I'm engaged to a man I love. I had no worries until two weeks ago, when he confessed that he used to have gay relationships. Why, then, is he attracted to me? What if he decides I'm just not enough?

Used to have? And marriage will change that? Someone is still counting on the tooth fairy. For most men, a sexual attraction to people of the same gender starts at an early age and operates at a very deep level within, probably indelibly.

His feelings for men have nothing to do with you; his sexual orientation is not a measure of your attractiveness or whether you are, or are not, "enough." It's about how his brain is wired. Because it runs counter to the norms of our culture and the expectations of most parents, homosexuality can be difficult for some people to accept about themselves; your fiancé is likely one of them.

While you probably now feel deeply unsettled about your future, you should be grateful that your fiancé told you sooner rather than later. He is likely struggling with his own desires, and hoping marriage will magically transform his inner landscape to match the cultural norm. Of course, it does nothing of the kind.

This is the time for a frank and loving talk with your fiancé—not easy because you have much invested in the relationship and its future. But the likelihood that gay attraction is a thing of his past is not great. You don't want a relationship that looks fine on the surface but which encourages him to have furtive gay encounters (think: Larry Craig).

Thank your fiancé for his difficult disclosure and let him know you've been thinking about it. You might tell him you know that romantic attractions are not completely a matter of choice and ask him to tell you honestly about his attractions for other men. For you, one resolution could be ending the engagement, maintaining a friendship, and looking for a new partner. For him, much more is at stake—confronting his own identity as a sexual being and, perhaps, the way the world looks at him. Be kind; draw not just on your disappointment but on your affection for each other.

I am a mid-30s professional woman with advanced degrees. I entered a career based on my parents' demands, and took on a large educational debt. I exercise to excess to keep my grandmother happy, as she believes it's a woman's responsibility to be thin.

At work, I routinely let vacation days lapse so that I won't inconvenience my coworkers. I have never taken a sick day. During my recent pregnancy I missed doctor's appointments to be at work, performed more tasks than my coworkers, came to work early and left late, and generally put my health at risk. My coworkers' own wives are pampered. Now I am financially, spiritually, and physically broken. I have been demanding more respect but this "rocks the boat." How do I retrain people to treat me with deference?

You are caught in the trap of perfectionism, a steady source of negative emotions because it keeps you focused on the very thing you most want to avoid—negative evaluation. At heart, you are haunted by uncertainty about how well you perform your tasks. The impossibly high standards you set for yourself are not just wearing you out; they lead you to see your coworkers (and their spouses) as inferior. As long as you hold that view, you will never get their respect.

After decades of trying to be what others want, you need to figure out what you want. Then you can meet with coworkers and seek their help in designing a new set of expectations and routines for all of you.

You can't demand respect; you have to generate it. One way is to articulate very clearly what you will now do and what that means for your coworkers, and give them the chance to reconfigure their own practices to meet the (unchanged) goals for the group. Taking initiative and speaking unemotionally and without condescension will help create the respect you want. Identify three work changes you want to make. Be specific (for example, coming in and leaving on time; taking all your vacation days; and so on). Don't ask for permission to change; you're not ducking responsibilities, just seeking a better balance of responsibilities for all. Tell coworkers that changes in your own life have highlighted the need for a fair distribution of workload for everyone. You can confide that because of your own quirks, you have long donated personal time to your job, but that is no longer possible, and you don't expect anyone else to sacrifice personal time. Then ask them how you can all be sure that the tasks of the group will still get done well. Make a list of the redistributed tasks for all. And thank everyone for their cooperation.

By email, I inquired about a job as an assistant to a chief executive. First I was asked what I thought the position would entail. Then I was asked my qualifications. I sent a detailed cover letter. Today the company wrote that the CEO doesn't need an assistant, but with my passion and determination, I will surely find a position somewhere else.

After I explained what the job entailed, why couldn't I have been told that the CEO doesn't need an assistant? You pour out your heart and soul and then get a two-line response a monkey could have written. It's infuriating.

Congratulations! You got some response. Employers are making you mad because your expectations about what it takes to find a job are highly unrealistic. Remember all those kids you were competing with to get into college? Well, you're now competing with them to get a job—in a slowing economy. Had you educated yourself about today's job market you wouldn't find yourself infuriated by routine responses and minor episodes of rejection. Landing a job can take a lot of persistence.

Investing 45 minutes in crafting a letter sounds less like tapping heart and soul than taking the necessary time to articulate your interest in a company and your special qualifications. This is the moment to deploy your personal charm and best writing skills; it takes time and effort to polish such an introduction.

The onus is on you to distinguish yourself as an applicant. It is possible that the company you contacted had no specific job available, but was open to being impressed by the freshness, ingenuity, or creativity of a resourceful applicant. A company might then be willing to make a position available; picture a résumé being sent to a department head by the CEO with a Post-it Note saying, "Please take a look at this kid." Such informal recommendations carry considerable weight.

Upon our recent visit (the first since 1989; we had never been invited) to my in-laws' Phoenix home, my husband fell getting out of their Jacuzzi and had to go to the emergency room. He had sprained his ankle and was on crutches for our two-week visit. Our insurance claim was denied, and our insurer wanted to sue theirs, but we declined and sent the bill to my mother-in-law. She called my husband to say that she was "disgusted" and added that "none of your brothers would do this." My husband and I are both disabled and receive Social Security Disability. My in-laws have more money than we do. My husband suffers from bipolar disorder and doesn't need this stress. Were we correct in sending them the bill?

Slipping and falling is a predictable danger arising from wet feet and wet surfaces, and an adult assumes that risk merely by bathing. Personal injury on someone else's property may be covered by their homeowner's insurance. Recovering the expense of the injury could have been an impersonal matter between insurers, but you chose to make it personal—your first mistake.

It's hard to imagine that you actually expected a positive response, given the chilly nature of the relationship. Still, you and your husband set yourselves up to be at the mercy of their personal decision—and now don't like it because it doesn't go in your favor. You can't have it both ways.Your mother-in-law certainly could have used more tact in talking to her son.

None of this revolves around who has more money, and believing it does is your second major mistake. The third: expecting from your husband's parents payment for hurts the two of you have incurred. You and he are grown-ups now, and regardless how generous or stingy his parents are, it is your responsibility to look at them with realistic expectations. Further, you can take responsibility for engineering a better relationship; you don't have to be powerless supplicants.

No one "deserves" to deal with stress of this kind, but you and hubby played major roles in creating the current situation and in refusing resolution through channels set up for that purpose. You simply wound up with a new supply of ammunition to continue the stressful wounded-child status you and your husband seem determined to cling to.

Send your questions to askhara@psychologytoday.com.

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