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Adolescence
How Do You Know If Your Kid Is Ready for Independence?
Record numbers of young adults bounce back home.
Posted November 14, 2014
These days, record numbers of young adults bounce back home. They are labeled with failure to launch or called boomerang kids. They return home overwhelmed, having fallen off course in their attempts to exit the family and start life on their own. But why do some kids struggle when it’s time to take on independence? It begs the question: What do kids need in order to be fully ready to launch?
College acceptance boards and HR experts at companies screen candidates to ensure they are qualified to enter universities or careers. Applicants are filtered in (or out) based on intellectual gifts, drive, and accomplishments. So, why do some thrive while others flounder? Most experts would point to a group of skills and attributes as the determining factors in young adult success or failure. Kids with a solid foundation of healthy coping and self care skills are better equipped to hang in there when the transition away from home gets tough.
The best approach to ensure a kid will succeed: teach the requisite skills. Skills every teen should develop before leaving home:
Emotional/Psychological Skills:
What are they?
Emotional and psychological skills include the ability to identify emotions, self soothe, exhibit self-control of inner emotional states, wait patiently, solve problems, delay gratification, tolerate uncomfortable feelings, and maintain control of behavior.
Why are these skills important?
Young adults with well developed emotional/psychological skills know how to walk away from a fight and how to exit an out of control social situation (like a party where friends are using drugs). They can manage emotions rather than fall apart under stress.
Friendship/Interpersonal Relationship Skills:
What are they?
Good social skills go a long way. Teens should know how to carry on a conversation with a person of any age. They should be good judges of character. They should learn to speak up, stand up for a friend, keep a secret (and when to refuse to keep a secret), how to ignore bad behavior, and when to confront someone who is out of line. Likewise they need to learn to really listen, admit fault and apologize, talk out a conflict with a friend (or roommate), say I love you, and hug.
Why are these skills important?
Relationship problems can result in job loss (nobody wants an employee who can’t get along with coworkers) and can serve as a big distraction from daily responsibilities. It’s hard to stay focused when you’re in constant conflict with a roommate or a professor. Interpersonal skills can help kids navigate conflicts and misunderstandings.
Romantic/Intimate Relationship Skills:
What are they?
They can learn to ask someone to dance, navigate romantic feelings, and eventually to break up with a boyfriend or girlfriend.
Why are these skills important?
Romantic skills can help kids learn to distinguish between love and infatuation. They can also learn to cope with rejection, say no, and control the urge to advance physical relationships too quickly.
Financial skills:
What are they?
Before leaving home, teens need practice budgeting, managing money, balancing a checkbook, saving for emergencies, maintaining bank accounts, and paying bills.
Why are these skills important?
Budgeting problems can cause kids to bounce back home. If they cant pay the bills, they won’t be capable if independence.
Academic/Work Skills:
What are they?
When teens know how to be punctual, stay on task, and pay attention to details, they are better equipped for school and career. Volunteering or working part time while living with parents can build these skills further.
Why are these skills important?
Learning how to be a productive student or employee begins with learning basic responsibility.
Domestic/Maintenance Skills:
What are they?
Basic cooking, auto maintenance- like learning when the car should be serviced and how to change a tire, laundry, cleaning skills for a dorm room or apartment, and handling small household emergencies like a clogged toilet are all skills necessary to build before teens move out.
Why are these skills important?
Domestic emergencies can be overwhelming and expensive. Maintenance and prevention can save kids from stress and costly mistakes.
Self-Care Skills:
What are they?
Your teen should be equipped to ask for help, say no, and be assertive. Most teens need to learn to be in a quiet place to re-group, talk or write about difficult problems, and to plug into a faith community for support.
Why are these skills important?
When young adults move out, Mom and Dad are no longer around to hold them up. Kids need to learn to do these things for themselves to lower the risk of succumbing to daily pressures and insecurities.
Medical Care Management Skills:
What are they?
Every adult needs to have healthcare knowledge to be capable of giving a medical history, filling a prescription at a pharmacy, or knowing how to self-diagnose simple illnesses, use a thermometer, and take over-the-counter medications.
Why are these skills important?
They first time a young adult gets sick far from home, s/he may feel completely overwhelmed and unprepared. Basic health management skills empower young adults to practice self-care and to see a medical professional when necessary.
To develop new skills, your teen needs to learn through experience. Give your teen ample room to take on responsibilities and make mistakes while he still lives at home. Provide abundant opportunities for supervised practice. Your family is the best judge of when your teenager is ready. Base your support and expectations on your child's abilities, level of emotional security, and personal history.
