Anger feels strengthening but is off-putting to others.
Excessive anger is a problematic factor in many disorders and particularly in the syndrome referred to as borderline personality disorder. Along with splitting (seeing others as all good or all bad, as angels or devils) and creating chaos by getting everyone to fight, anger episodes are major contributors to the tendency of bpd folks to wreck their relationships by being too "high maintenance" to live with.
Do you feel like you do too much anger?
The anger treatment options I describe here can help you also if you tend toward verbal abusiveness, narcissism, paranoid or other diagnosable picture. The first key to change is that you must regard your anger as problematic and want to change your angry ways.
Because anger outbursts antagonize friends, co-workers and family members, they can leave you feeling alone and realistically fearful that folks will abandon you. Fortunately, anger habits can be changed if you determine that you want to change your ways.
This current article describes a three-pronged treatment staregy.
Here's my top three approaches to reducing the anger of borderline and other anger-prone personality styles.
1. Energy therapy to reduce the tendency to anger.
Traumatic events such as sexual abuse, bullying, adoption and other intense emotional experiences seem to have occurred in the early years for many, though by no means all, individuals with bpd.
Energy psychology techniques such as The Emotion Code can access, identify, and neutralize early-life factors that, because they are pre-verbal, other treatment methods cannot. The outcome of these revolutionary diagnostic and healing methods is a calmer person.
Another hunch I have from energy psychology work is that borderlines are often psychologically reversed. That is, they are oriented toward staying miserable rather than toward happiness. I would love to see research on this hypothesis, especially since it is a condition that is easily treated with an intervention that takes generally less than a half hour.
I saw startling results using these energy treatment with a young boy who looked like he was on the path to bpd. He's still a sensitive young lad, but since treatment of his psychological reversal and the traumatic bullying incident at age three that had triggered it, the excessive drama and frequent emotional outbursts have ceased. He also went from being off-putting to very likable and loving.
The bottom line is that bpd individuals use anger to get what they want. If they are going to forego this alienating strategy, what are better options that they can learn instead of the old explode-and-win route?
Learning collaborative communication and conflict resolution to replace the old ways with better new ones is essential. Learning how to exit situations at the first warning signs of an anger eruption, self-soothe, and then return to the dialogue ready to continue more calmly also are vital skills. Fortunately, in addition to joining an anger management group or signing up for therapy to learn these techniques, self-help is also available via the internet.
(3) Zero tolerance from family members for anger outbursts.
Angry children can become bpd adults.
With regard to this third prong of treatment, there's a highly effective treatment protocol developed by therapists in Israel for young people who show with quickness to anger and domination of parents and sibs with their anger outbursts.
This treatment approaches teaches parents to institute zero tolerance for anger outbursts. They are taught to exit immediately any situation in which the emotionally hyper-reachtive child or adolescent begins to show the very first signs of anger. The parents are taught to go into another room when anger begins to intrude on pleasant interactions. If the bpd individual follows them into the other room, exit the house. If the bpd follows again, exit via the car, reminding the bpd that they will return as previously explained in x period of time (could be 15 minutes, a half hour, or more, depending on the age of the bpd).
With anger no longer an effective means of controlling others, it soon ceases to be utiized by the bpd to get what s/he wants. This same technique can be used for adult-to-adult anger explosiveness.
Conclusions about treatment for borderline personality style
DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) is generally seen as the "empirically validated" and therefore standard treatment for bpd. It does seem to help many people, so that's certainly an option in addition to the ideas above.
I am also very impressed with Rich Simon's article in the Family Networker describing a case example of using Richard Schwartz's Internal Family Systems therapy methods.
This article is meant to expand those options, particularly by focusing on reduction of the excessive anger component of bpd functioning.
Note also that many people with bpd also have narcissistic, sociopathic, paranoid, physically abusive, alcohol/drug and other pathoogical tendencies. The treatment described above is unlikely to impact these.
However, many people who experience chaos and splitting in their relationships as aspects of a pattern of controlling others with anger, do want to change. If so, they can grow significantly with this three-pronged borderline personality disorder treatment approach.
It's never too late to give change a try!
Denver clinical psychologist Susan Heitler, Ph.D. specializes in helping couples to build strong marriages and helping families to build cooperative and joyful relationships. Her website PowerOfTwoMarriage.com, which is based on her relationship skills book The Power of Two, teaches the skills for sustaining cooperation.