourself and your life, what do you see? Not in terms of appearance, but in terms of your identity. What makes you, you? Here are some questions to help you define yourself.

#1. Ten or twenty years from now, what would you like people to say about you?

This may be about your profession—that you are an expert in what you do, the go-to person who has the answers, that maverick who has a unique and creative approach. Or it may be about your personal life—that you are known for making a difference in your community, that matriarch or patriarch who helped family members steer that big ship of life or a role model for others in navigating the journey from struggling to succeeding. This is about reputation but also goals, creating the person you may ultimately want to be.

#2. What represents the best of you?

We all have multiple aspects to ourselves, but usually, there are one or two that, on a good day, take center stage, that represents the best of you, what you are most proud of: your sense of humor, your ability to stand up for what you believe in, bringing out the best in others, or your holding fast and doing the best you can despite all the obstacles in your life. What about you do you appreciate and admire the most? How can you bring these to the forefront of your everyday life?

#3. What struggles have you had to have overcome that have shaped your personality in some important way?

We all have ongoing trials and challenges in our lives. They may be big, such as an addiction that derailed your life and took you years to face and eventually tame; or a relationship with a child or parent who struggled themselves and you, in turn, struggled to figure out how you could help; it could be childhood trauma, a medical challenge. Or maybe it was something seemingly more ordinary: overcoming your fear at public speaking, learning to navigate and get your sea legs as a new parent, or conquering a job that you felt sure at the start you could never do. Your challenges are yours to define.

The purpose of this question is to step back, realize, and give yourself credit for how far you've come, for acknowledging your ability to overcome life's challenges despite your fears or lack of skills or support. By sharing these experiences and lessons with others, you not only have an opportunity to be a role model for others, but also create intimacy in your relationships.

#4. What is your purpose in life?

"What is the one thing that you can do that no one else can do because of who you are?" asked Buckminster Fuller. When you step back and look at your personality, passions, talents, and challenges, what is your life telling you about what you were destined to be or do? The answer may be clear and immediate, or for too many of us, it may be the smallest wisp of passion that you have felt but too quickly overlooked, a strong feeling of want that is so different from all those shoulds in your head.

If you know, are you living that purposeful life? If not, why not? If you don't know, what do you need to pay attention to in order to find out?

#5: What are your core values?

Values are the adult upgraded version of childhood shoulds. Rather than doing what you should do to be what others think you need to be, you, as a grown-up, decide what you believe makes a good person, a good life that you are willing to strive for, a code you're willing to live by. You get to create this; you get to choose.

It is the creating and choosing that is important. It separates us as humans from the rest of all the forms of life in the world. You are making your life rather than just living your life. You are actively deciding who you want to be and become rather than passively taking what you get.

This is a gift. What are the 5 core values that govern your life? If you don't have them, step back and choose: How do you want to be? How do you want to treat others?

#6: What would you want to be your epitaph?

Out of all the above—your purpose, passions, struggles, contributions, and beliefs—what would you want to be the summary of your life? What of all this is most important that you want others to remember you for, appreciate, that you most appreciate and are proud of, that you most want to accomplish in that short span of time that is your life?

This is about the ultimate point of it all. Reflect, drop down into your passions and dreams and see what you discover. Be you, the you want to be.