We live in a pluralistic society-ethnically, culturally, and sexually. Yet the Penn State sex abuse scandal seems to have revealed a small patch of common ground among people who might disagree about many sexual matters.
Forbes columnist James Marshall Cotty claims, "as a question of ethical conduct, it is indisputable that if a grown man over the age of 40 has sex with a child of age 10, it is not consensual, it is not proper, and it is in no way justified, no matter what the actions, inclinations, or orientation of the victim." "Sane Reflections on Penn State Child-Sex-Abuse Scandal" A few days later, Jerry Sandusky claimed that "horsing around" naked in the shower with a naked child is consistent with being innocent of sexual assault. What does that show? Not that there really are no "indisputable" sexual norms in our society. Instead it highlights the human capacity for self-protective self-deception. "Penn State Scandal Victim's Mother Says Sandusky Interview Made Him Look more Guilty"
Sex means different things to different people. Sex also matters to most of us in multiple ways. Sometimes this is a major source of sexual muddle--as when pleasure and power corrupt the judgment of adults who should be guarding the welfare of children.
Yet, multiple perspectives on sex can give us depth perception. Optics is a useful metaphor here. My optometrist swings a machine in front of my face that looks like a clumsily rendered butterfly with two massive, thick wings. I'm told to rest my chin on the indentation and look through the eyeholes.
When the lenses in this contraption are rotated and dropped into place, vision gets blurrier before it gets better. An oft repeated question is "Is it clearer now?" "Which is clearer for you? This one? Or this second one?" the optometrist asks, turning dials and flipping lenses. The optometrist closes in on the right prescription-the prescription that yields 20/20 vision.
20/20 sexual vision might not have helped Jerry Sandusky or Joe Paterno. Insight doesn't automatically close the gap between seeing what you should or shouldn't do and actually getting yourself to do the right thing.
But bringing sex into focus is a step toward better sex. Part of sexual insight is knowing how much sex matters to you, what the sources of its value are in your life and how sexuality fits with all the other things you care most about. Is sex about power for you? Or pleasure? Or status? Or romance? Or intimacy? Or commitment? Or self-expression? All of the above? We should seek at least enough clarity so we can connect with others without wrecking others' lives--or our own.
