Because I'm the Mom

I think this leads into the perfect discussion of how children grieve. It is pretty well accepted that children will "save" their own personal breakdown for when they are much older (perhaps 18, and in their own space).

This column begs the question: How close was Leah her uncle?

An uncle is not an eternal playmate, but an uncle can be like a father figure. From my own experience, I've found that the child (in this case, me) wasn't willing to grieve. I "had" to be the strong one for my mother as we went through the loss of my younger brother. I was 7 years old at the time and he passed away at age 4.

I don't know how to do it. I am not a parent, but I think - looking at this from a child's perspective - that it is important to keep Leah from thinking she needs to be the strong one.

I am so very sorry for your loss. Your questions are such good ones. First, I think, from my own experience, grief is present forever, in some form, erupting at times, ebbing at times. I don't know. There are so many things she will think, "It would be so great if Uncle Squish had been here..." Over and over.
They were profoundly close; he was a joyful playmate and a father figure.
Your last sentence hits hard. She must be allowed her own grief, not mine, not an extension of mine, not hers disguised as mine. It must be her own. And, you are right to say so pointedly that I must be clear she does not need to take care of me. It's a balance, right, of being honest, of narrating your own feelings without having the opposite impact - dumping them on her.