Matt manka and Debbie manka Psychologist story
I read the story about Lifestreams Solutions Counseling Center(Arizona) about Matt Manka And Debbie Manka. Matt was the Psychologist who married his patient Debbie and it destroyed their family and kids etc. There is a reason psychologists arent supposed to marry or date their clients. They have ultimate mental/emotional leverage over the patient. Mr. Manka should have considered the well being of her children and family before forcing his gold-digging agenda onto that family(who i undrstand are millionares). Its a disgrace,the whole story. Manka was even counseling the couple for marriage problems before moving in on the wife. Is she deaf,dumb and blind or what? Any comments out there?

Anonymous, I'm not sure what your comment has to do with Bella's post... Maybe I missed something...

I'm very intrigued. The title of the book has been ringing in my ears all day!
I can certainly relate to a few of those quotations. I have never aspired to get married and have children, and although I may choose to purse those things in the future, as a single woman in her mid-twenties, I am quite content with my relationship status, probably because there isn't anyone in particular I'm longing to be in a relationship with.

Sounds like inspirational stuff. I'll put it on the list right after your book, Bella, which is sitting here, waiting for me to get some time to read it (too busy reading blogs instead!)

RE: I Didn’t Work This Hard Just to Get Married (2009)

Number one, the institution of marriage does not appeal to me. Number two, I am not an angry black woman. I am a veteran in the world of unmarried America, butI do want to weigh in on this book.

The last African-American male I dated was in 1977, so this book brings me up-to-date on what is going on in the dating and marrying scene in black America. This book “Jewel- like” biographical cameos… author, Nika has not only peopled the new females of color singles as a series of distinctive human faces—but has also offered the reader a measure of insight into the lives played out in modern society. I read this book while laying in my hammock outside in the early morning sunlight on a lazy day of summer.

For me, reading most of the interviews in this book is like watching great actors: It's startling, and uncomfortably entertaining, and kind of sad, it's a steamy, and smart. The interview by Attorney and Professor Shenequa Grey struck a “note” with me, pages 61-63 in particular. I agree one-hundred percent with her statement that “She is often irritated by the misperception that successful African American women like herself are angry merely because they are unmarried.” Furthermore, Ms. Grey is correct in addressing the issue of so-called “play marriages”, women have allowed themselves to become sex objects rather than full human beings with a variety of needs, as well as the addition to women putting themselves at health risks by sleeping with various men, etc.

Additionally Ms. Grey says women often complicate things further when they choose to have children with men they aren’t bound to legally. “I would not feel comfortable having a child with a man who doesn’t want to marry me.” I commend Ms. Grey for her honesty and courage to speak so boldly in her interview. Not many black women will speak fully and truthfully to these ugly issues facing black women today and of course, in the past. This woman has got a brain. Of course, Ms. Grey addressed the old way to thinking and that is a lot of black women have children out of wedlock because they believe it will help them keep their man. I was so glad to see this subject mentioned in her interview. One such recent example is: Desmond Hatchett - A Tennessee man named Desmond Hatchett has 21 kids at age 29 and a child support problem so severe that Hatchett is on an automatic jail order. The mothers of Hatchett’s children are supposed to get anywhere from $25 to $309 a month, but when his paycheck is garnished amongst them all, some women only get a $1.98 a month. And, most recently in the city of Jacksonville, Florida, playwright JanaMorea Bradley wants black women to stand up for themselves and deal with the challenges that many face. That's the theme of her play, "Blak.Woman.Dynamik," to be performed. Eight actresses - ages 14 to 41 - will present the 17 monologues Bradley wrote, speaking in the voices of fictional characters. They celebrate the strength of black women. But they also deal frankly with topics such as sexually transmitted disease, domestic abuse, breast cancer and other health issues. (May 13, 2009)

Also, on October 23, 2008 an article appeared in the local newspaper entitled, “Illnesses a concern for Minorities”, The Times-Union : In recent years, Shands Jacksonville cardiologist Lyndon Box has noticed that the women he is diagnosing with major heart problems seem to be getting younger. In many cases, their problems could have been prevented with early treatment. The result of that is that you see more heart attacks and heart failure," said Box, a University of Florida professor. And he's noticed something else - a disproportionate number of the sick women are black. Duval County health officials have noticed the disparity, too. In a report released Wednesday, they said black women are dying younger than white women from a host of causes, many of them preventable. Among those diseases: HIV/AIDS, heart disease, stroke and diabetes. Back to this book, Ms. Grey points out that women should be aware that sex is never free; it comes with real emotional and possibly deadly physical consequences, and that she has been forced to re-evaluate her own thoughts on interracial dating. (page 66-69) I say go girl! There is life outside of the black male and beyond the institution of marriage. I know because I speak from experience. I was glad to read at the end of her interview that she was clear and is at peace with her place in life and happy now being single, and her life doesn’t leave any room for dealing with someone who isn’t worth it. Whew!!! More power to you, Ms. Grey, because so many black women settle for less in life. Ms. Grey was right again when she made the statement that there are certain people who feel like it’s better than being alone or believe ‘a piece of a man is better than no man,’ and staying in a unfulfilling relationship is a weakness that she’ does not have. (page 65) But she’s aware that not all women share her sense of self-belief, so it’s hard for them to image not having a man by their side and being happy. Go Girl!!! Speak your tongue!!!

Ms. Grey further states that for a lot of African American men, they just don’t really feel there is a need to be saddled with only one woman. Correct, I have known this fact for over 30 years myself. Sadly though, black women is a part of this problem, too. (page 64)
Heads up, I want to remind the readers the following:
Raising children has never been easy. For today’s parents, however, it has become a conspicuous source of anxiety and distress. Essay: “Life Without Children” Barbara Dafoe Whitehead & David Popenoe (2006)

“In today’s world, more and more women are finding themselves left out of the institution of marriage. Some opt out deliberately, but others fill up the dating Web sites, only to be disappointed. Many blame themselves, wonder, what went wrong. The truth is, there is nothing wrong with single women that a few more heterosexual men wouldn’t fix. It is even worse for black women. Setting aside the gay factor, the gender ratio in the black adult community already starts out at 56 to 44, due to high rates of death among black teenager boys. Then the relatively high incarceration rate of black men—4,700 for every 100,00 black men, compared to only a347 for every 100,000 black women—moves the ratio another point, to 57-43. Factor in the gender gaps in college education on top of that, and it’s no surprise that many black women, especially the more successful they are, are single.” (page 5, Microtrends – The Small Forces Behind Tomorrow’s Big Changes (2007)

I am reading the book StepMonster, A New Look at Why Real Stepmothers Think, Feel, and Act the Way We Do, by Wednesday Martin, a Ph.D. Let's face it, in many ways, stepchildren and stepmothers are rivals," evolutionary psychologist Martin Daly told her. They're both fighting for the same resources – financial and emotional – putting them in a fundamental conflict of interest. That's the controversial message behind StepMonster, A New Look at Why Real Stepmothers Think, Feel, and Act the Way We Do, by Wednesday Martin, a Ph.D in comparative literature from Yale who spent three years researching the topic after becoming a stepmother herself. Second marriages with children have a failure rate of up to 70 per cent, Martin found, and the greatest predictor of divorce is the presence of children from a previous marriage, especially if those children are teenagers.

Dew, woman of color, single, childfree by choice!
& living clutter free

RE: I Didn’t Work This Hard Just to Get Married (2009)

The Enjolie Woman is Dead with single mother, Jackie DeVaughn

Mrs. DeVaughn tried to do it all during her marriage, “I lost myself in a marriage, and I am finding myself now outside of that, I know who I am more so now that I did then.” (page 30) Yes, Mrs. DeVaughn is correct many women do loose themselves in marriages. She further states “If we exhibit happiness of what we do, it can lend itself to not even having the discussion of your relationship status come up. Oftentimes when people find you are so full of life in all the avenues you partake in, there won’t be a need to ask ‘Do you need or have a man?’ Correct again. I have experienced this myself in life. (page 32) “But it’s time alone that gives us an opportunity for self-definition, and she is not the Enjoli woman” she says. I found this interview to be a wonderful read. An interview filled with nuggets of wisdom. This sounds like one single black woman who is in control of herself and her household. This is good so see reflected in this timely and most needed book, I Didn’t Work This Hard Just to Get Married.

Lastly, As Mark Twain put it, “Plain clarity is better than ornate obscurity.”

“ Teenagers aren’t the only ones who are confused by the mixed messages of celebrity culture. Parents, too, are vulnerable to the cultural messages about childrearing that are promoted by the celebrity media. Being a parent is hard enough; on a bad day, even the most self-assured among us question our abilities to get it right. (page 209) The cornerstones of healthy self-esteem and empathetic development, which are the family structure and the environment for healthy childrearing, are failing. Narcissists are having children and passing along the traits through abusive or exploitative parenting. Between TV, radio, magazines, and the Internet, celebrity gossip is unavoidable. Tweens and teens are estimated to absorb more than six hours of media exposure every day, with Tweens spending 45 percent of their time watching TV and 14 percent online. Teens spend about 25 percent of their time on the Internet and an unbelievable 50 percent of their time watching television. And even the most passive, non-television-watching, computer-illiterate preteen or teen can’t avoid the gauntlet of glossy magazines at the checkout counters in grocery or department stores.” (page 193) The Mirror Effect: How Celebrity Narcissism Is Seducing America: Drew Pinsky, S. Mark Young (March 2009)

Dew, woman of color,
Single, childfree by choice!
& living clutter free in The Western Hemisphere

As I lay in my hammock, I continue to read: I Didn’t Work This Hard Just to Get Married (2009) during the now mid morning. It is mostly sunny conditions. Most folks realize that the Sun rises in the East every morning and moves westward across the sky. It is also evident to observers that the Sun sets in the West every evening and returns triumphantly to the East over the course of the night to rise again.
My favorite theme running through this book is “I am not lonely.”
Go sistahs! So the Single (not the Soul Train) Train is filling up to capacity! I love it, just love it! I am saving my comments for the best interview in this nice read for last,. JC Lamkin’s – Being Single is Just Another Option was the crème of the crop! It seems that introspection comes to Miss Lamkin as naturally as swallowing. So does gratitude. It's hard to suppress a knot in one's throat reading the lines that move so eloquently in her interview with this author from page 95 through 99. Speaking bravely, Miss Lamkin plays the major role in her life. This interview is the insider guide you've been dying for. I found Miss Lamkin to be hilarious, shocking and sharply honest. Lamkin also says she doesn’t buy into the theory that someone else is going to rescue you, as in a fairy tale. (page 98) “I never had that dream, I always thought people who had that dream were suckers, really, ‘cause when I look at marriage, from what I’ve seen, the woman gets really a raw deal or the short end of the stick”. Miss Lamkin is very timely and accurate in her views. There are young suckers and old suckers. In this article Concentrated low-income housing creates havens of crime, expert says (MAY 23, 2009), MANY SUCKERS CAN BE FOUND: If West Palm Beach lawyer Richard Ryles could do it, he would shut down every one of them and scatter residents into mixed-income housing developments or suburban neighborhoods. So Friday he highlighted other proposals that have taken place elsewhere in the state and country. Among them:

General pro-active management practices include meeting regularly with law enforcement, bringing the housing physically up to code in terms of safety and having strict lease agreements that keep out what Ryles calls “baby boys.” Those are the men visiting or living off the lease with girlfriends or family and are the most likely culprits in crime problems.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of women who are suckers, and especially African-American women. Another case in point is the Geriatric Love Triangle - Sentence reduced for 81-year-old who killed ex-boyfriend (September 30, 2008)
Lena Sims Driskell, the 81-year-old Atlanta woman who confessed to killing her 85-year-old ex-boyfriend in 2005, was sentenced to 10 years in prison last week after pleading guilty to voluntary manslaughter. In August, a Fulton County judge ordered a retrial for Driskell, who was convicted of murder in June, 2006, and sentenced to life in prison plus five years for the shooting death of Herman Winslow. Driskell was convicted in June 2006 of shooting Herman Winslow a year earlier in the lobby of Hightower Manor, a public housing complex in southwest Atlanta for senior citizens and the disabled. She confessed to the crime, and during her trial testified that he had started seeing other women.

Miss Lamkin says a significant other can be draining because a relationship does not provide for very much down time. I want to relax when I do come home, and in a relationship you don’t have the chance to relax. You have a responsibility to the other half to listen to how their day went, how it didn’t go, and help them through it. (page 97) She is correct, again!

Further, she says it’s often the woman who forgoes her dream for the family chores, never living up to her potential. I agree with Miss Lamkin one-hundred percent!!! You go girl!!! Pay attention to the word she uses “suckers”. When I read this I nearly fell out of my hammock bowling over in laughter, because I have often thought this myself. Furthermore, Miss Lamkin says she does not feel compelled to be a parent, at least not now. (page 98)

I am adding this article from my files to support Miss Lamkin’s statements:
Experts from the “Guinness Book of World Records” say she is probably the most prolific mom in America. In 1991, July 17, it was reported that African-American Ella Morris had given birth to an incredible 33 children in the state of Alabama. The article further reported that she had been disabled by strokes and diabetes and lived in an extended care unit at Montgomery General Hospital. “I never saw our mother sit down and do nothing,” says son Paul, 32. “She was always flying around the house coking or clearning up. She was devoted to us kids”. All the kids were by her first husband, John Galloway, a coal miner. She had her first baby at a young age and her last child shen she was 43—a grand total of 17 boys and 15 girls. ( After the last child was born in 1958, Galloway left Ella and the kids. Ella said she was scared to death. But I had the children and together we got by. I worked harder, and they worked harder. Ellar remarried in 1969, but her second husband died the following year.) But after 12 children, I though, Ella says that maybe the family was big enough. I asked my doctor to help me to stop having children. He turned me down flat—just said no. he said I was tool healthy and I could go on having babies. Ella sais it is hard to remember when I wasn’t pregnant. But we were always a happy family. One set of twins died at birth, and another set when they were just two days old. Other children also fell prey to sickness in infancy, and only 13 are alive today. “Some of those births were hard, but the children were worth it”, Ella says. “And I never really expected to have children, says Ella, now 75. “I never really planned on it.” Her husband, John Galloway, a coal miner and she worked as a housekeeper. (Ray Finch, reporter)
So Jim Bob & Michelle Duggar Family -- Two parents, 18 children have a long way to catch up with the late Mrs. Ella Morris.

Back to the Miss Lamkin’s interview, she concludes that she is a woman who has found her own sense of purpose and joy, even though she chooses not to marry. It’s something she’s done by following her dreams and rebuffing peer pressure that called for her to sacrifice her goals so she could marry a man. (page 99) I say way to go! The sky is the limit as it has been for me in my own life. Miss Lamkin, you rock!! I even made a copy of your interview for my files, because you are one African-American woman that is truly on it! This is so rare these days, because there are a boat load of unhappy, angry, disappointed young and old sistahs who believe in the fairy tale.

As listeners, readers, and writers we have wondered what it really means for something to be alive, whether it's a bacterium, a computer program, or a planet. Scientists, writers, philosophers, and theologians have battled with the question. Competing definitions of life have come and gone. And still no one is much the wiser about what this thing called life really is. However, Miss Lamkin’s interview provides one insight into what it really means for something or someone to be alive! In life, African-American women have to look beyond the idea of “race” and the institution of marriage to live a fulfilling and rewarding life. I have always done so in my life, and have no regrets!

In closing, the women in this book are all doing the right thing in living their life for themselves. After reading this book, it prompted memories of one of my favorite authors, the late Marjory Stoneman Douglas whose interview appeared in the book, Women Without Children: The Reasons, the Rewards, the Regrets by Susan S. Lang: “You don’t have to have children. I’ve got lots of friends. If you’re lonely in your old age, it’s because you’ve failed to make friends. I don’t need a family. I have friends. And if you think you can always count on children, you are much mistaken. Because I know a lot of families who can’t count on their children at all. It’s too bad if you didn’t make arrangements for your old age—you planned your life very badly if that is the case.” (page 22)
I believe the late Marjory Stoneman Douglas was ahead of her time, because just recently the issue of friendship during all stages in life is coming to the forefront of living a happy and (possibly) long life. Case in point: Researchers are only now starting to pay attention to the importance of friendship and social networks in overall health. In general, the role of friendship in our lives isn’t terribly well appreciated,” said Rebecca G. Adams, a professor of sociology at the University of North Carolina, Greensboro. “There is just scads of stuff on families and marriage, but very little on friendship. It baffles me. Friendship has a bigger impact on our psychological well-being than family relationships.” What Are Friends for? A Longer Life (April 21, 2009)

Remember readers, this is another shining star who is single, a woman of color and no children, and she lived the majority of her life ALONE:
She was born in Shellman, Georgia in 1894 and has outlived her entire family. (April, 2009)
LOS ANGELES -- A Los Angeles woman was recognized Monday as the world's oldest person as she celebrated her 115th birthday. Gertrude Baines has lived at Western Convalescent Hospital, near downtown Los Angeles, for more than 10 years. She worked as a maid in University of Ohio dormitories until her retirement and had lived on her own until she was 105. Dr. Charles R. Witt says Baines told him she credits a higher power, and some wise choices growing up for her long life and good health. "She told me that she owes her longevity to the Lord, that she never did drink, she never did smoke and she never did fool around," Witt said.

I must include this timely article, it was reported on March 2, 2008 that Alta.'s oldest person boasts memories from 3 centuries -- Born in Victorian England, Bessie Roffey clearly recalls First World War
The oldest Albertan, and likely oldest Canadian, celebrates her 111th birthday today more than a century after coming to North America or seeing that long-reigning Queen of England. Roffey lives at the J.B. Wood Continuing Care Centre in this town about 360 kilometres northwest of Edmonton. Until 2004, when she was 106, she still lived by herself in her house in tiny Kinuso, about 90 kilometres to the east, on the southern shores of Lesser Slave Lake.
I learned through reading the book, Mrs. Astor Regrets: The Hidden Betrayals of a Family Beyond Reproach by Meryl Gordon, Brooke Astor divorced and then twice widowed, she chose to remain single from age fifty-seven on. Heck the woman lived to be over one-hundred!
Don’t forget the African-American sisters the Delanys! On My Own at 107: Reflections on Life Without Bessie: Sarah L. Delany. What a life they lived!

Heads up readers: This weekend I am reading in my hammock outside in the sunlight the following books, which just arrived today at my house: Forced into Faith -- How Religion Abuses Children’s Rights by Innaiah Narisetti (2009), and Quiverfull -- Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement by Kathryn Joyce (2009), Toxic Beauty – How Cosmetics and Personal-Care Products Endanger Your Health..And what you can Do About it by Samuel S. Epstein, MD (2009).

Dew, woman of color, (I am a lifelong, nonsmoker, no drugs, no alcohol, NO JUNK foods, and no coffee)
One set of Footprints, childfree by choice!
& living clutter free living in The Western Hemisphere

PS: There is one more from my files, never married, Claire Oesch, the trim woman in the perfectly fitted suit, is, at 93, most likely the city’s oldest and most refined barfly. It’s not easy for a woman of any age to sit alone at a bar and look comfortable, but Ms. Oesch not only looks at home, she practically is at home. It’s no easy trick to spend the majority of one’s life at a bar and manage to avoid the pitfalls of the lush life. But in some ways, a bar at the right New York restaurant is the ideal place for a dignified 93-year-old woman to turn up every night. The bartender (who’s been serving her for 27 years) puts a light dinner in front of her even when she says she’s not hungry. Old friends regale her as she continues to hold court. She has a destination that demands not just that she dress, but that she dress to be seen.
(NYT, May 12, 2008) Once a Hostess, Now a Bar’s Grande Dame By SUSAN DOMINUS

Sometimes I wish that I could meet other people who are like myself. My friends are either single with kids or married.

RE: Interview -- Captain in a Solo Army – with Army Captain Gwyneth Bradshaw

“On the other hand, studies have shown that single women are the happiest, followed by married men. Married women follow; lest happy are single men.” (page 386) The Longevity Revolution – the benefits and challenges of Living a Long Life by Robert N. Butler, M.D. (2008)

After reading Captain Bradshaw’s interview, I took a break from reading. I climbed out of my hammock, and took a walk barefoot on the grass. (pages 105-109) Captain Bradshaw has a quality of near superhuman evenness. I returned to my hammock after a much needed walk to continue to think about her interview. This interview, I liken to the art form of embroidery, which centers on the merging of two very different dimensions: a flat grid of fabric, and thread, which is an extended line of many colors. This is achieved by the hands, eyes and brain of one person, who attends by one stitch or another to every centimeter of a work’s surface. The simplicity and concentration are always felt, no matter how complicated the actual motifs become. “She says she followed her heart and deferred her dreams to make a relationship work. It was a choice that left her felling empty.” (page 107) “She continues to state that I’ve gone through the half-a-man-is-better-than-man phase when I was in my twenties; that’s done. Four stars for her! More strong statements are that she is most agitated by the old double standard between the way driven men and ambitious women are viewed. A female is looked at badly if she isn’t married at a certain age. (page 108) Captain Bradshaw is correct. These old attitudes about women and children still pervade our society.

“We should take care of children, listen to them, answer their queries, and encourage their inquisitiveness. Children (I include women in this statement, though the author did not) should not be bossed, beaten or threatened. (page 84) Forced into Faith – How Religion Abuses Children’s Rights by Innaiah Narisetti (2009)

The interview continues on with one stitch in time. Like an embroiderer, this Captain takes many twists and turns, but a pattern emerges from her life. She also realized that the idealistic picture o the husband 2.5 kids, and a white picket fence wasn’t the key to happiness. I believe you can be married and still be lonely. I have seen people who have done it. I think that was also a big factor for me to change. (page 107) One of embroidery’s great attractions is its self-evident structure. Many of its stitches are challenging beyond belief.

When Captain Bradshaw made these statements well into the interview: “Her strong sense of individuality has caused her to bump heads with her romantic interests. I’ve found a lot of guys try to control me. If they can’t control the whole situation, they break things off with me, then come back to me later when they realize the mistake that they’ve made.” (page 108), her strong self-evidence takes center stage here. In this motif of an interview, she makes more true statements. “She says sexism explains why the genders are seen differently in society. Despite all the advances women have made, the prevailing social view is still that women should put their careers on the back burner to become wives and mothers, especially as they get older. (page 109) Clearly this woman has seen the light! I give her four more stars!!

At the end of this motif, Captain Bradshaw ended with a climax of great intensity in making these statements: I won’t slip into a deep depression, and I won’t feel like I am less than a woman. Instead she will continue to trumpet her dreams as the captain of her own one-woman army. Yes, there is a fulfilling life beyond men and the institution of marriage,(as well as beyond the African-American community), and Captain Bradshaw now owns her life journey. I do not reside in the African-American communities with no apologies. Personal choice is very important to me. Life is too short to be unhappy. We do live in a free agent nation. The author, Nika C. Beamon has created a wonderful project of hope and inspiration for years to come. This small read should be required reading for all young African-American girls.

Readers, we all would do well to remember:

“Ultimately, human progress depends on the recognition that implementation of human values will take mankind to higher levels in all spheres. Blind belief and superstition are hindrances to the quest for knowledge and the search for truth.” (page 40), Force into Faith – How Religion Abuses Children’s Rights by Innaiah Narisetti (2009)

I am an only child, who had a ‘free range’ childhood. I thank my lucky stars I was not forced fed religion as a young child. I was raised black middle class, my father never desired any more children. My parents never used corporal punishment on me. Both my parents were college educated and I lacked nothing as an African-American child growing up in north Florida. I did not turn out too bad by being an ‘only’ child.

“Plato advised restricting population within the means of subsistence as one means of keeping peace. At the biologic level, geneticist James V. Neel believe there should be no more than two children per family to stabilize the gene pool. The Longevity Revolution – the benefits and challenges of Living a Long Life by Robert N. Butler, M.D. (2008)

Dew, woman of color, (In my hammock outside in the morning sun!)
Ever-single, childfree by choice!
& living clutter free living in The Western Hemisphere

Heads up: Recently trends in family size have changed, with more people choosing to have only one child. According to Only Child, there are an estimated 20 million one-child households in the U.S. alone. For more than a century psychologists have speculated about the effects of being an only child, but there is still no conclusive answer. One thing that stands out is that the experience, although not necessarily negative, is certainly different to that of those with siblings.

You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him find it within himself.
–Galileo (1564-1642, Italian astronomer and mathematician)

“Anyone who thinks that single black women can be kept in a box should read I Didn’t Work This Hard Just to Get Married. So should everyone else.” Bella’s forward is well written and long overdue surrounding the growing population of singles ( all races) in our society.

Bella, you are simply the best!

“Our days are meant to be fun. Once you lose that thread, I think you’ve just lost the essence of the whole deal. Though we’re all different, and ultimately we all need to write our own playbooks, I hope there’s something in my journey that might inspire you in yours. Life is for living.” (Foreword) “The point is: Your path is yours alone. And if it’s the path less traveled, that absolutely fine. The world doesn’t need more conformists. The word needs more people who create and question and search. If you don’t fit in, celebrate that, and then get ready to stand your ground. Our society has some rigid roles for people, and when you decide that you don’t want to play the same game as everyone else, you might not get much support for your decision. Don’t let that discourage you. The best way to find your path is to start with a dream and then refuse to listen to anyone else’s opinions about what you “can” or can’t” do in pursuit of that dream (pg. 145)
Force of Nature – Mind, Body, Soul and or Course, Surfing (2009) by Laird Hamilton

This author is correct in saying “your path is yours alone”. As a single, I read wide and far! I do not restrict myself. Life is for the living. I love nature! Go outside and get some sunlight, wear less clothes!

Dew, going barefoot, woman of color, (outside in my hammock)
Single, and childfree by choice!
Living in The Western Hemisphere

Heads up: Book – This is Who I am by Rosanne Olson (2008)
Each of the 54 different subjects is photographed in courageous simplicity, with the uniform thread of sepia tone tying, individuals together into a common message—take me or leave me, this is who I am!

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/07/01/bia.single.black.women.adopt/index....

In this article about single, black women choosing to adopt (which I thought was beautiful!), the author says:

"The numbers are grim. According to the 2006 U.S. Census Bureau's American Community Survey, 45 percent of African-American women have never been married, compared with 23 percent of white women."

Sigh.