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Performance Anxiety and Tornadoes
The Dexter Tornado
Julie Jaffee Nagel, Ph.D.
Tornado approaching Dexter, Michigan
Two days ago I left my office to go home in the late afternoon, headed for my car in the parking structure about a block away. It had been an unusually warm day in Ann Arbor for March 15 - the temperatures had reached the 70s. The sun was welcome but the temperatures and the humidity had increased throughout the day - very unusual for March in Michigan. Typically at this time of year, winter is making its last gasp and often we have ice storms that glaze the trees and roads.
One never could have predicted what was about to happen. As I left my office, a drizzle quickly turned into a downpour. Eager to get to my car, but not having my umbrella with me, I decided to stop in my favorite coffee shop, Café Ambrosia, to wait out the storm with a cup of tea. It was only then that I began to hear the weather reports on the radio and see maps on my iPhone that a tornado was headed right towards Dexter - my hometown. The National Weather Service confirmed a funnel cloud headed our way and people were warned to take cover. I stayed in Café Ambrosia - away from the windows, watching the weather map and listening to the radio. People streamed inside. I could only imagine what was going on outside.
When the "all clear" sounded about two hours later, I headed home - by now hearing that a tornado had struck the village of Dexter and that homes had been demolished. I had no idea what I would find upon reaching my own house. My anxiety mounted as I got close to my street.
I was one of the lucky ones - but many others had been terrified as the funnel cloud and golf-size hail roared toward their homes - about a mile from mine. The terror, devastation, and loss affected so many people who had no control over the path of this highly unusual late-winter tornado. Fortunately, no lives were lost, but the fear that was experienced by residents cannot be measured objectively.
Why do I find this tornado experience related to performance anxiety? So often I have heard my patients describe their feelings as so tumultuous that they will lose control on stage or making a presentation. They fear a total collapse, like the houses in Dexter. They panic at becoming overwhelmed. It is as though a force of nature will take over and destroy their performance. In such a situation, a performer often feels there is no way to cope with impending disaster- in this case stormy anxious feelings.
The Dexter tornado has reminded us that resilience can accompany fear. People took care of themselves by taking cover and by being as safe as best they could.
So it is with performers. The strong feelings that are experienced as anxiety and panic are cues to cope - to be as prepared as possible to deal with the unexpected on stage. And if disaster strikes - a wrong note, a memory slip- to find an inner resilience that allows one to recover and move forward. The people of Dexter are inspiring models for that courage and resilience.
Julie Jaffee Nagel, Ph.D. is a psychologist-psychoanalyst in Ann Arbor, Michigan. She is a graduate of The Juilliard School with a major in piano performance and a minor in stage fright. She is also a graduate of the University of Michigan and the Michigan Psychoanalytic Institute. Nagel publishes, consults with organizations and individuals, and presents on the topics of performance anxiety and music and emotion. Visit her website at julienagel.net.
