5 Supportive Things to Say When Your Child Is Sad

When your child tells you they are feeling sad, it's important to offer them support and show that you care. Even before the pandemic, anxiety and depression were becoming more common among children and adolescents, increasing 27 percent and 24 percent respectively from 2016 to 2019. By 2020, 5.6 million kids (9.2 percent) had been diagnosed with anxiety problems and 2.4 million (4.0 percent) had been diagnosed with depression.

Many parents ask me what they can say to best provide comfort when their children are feeling sad or depressed. Below are five ways to respond depending on your child's expressed sad feelings, past patterns of communicating, and the helpful intention you want to convey:

1. "I'm sorry you're feeling sad. Is there anything I can do to help?" This response lets your child know you take their feelings seriously by expressing your desire to help them.
2. "I'm here for you if you need to talk or if there's anything else you need." By offering to be supportive this way, you are reinforcing your role as a listener, gentle prober, and supportive problem-solver. This soundbite dovetails with the points (kids learning self-regulation and problem-solving skills) I made in a recent post entitled "The Two Skills Your Child Needs for a Successful Life."
3. "It's OK to feel sad sometimes. Do you want to talk about what's been going on?" With this response, you provide emotional support through validation and a probe to further explore their sadness.
4. "I'm here to listen, and only listen if you want to share how you're feeling." By reinforcing your role as a listener, you can use this response to reassure your child that you will not impose unsolicited advice.
5. "I care about you and I'm here to support you no matter why you are struggling." I assure you that no adult child has ever complained to me that their parents expressed this connecting, loving message to them too many times during their childhood.

Letting Them Know It Is Safe To Talk To You

Perhaps when you read the above suggestions, you feel discouraged. This may be because your child does not engage with you in a way for your to express those types of statements.

Don't be hard on yourself if your child is not emotionally forthcoming with you. Remember that every child's experience of sadness, and openness about it, is unique. It is important to gear your support (even if all you do is listen) based on what your child is experiencing.

As I discuss in my book, The Anxiety, Depression, and Anger Toolbox for Teens, kids of all ages often simultaneously feel multiple big emotions. That means your child may have a hard time even identifying their thoughts and feelings in the first place. If you want to facilitate your child coming to you for support when they are sad or otherwise emotionally hurting, start with the below:

• Create a safe communication space: Make sure your child knows they can come to you and talk to you about anything, without fear of judgment or punishment.
• Teach your child to recognize their emotions: Help your child identify and understand their emotions and recognize when they're feeling sad or upset.
• Encourage your child to express their feelings: Encourage your child to express their feelings in words, through drawing, or other creative means.
• Model asking for help: Let your child see you asking for help when you need it. This will help normalize the idea of asking for assistance when needed.
• Offer support and encouragement: When your child does ask for help, offer support and encouragement. Let them know that it's OK to ask for help and that you're proud of them for doing so.
• Seek professional help: If your child continues to struggle with asking for help or managing their emotions, consider seeking help from a professional such as a therapist or counselor.

Final Thoughts

Remember, it's important to be patient and understanding with your child. It may take time for them to feel comfortable asking for help, so keep the lines of communication open and be there for them when they need you. Supporting your child through sad times is a gift that will continually help them as they go through their life.