The Most Reliable Ways to Help Kids Thrive

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I recently discussed creating a parent program for a popular app. The project fell through. I’m glad; as it turns out, they craved content that was flashy and sensational, not reassuring and proven. More concerning was the implication that “exciting and new” is better. This all-to-common, headline-driven approach increases stress for parents.

Raising kids can be hard, even without the push for quick fixes. Much of what children need is easy to describe and yet a grind to implement. The understandable urge is often to reach for “new” or maybe “easier.” But an enduring analogy for parents is the famed little engine that could; plans can feel hard to move forward but become more effortless once over the hilltop. Muster the energy to stay the course, and you’ll often find a smoother track ahead.

In fact, cutting-edge research suggests that raising resilient, kind, and independent kids still relies on “the modern science of getting back to the basics.” You don’t need to buy or hear anything brand new. Sticking to what you know most often works to set your children up for success.

From both a common-sense and evidence-based perspective, what conditions make it more likely our children thrive?

Lots of well-seasoned, well-tested guidance. These proven principles cannot solve every challenge but set down a dependable foundation. In our chaotic world, maintaining this path is hard, but something we all can do for ourselves, our families, and our children.

What follows are answers to several common parental questions, with details in the related links. Much of it, you may know, but it is also a reminder: Push back against the pressure to buy more and do more, and trust in what generations of parents and decades of research have found valuable instead.

• Build Resilience. Even amid challenging circumstances, a focus on resilience is possible for each of us. Resilience starts with emotionally supportive relationships and developing a growth mindset (emphasizing the value of effort). Protect time together in the family calendar, prioritize compassion and communication at home, and aim to be a reliable presence for your children. When things happen out of our control, that presence can be a healing gift in and of itself.
• Set Boundaries. Anyone selling parenting advice based only on positive feedback and discussion misunderstands brain development. Our kids benefit from an overall positive environment, as you might imagine. Without limit-setting tools, parents often disempower themselves and miss an opportunity to teach valuable skills. Balancing positive relationships with limits and boundaries is not only normal—it is educational. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.
• Pick up Books, Put Down Devices. Books and reading correlate with language and academic skills: Screen time does not. Educational technology, particularly in early childhood, has no proven benefits. Kids are more likely to learn to read for fun if parents model reading themselves, set screen time limits, and if schools teach reading well (in fact, this type of direct instruction is useful for almost any new academic skill set). A well-used, free library card is worth more than a tablet for a child’s growth. And reading together also builds relationships, as it turns out.
• Go to Bed. Sleep training is safe and effective in almost any situation as long as we parents follow a consistent routine. It’s grueling as an adult, but there are, unfortunately, no other shortcuts. Since kids (and many teens) typically don’t care all that much about healthy sleep, it’s up to us to prioritize healthy sleep habits.
• Go Play. Free play builds a self-management skill set called executive function. Strong executive function correlates with better social, academic, and health outcomes. Screen time does not build executive function and potentially undermines it. Protecting open-ended playtime (where children take the lead independently, with peers, or with caring adults) can be seen as one practical “intervention” to support child development, free and possible for any family.
• Keep Moving. Physical exercise is a vital part of both physical and mental health as well as supporting sleep and learning. Our culture has become less active, but for any body type, athletic or not, exercise helps. For most of us, this routine requires constant reinforcement. Getting kids moving relies on the lifestyle we model, expectations we set, and, again, clear screen limits (a tiring theme for the modern parent for sure). Discuss exercise as something that’s simply part of life: It doesn’t matter how you want to move your body, but you’ve got to move.
• Stay Involved. Executive function skills grow into our mid-20s, so even teens rely on parents to stay healthy and safe. This doesn’t require over-parenting. Instead, create a “safe container” by giving them space to explore while protecting children from extremes. Let them learn from mistakes to a point, then step in and, for example, fix a dysfunctional homework routine or set up a household electronics bedtime. That’s the boundary of the safe container you’ve created.
• Seriously, Unplug. As is probably clear by now, excessive and unmonitored screen time has negative consequences, particularly around social media. Since, by definition, self-management skills only mature in our mid-20s, teens and children usually require adult guidance and limit-setting to develop healthy screen time habits. Devices are literally designed to distract us and influence behavior and powerfully accomplish both. Nowadays, this topic alone may be the most vital and difficult to handle in our homes.
• Don’t Go It Alone. Lastly, for more specific challenges and stresses, speak to an expert (like your pediatrician), and seek evidence-based interventions for common conditions like ADHD, learning disorders, developmental delays, and autism. Overwhelming and upsetting as they may understandably feel, aim for early interventions whenever possible.

See through any sales-driven approach to family advice. Cutting edge is not inherently better; quick fixes and false promises are rarely valuable. Focus on what works and let go of all the extra, whatever your family faces this upcoming school year.

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