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Like many people, I was saddened by the untimely and tragic death of Whitney Houston. I do not routinely listen to pop music, although I am aware of many hit songs and famous singers in that genre. I am, however, moved by the personal tragedy.
Her death brought to mind a call I received many years ago from a reporter for a major entertainment magazine. I receive such calls from time to time since I am often consulted for my work in performance anxiety. This reporter asked me to give advice to Ms. Houston who then was in the news for her personal difficulties. I remember telling him that I would not attempt to give advice to someone I did not know much less someone whom I had never talked with in person. Further, if she had consulted me, I would not reveal anything that she or I had said. I offered to share some general ideas about fame, stress, and the pressures of being under relentless public scrutiny. He declined my offer, and not long after, I saw an article in his magazine that offered “advice” to Whitney Houston.
How tempting it can be when invited by the press to give sound bites. How seductive it is for a performer to be adored by the press and an audience. How blurred the lines become between public and private lives. In the wake of Whitney Houston’s tragedy, I have reflected upon celebrity and the high price one can pay for it.
I decided to make some general comments now that the reporter apparently did not want to hear. My remarks are not about Whitney Houston, but about fame, self-concept, and appearing before an adoring public. To be in the public eye is something performers seek. It often provides their oxygen. Without external public adoration and approval, many people feel they are not good enough. They find it difficult, often impossible, to be convinced of their self-worth from inside their mind. External approval is continually chased. Thus audience “love” appears to emanate from outside — it is external and performers often feel they must be “good enough” to deserve it and receive it. In some cases, public adoration induces guilt that one has actually earned it, perhaps leaving others less fortunate in their wake. It is not unusual that for some people, internal convictions about self-worth are unavailable.
The performer needs and craves applause. Without it, some performers feel empty. Unable to love themselves, the performer looks to others to supply emotional nourishment. Some performers truly believe, despite much acclaim to the contrary, they are NOT good enough.
There are many factors that contribute to one’s feeling of self worth — or lack of it. To uncover these issues, it is imperative to be able to talk with the performer and help him or her discover and dislodge their old myths they hold about themselves that led to a negative or guilty self-image.
At Whitney Houston’s funeral, some moving remarks by Kevin Costner conveyed important ideas that are pertinent to all of us — the famous and the non-famous. Costner was remembering a screen test that Ms. Houston was about to take in order to be considered for the movie The Bodyguard. He recalls her uneasiness about acting since she was a singer. And he remembered how after a few minutes into the audition, she was asked to stop. Ms. Houston was certain she not gotten the role. As Costner tried to convince her that she had not been eliminated from consideration he realized her makeup was streaming down her face. She told him that she was not comfortable with the heavy makeup that had been applied for the audition and that she had replaced it with cosmetics that were more comfortable for her. She had not realized that her replacement makeup would melt under the hot studio lights. After a reapplication, she auditioned and got the part.
Costner made the point that Houston did not need to fear what was underneath her makeup. That she was good enough without anything covering her.
In my work with musicians and others who make public presentations, I frequently discover that a person is not feeling “good enough”. Typically these talented, smart, and well-prepared people insist on winning audience approval through an extraordinary performance. This produces tremendous pressure on an individual and, in reality, never guarantees the love desired. Unfortunately, acceptance is always dependent on the next performance. Then the next, and the next… and so on. It is an unending search.
In the course of therapy, as in life outside the consulting room, one often projects and transfers onto the audience the qualities one is unable to tolerate in oneself (in this case insecurities about not feeling good enough). Then the performer worries that the audience will not approve of them. A goal of treatment is to help people feel comfortable with themselves, to feel competent, and to develop greater self-acceptance. Impediments to one’s beliefs about self-worth are worked through.
Self-love and self-acceptance leave little room for makeup because there is nothing to conceal. One’s value as a person is not dependent upon a performance or upon what other people think. One’s good-enoughness originates from inside one’s mind, is portable, and serves as an anchor in times of stress. This is as true for the celebrity as it is for all of us.
Julie Jaffee Nagel, Ph.D. is a psychologist-psychoanalyst in private practice in Ann Arbor, Michigan. She is a graduate of The Juilliard School with a major in piano performance and a minor in stage fright. She is also a graduate of the University of Michigan and the Michigan Psychoanalytic Institute. Nagel publishes, presents, and consults on the topics of performance anxiety and music and emotion. Visit her website at julienagel.net.
