4 Tips for Success in Couples Teletherapy

More couples than ever before are seeking out virtual therapy services instead of receiving treatment in person. Couples teletherapy removes obstacles related to scheduling difficulties, finding childcare, stigma, and accessing qualified professionals based on immediate geography. Importantly, research has demonstrated similar increases in relationship satisfaction and mental health as well as an ability to develop a good relationship with one’s therapist when couples therapy is done virtually as compared to in person. Overall, positive experiences have been documented for couples who participate in teletherapy.

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I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) who exclusively practices virtually. Below are tips pulled from research and my own experience in clinical practice to help you achieve virtual success in your couples teletherapy sessions.

1. Be in the same location as your partner.

A common reason couples seek out therapy is due to problematic communication patterns. In couples therapy, the therapist needs to be able to gain a better understanding of what is driving negative communication and restructure these patterns.

If you and your partner are logging into the session from separate locations (e.g., you log in from work, and your partner logs in from home), your therapist won’t be able to observe authentic patterns of communication that occur between you and your partner. Moreover, it will be difficult for your therapist to get a sense of significant non-verbal communication that typically occurs. This includes things like physical contact and proximity, eye contact, and body language and gestures.

Additionally, your therapist will need to be able to restructure problematic patterns. For example, your therapist might ask your partner to “turn towards” you and ask a question or listen in a specific way to create a new pattern of communication. If you and your partner are in different physical locations talking through the screen, a barrier will exist to the authenticity of such interventions and they likely won’t be as effective.

So, while it might be most convenient to log in from different locations during the midst of your day-to-day routine, it may be most advantageous to carve out a time when you can be physically together.

2. Place your device securely in front of you.

Rest the device on a surface in front of you, ensuring both the picture and sound of you and your partner are captured. Don’t hold your device or rest it on your lap. This may cause the picture to be shaky, reduce visibility, and/or muffle sound. As described above, it’s important for your therapist to be able to see and hear the interactions between you and your partner throughout sessions as well as for you to be able to move without restriction.

3. Create a private and comfortable space.

A benefit of having teletherapy sessions in the comfort of your own home is that it removes some barriers that going in person can create. On the flip side, your home may not offer the same privacy as a therapist’s office.

Consider what you might need to put into place to create a private space so you and your partner can talk about the topics you need to without interruptions or being overheard. For example, if you have kids, consider a time of day that might work best (e.g., during naptime) or what structures might need to be put into place (e.g., allow screentime in another room).

You can also set up the space for sessions in a way that helps you stay focused (e.g., closing all other internet browsers) and increases comfort (e.g., grabbing a fuzzy blanket).

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4. Ensure there are no barriers to teletherapy communication.

Consider if there are any barriers that might come up for you and your partner to best engage in sessions virtually. Do either of you have hearing impairments or any type of language barrier? Your typical role might be for one partner to serve as an interpreter, but it’s important that this is not the case in the session. Be sure to talk with your therapist ahead of time about any such issues so advanced planning can occur.

Overall, if you’re seeking out a couples therapist, the same is true for virtual couples therapy as in-person. You must find a qualified couples therapist for the issues in which you are seeking services. Look for a licensed marriage and family therapist or another licensed mental health professional who has sought training specific to working with couples. Also, because “fit” has been shown to be one of the most important predictors of success in therapy it's suggested you ask for a pre-therapy consult. During this consult, you can learn about the therapist’s approach as well as troubleshoot the topics discussed here to see if your presenting issues would be a good fit for telehealth with the therapist.

To find a therapist near you, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.