The Human Beast

you seem to forget one part. *given all other things equal* parents will favor genetic children over adopted children.

"Still, adoptive parents are an usual breed, that are carefully chosen by adoption agencies for kindness, and commitment to children, as well as stable employment. Perhaps these factors tip the scales against natural parents".

How about the fact that adoptive parents are in fact self-selected as a opposed to step parents who simply have to accept the child(ren) of the new partner?
What about the adjustment EFFORTS the step parent has to make as opposed to the adoptive parent who begins the connection from a much "priveledged" stage - infancy?

This is nonsense "research" to prove a point. It compares apples and space ships: actual statistics of children abused and murdered in step-parent homes to platitudes about computers and soccer games. That's a preposterous to try to draw any conclusions Where are the abuse statics in adoptive families? We know that adopted children are beaten and abused, sexually and physically, put in cages, burned, starved, and KILLED by their adopters. 14 Russian adoptees alone since 1999 have been murdered by those entrusted with their care.

And - as for adoptive parents being screened or selected for kindness I am truly laughing out loud! The only self-selection is the ability to PAY! Children have been placed in the homes of pedophiles - in one case a man who didn't even have a separate bed for the child - who were able to pay the fees!

Adoptions are closed and wrapped in secrecy and until we make them transparent and collect real data on abuse all we will have is scattered case evidences of those few who get to court and make the headlines.

One also has to look at the highly disproportionate number of children in all kinds of institutions - thrown away by their adopters. Bad blood or a failure to meet the expectations of the price tag combined with lack of any counseling to prepare adopters of what to expect.

There is no substantiating evidence to indicate that adoptees academic difficulties can be attributed solely to genetics. They suffer from identity confusion and feelings of abandonment that stem from trying to understand why they were let go and adopted. Adoption itself causes many problems, it is far from a panacea and thus separated children form their families should always be a last resort after all efforts to keep them together have failed....like divorce.

Is this anything like Empire penguins that will fight other mothers for their eggs to take care of if theirs can not survive the cold?

I adopted a tween female several years ago and I still feel no bond with her largely in part because we found out THREE years later (by accident) that she was diagnosed with an attachment disorder when she was 10 years old. The "system" held back important information from us so that she would be "presentable" for adoption. We are in very intensive therapy with her, but I think it's probably too late. She will enter the world as an adult with serious mental healh issues. I'm amazed (by my own experience and those of others I know who have adopted) at how poorly adoption agencies prepare potential parents for the real adoption experience AND withold information. I would have never adopted THIS child with the diagnosis she had. She is incapable of bonding with us and is so unlikeable that we can barely co-exist. Sadly, although we are not the right family for her to meet these needs, we cannot place her back in the system for a more appropriate placement because we could be charged with abuse/neglect and could lose our respective jobs as a result. Adoption is a sham as it currently exists.

As an adoptee, I believe that parents do favor their biological children whether they directly intend to or not.

I'd be interested in knowing if there are any studies regarding children conceived with donor embryos or both donor egg and donor sperm? These children are the biological children of the mothers who bear them but not their genetic children.

It's certainly horrible that defenceless children have been victimized or murdered ...however, it's still interesting how easily exceptions of a given situation are generalized and presented as the rule...eg..because such as such happened to me...or there was a case in which the child got in to the hands of a criminal..a pedophile..etc

I think adoptive parents give their adoptees more "stuff" because they realize something is missing. I'd say they're trying to buy love to make up for that "little" something - genetic bonding. Buying stuff is especially a good tactic to use with your 18 year old + adopted child, so they don't go looking for mommy.

For the last 13 years, I believed I could not have a child (I was diagnosed as infertile.) I do, however, have a stepdaughter. As long as I have known my stepdaughter, I have loved her; I would not be able to tell you whether the depth or type of my love is equivalent to love for a natural child.

At least, not yet. I recently learned that I'm two months pregnant. I do plan on loving my natural child, and giving it the very best.

And the best guardian I could think of for my miraculous natural child would be my wise, loving, now-married stepdaughter. So I suppose it has a lot to do with the mindset of the marriage in question, and whether they see the production of a natural child as some sort of contest where a non-natural child would always be second-best. How the opportunity to give love and knowledge and nurturing to any child can be considered some kind of booby-prize, I cannot imagine, and it says a lot about the psychological fragility of some "parents" in the modern world.

It's funny how the anti-adoption crowd has jumped on this study. It's sort of like how the creationists said that Satan had placed fossils on the Earth to confuse people. Interestingly, a newly published study from the Netherlands found that adoptive parents are actually less likely to abuse their children. Oh, another Satanic plot...

How do you measure parents’ love for or "preference ordering” of their children? How could one possibly compare them objectively? If I can afford and am willing to buy my children more material things, it means that I love them more? Even kids who are born to the same parents will tell you that their parents have their favorite.

I don’t think this study is well thought out if it's to find answers to the question whether parents favor natural children over adopted ones.

(Yes, I am not a native English speaker.)

Nigel,

I wonder how closely you read the first study (I will not reference the second, because the author is a novice and his research methods are suspect)? The first study concludes that adoptive parents may be giving more material items to adoptees to "to compensate for the lack of biological ties and the extra challenges of adoption." So perhaps, adoptive parents give less emotionally to their adopted children - or at least less then they think they should. Out of guilt, they buy things for them. Additionally, if the children such this emotional distance, they may grow up with difficulties that require more adoptive parent intervention.

The only study I am aware of is a review of child abuse stats from Missouri. It concluded adoptees, foster child, and step-children were more likely to die of maltreatment death at 4.7 times the norm. It is not the best study, because it did could not separate the three groups, however, it is the best evidence we have Pediatrics, "Household Composition and Risk of Fatal Child Maltreatment," 2002.

I was adopted and then my adoptive parents found out they were unexpectedly able to have a biological child. As soon as she was born when I was 3 she was favored. She was given private lessons, tutors, schools, colleges, you name it. And I was not. Also I was severely physically abused but she was never harmed. There was alcoholism. I though, did adopt my oldest of 4 children. The other 3 are bio. My daughter was 9 when I adopted her and autistic with some other mental issues as well. She could barely speak. I have always loved her. I probably spend a little more time due to her needs, but my love is equal and all of the kids have lessons and schooling equally. I feel in general though that biological children are indeed favored and that it is human nature. In a very general sense. And that some people are more cut out for adoption than others. And that it is a system based on who can "afford to pay".

I agree with the first poster. The most important aspect adoption agencies care about is the ability to pay the adoption fee.

I once read a study that found that adoptees make up more of a presence in counseling and mental health facilities than their non-adopted counterparts...but the researchers placed the disclaimer on it that Adoptive Parents are more likely to have the money to take their children to seek help and that must be why they were more likely to be treated by a doctor for those things.

Can't you say the same about adoptees being more likely to have material posessions? People really interpret the findings of their research (and the findings of other people's research) however it suits their own bias.

I know several adoptees who felt that they were not treated as well as their brothers and sisters who were biologically raised. The fact of the matter is, we do not know if the bonds are the same between adopted kin and biological kin because we have no way to measure it other than interviewing people and taking their word for it.

While many of us know know we are loved by our parents, for many adoptees, it doesn't feel good to have been a "second-choice" or that adoption was chosen only after their parents had exhausted the option of giving biological birth. The dynamics between why someone adopted and what idealized expectations they may have placed on their adopted child and/or adoption in-general will impact their relationships.

These are not about adoptees being treated poorly but are worth a read:
Cudmore, L. (2005). Becoming parents in the context of loss. Sexual & Relationship Therapy, 20(3), 299-308. doi:10.1080/14681990500141204.

Fisher, A. (2003). Still not quite as good as having your own? Toward a sociology of adoption. Annual Review of Sociology, 29(1), 335-361.

based on my observation, i think there are certain people who are able to love their adopted children just as much as their bio children. However, those are definitely in the minority. I dont mean they dont love their adopted children, but just not as much. This make perfect sense, as most bio parents ( not all of them, unfortunately) would tell you that their love for their bio children are so strong, they are willing to take a bullet for them any time. i think those study he cited are flawed,just because adopted parents spent more time on adopted children doesnt means they are willing to sacrifice themselves in the same way for their bio children, the study should have incl a questionaire asking this type of questions, so much for the tunnel vision of you so called academics.

Nice post , thank you for sharing .........
Most agencies are genuine but never sign on the dotted line before you check out their credentials. Here are a few tips to help you select an experienced Adopting Parents .

I was adopted before my parents realized they could have a biological child. Reading these responses, I see I am not in the minority when I question the article's writer. How did you conduct your research? I grew up hearing the stories of how I almost wasn't adopted because the agency rep came by to conduct a visit prior to my adoption on a day when my adoptive mother was crawling up the front stairs drunk. Somehow that passed the "scrutiny" of the adoption agency . Just for the record, her drunkenness was not temporary and out of character due to stress as was claimed, and it continued. One night she came home drunk and was going to leave with her biological child and leave myself and her adopted son. I was around 7 years old at that time and I'd say that was a pretty good indication of which child was favored and which adopted children were not. We were going to be left behind like garbage. "Chosen for their kindness and commitment" is the most laughable thing I've ever heard. One of my adoptive mother's famous quotes was "I will mop the floor up with you". This was while she was in a bad mood, though, when one of her many sexual affairs was not going well. To this day the biological child has received several vehicles, a grave plot with the parents and their name together on a property, all bills paid....while the adopted son and myself get none of those things. So your research, Mr. Writer is severly flawed. It's more than evident where adopted children rate alongside biological "family". What's sad is that I deserved so much better and it took me until my 40's to understand that. Such a big chunk of a wasted childhood all because Adoption Agencies won't give you all the tools you need, especially the adopted kids. I had no resources or direction. That needs to change.

The usual "adopted kids have it better than genetic kids". Everyone who believes that should give up their own children since it is better. Why don't you want to do what's BEST for your child? To not give it up would just be depriving it of the superior joy of being adopted. How very selfish of you to keep it. And you call yourself good parents!

As an adoptee I can testify first hand adopted parents believe their children are toys, dogs, servants etc. They treat their dogs better than their adopted children.

As I was out homeless at 18 years old (as was my sister who was also adopted). Basically every homeless person I met around my age was adopted. They all had the same story as me... Adopted by some rich infertile couple. Adoptive father resented them and just called them a little bastard on a daily basis and belittled them for being adopted. Adopted mother inevitably made up a list of "behavioral problems".

These adoption agencies advertise adoption like it's disney world. Get these rich folks all pumped up for the perfect fairytale family. Then it's just a regular kid, and the mother hates the child for not fulfilling her slew of fantasies. And proceeds to drop any pretense of motherhood and neglect and bully her adopted children.

Adoption is slavery. If you aren't adopted your opinion is irrelevant. If you work for the adoption industry you're a disgusting human being who should rot in hell.

If I spent billions of dollars I'm sure I could purchase all types of nonsense statistics. Even build my own BS statistic reporting agency/bureau.

Adoption is human trafficking, baby-selling. Spun into something seemingly legitimate, but it's no different than run of the mill black-market baby dealing.

Try what you went through plus having to grow up adopted with a biological sibling who is treated like a prince. I also was homeless for a bit at the same age. I agree with you and it really pisses me off that these people tout adoption as the cure all.

I would love to chat with more of you who are actual adoptees. I'm in the pre-stages of writing a book about the side of adoption that these non-adopted folks don't see or know. Especially those of you who have grown up with the biological siblings of these "parents". katassociates at ymail dot com I wrote the above "Biologial vs Adopted" comment.