Do You Know Someone Who's Chronically Serious?

Monkey Business/Adobe Stock

If you've been an adult for very long, there's a good chance you've experienced a condition I'll call chronic seriousness.

While this is definitely not an official diagnosis, I would still suggest that it is a serious condition. Typical symptoms I've observed include:

• an absence of fun
• difficulty smiling or laughing
• preoccupation with productivity
• abandonment of hobbies
• frequent sighing
• continual efforts at self-improvement
• feeling on edge
• heightened awareness of what could go wrong
• strict adherence to routines
• little patience for frivolity
• lack of creativity

As these symptoms make clear, chronic seriousness is no laughing matter.

Onset and Course

Chronic seriousness tends to have an insidious onset. It typically starts with being a responsible grown-up and taking care of all the things that are part of adulthood. But over time it can slowly morph into something more sinister. You may begin to fear that things will fall apart without your constant vigilance and worry.

Soon fun and play start to seem like unwelcome distractions from all the plate-spinning that keeps your life going. The only safe approach, you think, is to live as carefully and conscientiously as possible: Be good, follow the rules, stick to the schedule, get things done, plan for the future, eat right, stay on top of everything.

Eventually, you might realize that you've given up all of your hobbies—or the ones you still have are very serious affairs. Your friendships start to wither, too; the time that you spend with friends tends to be task-oriented, like going to the gym.

It's hard to watch a movie or relax with family without your mind continually flitting to your calendar or mental checklist of ongoing worries. If you have a religious or spiritual practice, it also takes on a serious tone. You might start to believe that taking everything very seriously is somehow the highest good.

When you're in the grip of chronic seriousness, everything feels like a Very Big Deal. Decisions can be agonizing because the possibility of making a mistake seems gravely consequential. With the stakes so high, even fun stuff stops being enjoyable.

There are no official estimates of its prevalence, but chronic seriousness may be especially common in midlife when competing demands on your time and energy can be overwhelming. Not surprisingly, this condition can lead to depression; many studies have shown that doing both fun and important activities is essential for keeping your mood in a healthy range.

Remedies

If you think you might be experiencing chronic seriousness, offer yourself some compassion. You're certainly not alone in your seriousness, and it's not a sign of any shortcomings on your part. And don't despair: While the condition is chronic, it doesn't have to be permanent. These steps can be helpful in recovery.

• Have a little laugh at yourself and how humorless you've become. There's something a bit comical about being so serious. Taking yourself very seriously is a key feature of chronic seriousness, so being willing to laugh at yourself is one of the best remedies.
• Gradually introduce more fun into your life. This could be a little scary at first, since fun can seem like a dangerous distraction from what you're "really" supposed to be doing. Start with one modest activity per day and work your way up from there.
• Allow yourself to "clock out" from the constant sense of duty and obligation when you're doing something enjoyable. Again, this might be uncomfortable initially, like letting go of mentally keeping the plane in the air as an airline passenger. Let your brain learn that things can be OK even without your continuous attention and concern.
• Practice a bit of judo on your chronic seriousness: Remind yourself that having fun is very important. There are few things better for your health than a seriously good laugh.
• Find activities that have no larger point or goal beyond the experience itself. They're not investments in the future or even obviously good for you. For example, sit outside and see what you notice, or doodle aimlessly for 15 minutes.
• Spend time with kids. Unless you're hanging out with Wednesday Addams, kids are almost certain to bring some lightness into your life.
• Do something unexpected: Run around your house in the middle of a downpour. Tell a dirty joke. Learn to juggle. Wear something silly. Surprise is the essence of humor, and humor has been shown to effectively treat chronic seriousness.

Facebook image: Krakenimages.com/Shutterstock