Final Analysis: Holiday Soundtrack

A twist on familiar seasonal tunes.

By Andrea Bartz, published on November 1, 2011 - last reviewed on June 9, 2016

It's the most wonderful time of the year! Enjoy the unmistakable soundtrack to the holiday season all year long with this limited-edition album.

  1. Salvation Army Bell Rock (14:45)

    The incessant, crescendoing jingle of a red-vested volunteer, accented by the ping of coins dropping into a big red bucket.

  2. The Black Friday Shuffle (11:02)

    Authentic recordings taken outside a suburban Target in the wee morning hours of November 26, 2010.

  3. Airport Limbo Rock (3:07)

    A steady stream of crackly and nearly unintelligible flight updates indicating delays and cancellations. There's no place like Gate 29A for the holidays!

  4. Carol of Your Hell (9:15)

    Why manually scan the radio? We turn the dial for you, flying through no fewer than 16 three- to eight-second clips of holiday favorites, including "Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer," "Carol of the Bells," "I Saw Mama Kissing Santa Claus," "All I Want for Christmas Is You," and various metallic clanging noises that are probably Mannheim Steamroller. After all, carols are just as bracing on Day 108 as they are on Day One (sometime in October).

  5. Grease on Earth (3:49)

    This time of year, your commute stretches to three times its normal length, and drivers respond in the holiday spirit by cutting you off, edging you out of traffic to gain one car-length, squealing into your parking spot, and flipping you a gleeful finger. Get into the spirit with a soundtrack of shrieking brakes, bleating horns, and much angry muttering.

  6. Teenagers at the Dinner Table (57:16)

    Almost a full hour of sulky silence!

  7. It's a Wonderful Movie (6:10)

    A bevy of excellent orators babble on about the excellence of It's a Wonderful Life. Yes, you've tried to like it every holiday season, without success. Maybe this will be the year you finally "get" it.

  8. Little Drummer Boy Remix (2:51)

    Can't choose a favorite cover of this Christmas classic? We mashed up recordings of the holiday evergreen performed by no fewer than eight different artists, including Frank Sinatra, Bon Iver, the Peanuts gang, Cee Lo Green, Celine Dion, and the guy who did the voice of Barney Rubble on The Flintstones.