The solutions are a mission impossible.Marriage is the product with flaws that our human society had created.I do not see any win-win solustions to satisfy the need of the families stability and the need of thrill romances in the outside.

i don't see any problem in having a married couple that do love each other madly even though they are married!!

On one of our era's toughest questions.  If you haven't already, you (and your readers) might want to take a look at Mating in Captivity, by Perel and/or The Ethical Slut, by Easton and Liszt, both of which offer considered, thoughtful answers to these questions.

I've had the opportunity to become involved with and to try out the polyamorous "lifestyle" as an alternative. It made sense and was certainly worth looking into. After 7 years of it, I learned that the biggest difference between that lifestyle and monogamy is that with polyamory - there is simply opportunity for more people to get hurt - and in just as many if not more ways.

The thing with polyamorists is that many of them have problems with emotional intimacy. They cannot have or do not want emotionally close relationships. They seemed to mostly prefer superficial involvements.

Further, they also seemed to have issues sustaining relationships long-term.

Worse than these two things, too many of them were also emotionally abusive - and they used polyamory as a sort of justification for emotional abusiveness.

Many of them were also "new relationship junkies". Meaning, they LIVED for the thrill of romance. The moment that feeling wore off in an existing relationship, they were on to the next one - with little regard for the other ones whose "shiny newness" (ie NRE as it's referred to) had worn off.

The "old" lovers could just get out of the way or get off the bus. Usually it didn't matter to the "NRE junkie". So, it's an understatement to say these types of relationships can often be emotionally brutal - and to more than two people.

Not that they all are, or that all polyamorists have these issues. I did see several families who had been successfully together for years and had their systems for opening up to new members worked out with respect for all. It CAN be done.

Mostly, though, this was not the case in the circles I associated with (several of them) and polyamory seemed to be a place for people who have trouble with intimacy, with sustaining relationships, with addiction, who lacked emotional maturity, and who were emotionally abusive - to hang out and have the behaviors stemming from their various pathologies validated by and hidden behind that lifestyle.

My message?

Proceed with caution. Your mileage may vary. Offer void where prohibited. No warranty is offered or implied. Skate at your own risk.

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