The Bonus Years of Adulthood

Exploring the Newest Stage of the Life-Cycle

Maggie Scarf, author and journalist, is a Fellow of Jonathan Edwards College, Yale. Her latest book is September Songs: The Good News About Marriage in the Later Years. See full bio

November 24, 2008, Relationships

Comments on "Is This Really Worth Fighting About?"

Is This Really Worth Fighting About?

By Maggie Scarf on November 24, 2008 in The Bonus Years of Adulthood

The intensity of arguments change over time. In 1980, I wrote a book about marriage - Intimate Partners - in which the oldest couple interviewed was in their late forties. I got a lot of flak about that from older readers, who wrote to me and said, "Hey, what about us? We're still alive and kicking! Why exclude the marriages of older people? Read More

The wisdom of long term relationships....

Submitted by Barb Elgin, LCSW on November 30, 2008 - 7:32am.

Your observation fits with my favorite research on the topic of 'why couples survive - and thrive'. It's not so much that we argue, but HOW we argue. I also hear it has nothing to do with how we argue but how we are together when we AREN'T arguing.

I'm sure too, that the wisdom of hanging in with a relationship (or having to learn the hard way through divorce or break), often teaches individuals how to BE in a relationship in ways that preserves it.

I also think it's important to look at the satisfaction of the couple as well. Folks who stay together but who are unhappy may not derive the benefits of long term relationships.