There are always red flags. Little things that tell you to slow down, to say no, to stop.
Take a look at this segment of an application to graduate school written by James Holmes1 - 20 months before he became the Aurora shooter (August, 2012.) A layperson may recognize that the letter is not well-written or that the author is trying too hard to make a good impression. But psychologist, Dan Tranel, Ph.D., Director of University of Iowa Neuroscience Graduate Program, saw red flags that prompted him to state, "Do NOT offer admission under any circumstances."
What a psychologist recognizes
Despite his effort to impress, Holmes made his psychopathology evident. Generally, Holmes' self-important tone is not a sign of confidence. It is a sign of insecurity and emotional immaturity. Specifically, three sentences make the hairs on the back of any seasoned psychologist's neck stand up:
How to recognize red flags like a psychologist does
Take decisive action when you see trouble
Absent serious mental illness, the common factor among all red-flag behaviors is emotional immaturity. Under ordinary circumstances, recognizing trouble when you see it means being able to recognize emotional immaturity - in others and in yourself. Signs of emotional immaturity include:
Recognizing red flags/emotional immaturity is the first step. In order to improve our relationships and quality of life, we must take decisive action. See previous post: Four Keys to Constructively Not Giving In. And remember Dr. Tranel's words, "Do NOT offer admission under any circumstances."
1. Read James Holmes' rejected grad school application letter by Dylan Stableford, Yahoo News/ The Lookout - Thu, Aug 30, 2012.