The Teenage Mind

May I ask how many drugs you've tried? I certainly wouldn't want to take flying lessons from someone who's never flown. So how do you respond to a child who asks exactly how you acquired all your adult insight?

Seriously. This is a delicate topic that each parent has to struggle with and come to their own conclusion. If kids know their parents experimented with drugs they may say well, you did it and think it is ok. Parents are role models and parents who drink a lot are setting an example for their kids. My mother smoked so I thought it was ok to smoke. Parents don't want to lie to their kids and they don't want to be hippocrites. I am for open communication and trust. Most of the parents I know don't want their kids to know the full extent of their expermentation. But, it is an individual decision. You are not your kid's friend. You ae the parent.

Perhaps I ought to explain that, being English, my childhood was very different from the norm here in the States...a norm that stresses fear and anxiety. I was encouraged - indeed supported - in trying all things when I felt I was ready. Such early experiences created not only confidence but a corresponding sense of responsibility as well.

And, since you asked, I've tried all sorts of drugs on my own and as part of controlled psychopharmacological trials beginning when I was still an undergraduate. I was especially well suited to the task because I knew there were no bogeymen. You see, I'd never been taught that I most assuredly could be hooked by chemicals. An absurd idea that, no doubt, accounts for much of the obesity in America. If cocaine can sap your will, why not chocolate brownies? This business of "protecting" children, I believe, has resulted in a nation of immature adults prone to every conceivable addiction.

Here's a thought: Would you advocate keeping children from horses because they might fall off and break something? If a child shows an interest in learning to ride, consider it a sign he's ready. If he gets stepped on, he'll heal. That's what kids do and have always done...that's how they become adults.

It will be easy enough to dismiss what I've said as blasphemy. It will be far more difficult to actually think about it.

Comments?

Steve Mason

Please call me Jann. May I call you Steve?

Steve,
Parents from England have told me that they thought it was easier raising kids in England. Definitely there are cultural differences and generational ones, too. The California I grew up in was very different than the one I live in now. I think we felt safer, freer and we were tougher too.

This "fear" you mention I attribute to the media. Turn on the radio or TV and all you hear is accidents, danger, death, etc. Personally, I don't advocate scaring or coddling children. There is a delicate, age appropriate balance. Surely, the goal is a strong, independent, self-reliant adult.

About flying...I read you are a pilot...I wouldn't take flying lessons from someone who never flew either but do you want your pilot to fly with DTs?

Hello Jann,

It's funny that you should mention flying with DTs. It's one of the things (flying...not the DTs) that I didn't experience until I was 30 and, believe me, it showed. I never felt comfortable and as a joke friends would always make a point of kissing the ground on landing. At least I think it was as a joke. Indeed, an instructor once told me - seriously - to never take off 100% sober as I was a threat to everything in the air and a few things on the ground unless my nerves had first been soothed.

Regarding Kids & Drugs: Of course your point is well taken. Times and cultures have a way of changing when we're not looking. However, I'd still prefer joining kids for a smoke or a toot at home rather than forcing them to hide behind some barn. To my way of thinking...that's the best possible use for a home.

Ta,

Steve

Steve,
I really enjoy your comments! The flying instructor advised you to drink? ok..I guess too much anxiety could be a problem. Also, your point about the kids at home is also well taken, better to know where they are than having them driving around.
Jann

"I really enjoy your comments!"

Ditto

And I thank you for visiting my site. I'm really a very nice person. All those drugs perhaps?

S

Steve,
You have a great sense of humor. It comes through the internet but I can't hear the British accent.\
Jann

The accent, along with a whole bunch of really neat stuff (I was once featured in PLAYGIRL magazine...the Men of MENSA issue)has dimished with age.

As for the humor, I used to write for Joan Rivers.

Is is funny that US people think it would be better in England. The UK is number one in teenage pregnancy, drug usage and failed families in whole Europe. Just accept it - thats the true which is published from UK itself.

The liberal Netherlands, Switzerland, the Scandinavian countries and even Ireland are ideal for raising a kid. The funny thing is all these countries have weak laws about drugs, the society itself made drugs + youngsters to a taboo. A dealer fears more the public morality than the police. The quality of the drugs is controlled in Switzerland e.g. by non profit organizations, they warn about the "bad pills" you could took.

The society can solve problems better than the state - and the moral of the society is most pragmatic and effective when no moral instances like the church disturb it.

Jann-

I thought this peice was very accurate and well researched on your part. As a 21 year old college student I would have to agree that your advice is indeed good advice. For parents, I think listening and asking questions are great things, and also I'd say knowing and communicating feelings and worries is equally important. It is hard for teens to come to the point where they see their parents as people too. Probably just as hard as it is for parents to see there teens this way. Sometimes it seems easy to get caught up in a me vs. them situation without thinking how the other person is feeling and why. Once again communication is so key. Also, understanding and like you've said realizing when your child is ready to have these types of experiances is very important, for it is unrealistic to think these things arent going to happen. Knowing your boys personally I'd say you've done a great job with all these things.

I really enjoyed reading this. keep me updated on future posts. :)

Debbie Manka matt manka/Psychologist marries client
Submitted by Anonymous on June 9, 2009 - 5:33am.

my Mother,Debbie Manka ,went off and married her Psychologist/therapist Matt Manka. It destroyed our family and my brothers mental health as well as mine. it also destroyed my fathers health as he and my mother(debbie)r were going to Matt for marriage counseling initially. Now Matt and Debbie are running Lifestream Solutions in Arizona.I personally do not think they should be allowed to counsel anyone ,as dating your client is against the rules,right? Any comments on all this? kris

Great post! And parents also need to remember that getting and staying involved in the lives of the children is perhaps the greatest weapon that they have against teen drug use and addiction. Ask questions about where your children are going. Find out about their friends. And most importantly, remember that it is never too young to start talking to them about the dangers of drugs and alcohol. Households where the parents are involved in this manner are the ones that tend to be free of addicted teens who need teen drug rehab.

Keep up the good work.

Janet

This is a very good question. Teenage children get easily addicted to drugs & other such activities which later becomes a very big & uncontrollable addiction in the future.
drug rehab>

my little brother use Drug since come here in Malaysia I guess so,it is obvious from his eyes,i don't know how can i help him ,need you help indeed.
I cant believe he got such an experience.
please help me to stop him before it gonna be too late.

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