My husband is my best Reality Checker.
Oh, it's so much fun having an anxiety disorder! I often think that whatever I'm feeling is nonsense caused by wacky chemicals. Of course, even if a feeling
is caused by wacky brain chemistry, it's still valid, and I'm talking about the physical effects of anxiety. Whether I think they're "valid" or not, they are real: racing heart, stomach ache, shortness of breath and more. And yet, I feel guilty whenever I need to take care of myself. I often need some help remembering to do this. I'm lucky in that I have surrounded myself with loved ones who set me straight, tell me they're here for me, no matter what, and who really don't seem to mind that I often need a shoulder to cry on five times a week.
Even though I am quick to label a symptom as not real or psychosomatic, it often turns out that I'm having a normal reaction to life. Even if I am a little sensitive. So why do I keep thinking that being "good enough" means being "perfect"? And that being "perfect" means never needing anything from anyone? How creepy would I be if I just did everything right the first time and never needed a hug? Answer: very creepy.
The following is a list of symptoms that I recently attempted to write off by attributing them to anxiety, only to realize each "problem" had been caused by something ordinary, everyday and just plain reasonable. I happen to think they're a little bit funny, because if I didn't laugh at myself, well... I'd miss out on too many opportunities to laugh!
- My heart is racing. So what? Oh, that's not normal? What do you mean "was it the coffee?" Oh, because caffeine could do that! I get it! You just might be right about that.
- I have a stomach ache. Oh, well, I must be anxious. What's that you said? What about antibiotics? Oh yeah, I am on antibiotics! They do give me stomach aches! You are right; I should eat some yogurt.
- I'm so sleepy. I hate how anxiety wears me out and makes me want to take naps all the time. Huh? Take the nap? Why? Oh, yeah! I'm sick! And antibiotics do make me sleepy. Maybe it's not anxiety...
- I'm so sleepy; I hate how anxiety makes me want to go to bed at 9:00 pm. What's that you said? Did I work today? Well, yes, I did. So. Oh, working is a good reason to be tired, I suppose.
- I need a hug because I'm a freak who freaks out at the tiniest things and I had a hard day at work. What's that? It's normal to be upset about a formal reprimand at work? It's normal to need a hug? Huh... I guess that's plausible...
