Why can’t my fiance take responsibility for a huge mistake?

My future husband dumped me—after I catered to his every wish. Only when he became violent and I called the police did he say it was over. Why doesn’t he just say he’s sorry and continue our relationship?

Good question, but there’s a better one to ask yourself: Why are you so eager to be with a guy who’s flashing neon signs that he’s terrible mate material?

He can’t apologize, because he thinks you did something worse—betrayed him by calling the cops. (Of course, you acted to protect yourself, a wise move.) He has some warped notions about relationships, such as: it’s OK to control you by any means, including violence, whenever his buttons get pushed. Every couple faces difficult issues; you resolve them by talking them out, not duking it out.

By catering to his whims, you have planted the notion that he is entitled to demand whatever he wants. Relationships work only when they are two-way streets. You’ve made yours one-way and not put up any stop signs.

Everyone has legitimate needs for love, respect and—above all—safety in a relationship. It’s time to start looking for a partner who can meet those very basic needs.