Advice: Nice Guys Finish First

A man seeks advice on how to be more attractive to women.

By Hara Estroff Marano, published on January 1, 2004 - last reviewed on June 9, 2016

Women say they want an understanding, sweet guy, but when I
act that way they quickly lose interest. I sense that women get bored
with me; I feel anxious or run out of things to say. I ask about their
job, their family and I try to show interest in them. What can I do to
become more engaging?

Light yourself on fire—become interesting to yourself. What
makes people interesting is being curious about and interested in things
and developing those interests to the point of passion. That fire draws
others to you. What’s more, it turns your attention outward, so
that you are not anxiously focused on your own performance. Yes,
it’s true: Women increasingly want sweetness and understanding in
their men—but not at the expense of interests, competence and good
old self-confidence.