Do You Have a Fear of Being Single?

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The number of single American adults is rising, with fewer people getting married than in previous generations. In 2019, about a third of U.S. adults polled by Pew Research were single (31 percent). Of those, about half were looking for a relationship, while the other half were content with singlehood. Interestingly, the demographic groups with the highest rates of singlehood were younger men (18-29) and older women (65+).

Despite this growing trend towards singlehood, not everyone is comfortable being single. Some people experience anxiety or distress when thinking about being single. This could be concern about their current state of singlehood or fear of not finding someone in the future.

And this fear is not isolated to those who are currently single. People in relationships can also feel anxious when thinking about the possibility of their current relationship ending and being single again in the future. There is even a term to describe the fear of being single when it reaches phobic levels—anuptaphobia.

What causes people to fear being single?

People who fear being single report concerns about missing out on long-term companionship, never having a family or children, and growing old alone. But they also mention being judged negatively and feeling worthless or bad about themselves, tapping into singlism, the stigma associated with singlehood.

Although perceptions of singlehood are shifting as people increasingly choose to be single, researchers have previously found that people view single adults more negatively than partnered adults. For example, research from the early 2000s showed that people tended to describe married individuals as mature, stable, honest, happy, kind, and loving. In contrast, they were more likely to describe single individuals as independent but also self-centered, unhappy, lonely, and ugly.

How does fear of being single end up affecting people’s relationship choices?

There is evidence that people who are afraid to be single can end up being less selective when looking for a romantic partner and tend to settle for less satisfying relationships. People who fear being single are also more likely to experience greater longing for ex-partners and have a harder time getting over breakups. For example, results from a one-month study tracking 117 individuals who had just gone through a breakup showed that on days when people were more afraid of being single, they missed their exes more and were more likely to try to renew their relationship. On the flip side, breaking up increases people’s fear of being single, regardless of who does the breaking up.

Does this sound familiar? Do you or someone you know tend to pursue relationships not because you’ve met someone you really want to be with but out of fear of not being in a relationship at all?