Your reaction to loss will, in part, be influenced by the circumstances surrounding it. The death of a loved one is always difficult, particularly when it is sudden or accidental. Your relationship to the person who has died will greatly influence your reaction to the loss.
A Spouse's Death
The loss of a husband or wife is particularly hard. The surviving spouse will usually have to deal with a multitude of decisions regarding funeral arrangements, finances, and other legalities at a time when they may feel least able to deal with such matters. The bereaved spouse may also have to explain the death to children and help them through their grief. In addition to the severe emotional trauma, the death may lead to financial problems if the deceased spouse was the family's main source of income. Returning to the job market (or entering it for the first time) can be one of the most challenging tasks for the recently bereaved spouse. When searching for a job, look for ways to capitalize on the skills you have developed over the years.
A Child's Death
Regardless of the cause of death, or the age of the child, this is an emotionally devastating event that overwhelms a parent. A child's death arouses an overwhelming sense of injustice—for lost potential, unfulfilled dreams, and senseless suffering. Parents may feel responsible for the child's death, no matter how irrational that may seem. Parents may also feel that they have lost a vital part of their own identity.
A Parent's Death
No matter what age you are—young or old, single or with a family of your own—you will still be deeply affected by the death of your mother or father. When your mom or dad dies, it may be one of the most emotional losses you'll experience in life. It is only natural to feel consumed by a combination of pain, fear, and deep sadness at the loss of such a significant influence in your life.
The specifics of how you grieve will depend on a number of personal factors, including your relationship with your parent, age, gender, religious beliefs, previous experience with death, and whether or not you believe it was time for your parent to die.
When you lose a parent, you may also lose a lifelong friend, counselor, and adviser. Therefore, you may suddenly feel very much alone, even if you have the support of other family and friends. Even the loss of your parent's home as a natural place for family gatherings can add to the grief you experience.
After the initial shock fades, you will experience what is called secondary loss. This is when you may begin to think of all the upcoming experiences that your parent will not be there to share in. Things like career accomplishments, watching your own children grow, and other milestones. If you are older, the death of a parent may even bring up issues of your own mortality.
Allowing yourself to grieve for the loss of your parent will help you to say goodbye and loosen the emotional bonds to a loved one who has been a special part of your life.
A Loss Due To Suicide
For every suicide it is claimed that on average six people suffer intense grief. Those affected include parents, partners, children, siblings, relatives, friends, coworkers, and clinicians. Coping with bereavement through suicide can be more difficult than dealing with other losses because of the feelings of stigmatization, shame, guilt, and rejection that are often experienced. The stigma that still attaches to deaths by suicide in many cultures can increase the bereaved person's sense of isolation and vulnerability.
A Pet's Death
The death of a pet will often mean the loss of a cherished family member and can trigger great sorrow. People love their pets and consider them members of their family. Caregivers celebrate their pets' birthdays, confide in their animals, and carry pictures of them in their wallets. So when your beloved pet dies, it's not unusual to feel overwhelmed by the intensity of your sorrow. Animals provide companionship, acceptance, emotional support, and unconditional love during the time they share with you. Other people may find it hard to understand such a reaction to what they may see as the loss of "just an animal," and they may, therefore, be less understanding of your grief. However, your loss is significant and you should give yourself permission to mourn the passing of your beloved pet.
Anticipatory Grief
Anticipatory grief is the normal mourning that occurs when a patient or family is expecting a death. Anticipatory grief has many of the same symptoms as those experienced after a death has occurred.
Anticipatory grief includes depression, extreme concern for the dying person, preparing for the death, and adjusting to changes caused by the death. It can give the family time to get used to the reality of the impending loss. People are able to complete "unfinished business" with the dying person (for example, saying "good-bye," "I love you," or "I forgive you").
Anticipatory grief may not always occur. A person does not necessarily feel the same kind of grief before a death occurs as the grief felt after a death. There is no set amount of grief that a person will feel. Grief experienced before a death does not make the grief after that death easier or shorter in duration.
Some people believe that anticipatory grief is rare. To accept a loved one's death while he or she is still alive may leave the mourner feeling as if the dying patient has been abandoned. Furthermore, expecting the loss can make the attachment to the dying person stronger. Although anticipatory grief may help the family, witnessing the grief of family and friends can be very hard for the dying person who can become withdrawn as a result.
Some grief reactions are not considered "normal." For example, persistent and intrusive feelings of guilt in the survivor (or thoughts that he or she should have died along with the deceased) are more characteristic of depression than normal bereavement. Depression in bereavement can be successfully treated.
Other losses occurring in later life may precipitate grief or depression. Retirement, loss of income, deteriorating physical health, and having to give up driving are just some of the more common occurrences that might cause grief reactions in older people.
