Does this sound like your boss? "I'm just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off of me... At long last brains have arrived. And just thank ME I'm alive... I'm just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off me." If you have a bad boss who acts as if the universe was created solely for his own gratification, you may have to deploy some managing up techniques. The sooner the better; you owe it to yourself.
It's not that bad or childish bosses— "TOTs" (Terrible Office Tyrants)—are intentionally out to sabotage your career. Many are just "me-focused." They believe the world really does focus around them in the workplace. Unfortunately, employees who don't stand up for themselves (diplomatically) can get trampled in their desire to please.
Four Ways to Manage Up
1. Examine and Reinforce. If your boss needs 24/7 admiration rivaling that of Snow White's stepmother, then you have some work ahead! Use your own emotional intelligence methods to determine if your boss has underlying insecurities about the job at hand. Fragile personas can lurk thinly behind blustering egos.
When your TOT takes a tiny step toward refocusing on you or other employees, use praise lavishly. Subtly mention other events in the company that led to great results—where managers were team oriented. Make sure your remarks are made during very casual, non-threatening conversations. Timing matters.
2. Reveal the Effects. If your TOT's self-absorption sucks all the light energy out of the room—or generally makes the team want to scramble for the Exit door, help your boss understand the effects in a face-saving way. For example, start with: "Have you noticed that John has been super quiet all week?" Allow the discussion to take its course and ask questions that may lead your boss to reflect on his own actions, slowly guiding the conversation your way. At the very least, you might lead him to think about it later. Always end on a positive note when hinting about negative issues. You want to be thoughtful in your dialog, a great listener, and certainly remain on his team.
3. Execute a Strategy. If you're frequently sequestered in your TOT's office for three hours straight until you're at risk for long-term dehydration—then immediately develop a plan! Instead of falling into a routine of exhausting overtime and weekend work, set limits. Look at your watch and explain your looming deadline which impacts her; your other project deadlines; or, if the workday is drawing to a close, a personal commitment. Eventually, she'll get the idea that you, too, have needs and schedules.
4. Model Good Teamwork. If your self-centered boss wants all the stars in the sky to shine solely on him, then help your TOT learn how to "work well with others" by sharing your own credit with your co-workers or staff. Through e-mails, for example, show him how you praise and showcase your team. Let him witness their positive reactions and results. While it may take him awhile to assimilate this, it may eventually give him pause and help him to shift his style.
Some bosses can be so oblivious to the needs of others that they're almost impossible to be around. If your manager is so egotistical or rude that it affects the quality of your work long term, or causes immense stress, it may be time to visit your favorite job board.
On the other hand, if your TOT is self-centered, but tamable, and you're up for mastering a lifelong skills set, then take the challenge to thrive in your job. These tips just might help you sing your own praises. Privately, of course.
