By PT Staff, published on November 5, 2004 - last reviewed on April 14, 2008
Yes, good sex is one of life's greatest pleasures. It enriches us in every way and reminds us of what we cherish in ourselves and our partners.
But satisfying sex is not automatic, although it can be effortless. And, contrary to much popular thinking, it's not a question of mechanics.
Good sex starts with a great attitude, insist psychologists Michael S. Broder and Arlene Golman, co-authors of Secrets of Sexual Ecstasy, from the Psychology Today Here to Help series. You and your partner need to foster an environment that's conducive to ecstasy—and then let it happen.
"By giving yourself permission to experience pleasurable sensations in the moment, by connecting to your partner and by learning to openly express your desires, turn-ons and pleasures and by asking for what you want, you will be well on your way to making sexual ecstasy a scintillating new facet of your relationship," they observe.
We live in a culture that sizzles with sex—on TV, in our computers, on magazine racks. But the net effect of all the sexual information that bombards our brains can be confusing. It can fill us with false expectations, inspire shame and guilt, and block the natural flow of thoughts and feelings our minds require to become aroused.
Goldman and Broder spell out what you can do to begin your journey to sexual ecstasy. If your partner is receptive, have him or her complete the exercises alone or with you. Here are some tips:
And that's just for starters. You can get all the secrets of great sex by ordering Psychology Today Here to Help: Secrets of Sexual Ecstasy by Drs. Broder and Goldman.