There's negative and there's positive vibes. Criticism sends out negative vibes. So do complaints, disagreement, blame and frowns. Love, by contrast, involves the emanation of positive energies. Offering thanks, gratitude and appreciation, along with interest in others' lives and warm smiles, all are words and actions that send forth positive energy. These positive emanations convey a loving stance. The more positives you send folks, the more they will feel loved by you, and the more they are likely to appreciate you in return.
Folks who emanate positive vibes are upbeat to talk with. They feel "warm." Whether they are your boss, your employee or colleague, your friend, family members or loved ones; these folks feel safe to share with, and, like sunshine, radiate good feelings. Their positivity makes you want to talk with them more because they've set good vibes as a relationship standard.
Positive leaders consistently avoid being critical, negating what you say, being argumentative or responding dismissively to what you say. Those negative energy habits are what negative folks do.
Interacting with negative folks or being in a group that they lead induces downer feelings, makes others feel insecure and can become downright unpleasant.
Positive individuals and leaders, by contrast, convey interest in your perspectives and well-being, agreement, appreciation, humor and affection.
How can you tell if a person has or positive or a negative impacts on you?
Subconsciously, your body spurts feel-good chemicals when you hear positive words and phrases or recieve a smile, eye contact, or a pat on the back. Seretonin and oxytocin levels in your body rise. By contrast, seretonin levels in your body go down when you interact with someone who is negative telling you, "Stay away!"
You can decide to be a positive person, and can choose how much positive energy you want to emanate.
The following a list of sentence starters that launch good vibes along with whatever information you are wanting to convey. I'll bet you could add some more.
1. Yes... "Yes, going swimming sounds appealing." [Note, "Yes... but.." has the opposite impact. The but deletes the positivity of the Yes.]
2. I agree. "I agree that it's too hot to much exercise other than swimming today."
3 I appreciate .... "I appreciate your willingness to pack a lunch before we head out."
4. Thank you for.... "Thanks so much for getting me moving. I was stuck in my armchair."
5. I like (love, enjoy, etc) ... "I like that bathingsuit! Looks terrific!" And to initiate action "I would like to ...".
6. That makes sense to me because.... "Bringing lunch makes sense to me because the food at the pool is so expensive."
7. I'm pleased (happy, delighted, etc) that... "I'm pleased that you thought to invite our friends to join us at the pool."
8. Good! (Excellent, Great, Wow, Cool, Terrific, etc) "Great. Let's hop in the car."
9. How...? or What ....? [Note: These open-ended question words convey interest in the other.] "How are you feeling about driving since your recent accident?" "What have you heard lately from your Mom?"
10. Positive non-verbals like enthusiasm in your tone of voice, genuine interest, smiles, laughter, playfulness, eye-contact, plus, with intimates, hugs and other physical expressions of affection ...
Every sentence you say of course will not radiate good vibes. Some talking is serious, or just for information-sharing. At the same time, generously seasoning your interactions with positive expressions of agreement, appreciation, affection, good humor and enthusiasm warms your relationships and brightens how people feel when they talk with you.
Of course positive words have an even more potent impact when they are accompanied by an enthusiastic tone of voice and genuine interest in the other. Be sure therefore to add liberal sprinklings of #10's.
The brief video below illustrates how positive vibes sustain the glow of love in marriage. Those principles apply to all realtionships. (Sorry about the muddled front picture; hopefully the video itself works fine). The video can help you to assess how you've been doing in the department of positive emanations and give you further ideas on how to do more.
Be a positive leader in all your relationships. Emanate positive vibes, even to yourself, and affection and appreciation will return your way. Everyone will enjoy the sunshine!
Denver clinical psychologist Susan Heitler, Ph.D, a graduate of Harvard and NYU, is author of Power of Two, a book, a workbook, and a website that teach the communication skills that sustain positive relationships.
Click here for a free Power of Two relationship assessment.
Click the Power of Two logo to learn the skills for a strong, emotionally healthy and loving marriage.