i don't understand this at all. are you really talking about an exaggerated need to please (your thing) or are you indulging the opportunity to "set the record straight" with all those teachers over all those years (hello, common denominator..) who wronged you by shunning your drive and intelligence? the tone of this post make me feel sad for you. i hope you can soon find a way to not be so angry at others and instead find and apply your own standards... best wishes...

Your previous two posts have been my experience in life and I have even drawn the same conclusion as you, but I was never able to articulate this because I have always felt so diminutive in relation to others. Maybe I am or was searching for validity. Hearing your words has given me a new sense of confidence of who I am and where I am going.

Thank you so much!

Gena

re: "When I offered Brett Simon all my brother's Hardy Boy books, he clearly would have been less terrified had I started chasing him with stick. That, at least, would have seemed appropriate to childhood. Mean and viscous --but appropriate."

I can well imagine the poor lad running from a "viscous" young girl. I don't even know what that means but it doesn't sound at all attractive. I'm pretty sure I'd run too...

I must disagree with the last response. This is pretty much what every girl and young woman goes through in terms of discovering who she really is. What djbaxter doesn't understand is that she was being terribly nice but that the boy would rather she'd been mean because he would been less frightened by anger than affection. When girls show too much affection, that frightens boys more thoroughly than any sticks and stones ever could.

I must disagree with the last response. This is pretty much what every girl and young woman goes through in terms of discovering who she really is. What djbaxter doesn't understand is that she was being terribly nice but that the boy would rather she'd been mean because he would been less frightened by anger than affection. When girls show too much affection, that frightens boys more thoroughly than any sticks and stones ever could.

I spent my childhood running after adults, trying to coax some love out of them. My parents were unable and unwilling to dole out affection or even attention to basic needs. I know I bothered the daylights out of any adult who payed even a passing bit of interest in me. One thing that has helped is imagining my 5 year old self, and hugging her and listening to her. I'm a good parent to my little needy self. She's much happier now.

Perhaps, but I think djbaxter is wondering what a young girl's "viscosity" has to do with it.

Why is it that the genuine, the kind, the ones with the big hearts are the ones shunned and repeatedly hurt? Perhaps it is our lot in life to learn how to grow thick skins. Who knows.

Either way, I'm glad what didn't kill you made you wonderful. :)

one more time and makes us feel less stupid about our own foolish behavior!

I agree..being overtly desparate about things can turn them to wrong directions...

I'm lucky I've yet to experience anything like that; the only teacher I've admired deserved the admiration he got. But discovering that college teachers, unlike high school teachers, aren't shining paragons of virtue, belief, and camp mentor-friendliness? There's a bubble I didn't want burst! *wipes away a tear*

It's good to hear your teacher getting his comeuppance, there's a feel good story in itself, but you've been published, you're insightful and funny, and you got that A. Those are the real victories.

Thank you,Regina Barreca, for writing this article! I am a young lady who has suffered much the same plight in life. Before, I could never bring myself to believe that the problem, the reason I couldn't seem to grasp the things that I wanted so badly, with all of my brain power, energies and commitment--was the wanting! When I want it I want it bad, and its all over me! Now as I embark on my new ventures & adventures, I will try to back off a little. Let's see what happens!