Your Zesty Self

New perspectives on freeing yourself from shame and building self-esteem.

Four Steps To Developing Patience

So, what's the purpose of building patience abilities? In a word, happiness. Better relationships, more success. Well worth the effort, I'd say. But effort, indeed, it takes. Read More


What's that?

What is patience?

Thank you for asking. This is from my previous article about patience: "What Patience Is

First, let's look at what patience is and is not. It is not watching the other person and railing inwardly, while trying to maintain an appearance of dignity by "grinning and bearing it" And "holding your tongue."

Here are two dictionary definitions:

Patience is the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without acting on annoyance/anger in a negative way. --Wikipedia

Patience is the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.--"

Thing 1, Thing 2 and Thing 3

Thing 1: I think the first definition is wrong and I would change it to:

Tenacity, Grit, and Resilience are the states of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without acting on annoyance/anger in a negative way. --Wikipedia

Thing 2: I think the second definition is wrong because it contains a circular argument:

[Patience is the quality of being patient]

Thing 3: If you survived this gotcha without getting mad at me then that's patience!

Thank You

Thank you for this post & the promise of more. Last year I dragged my wife into marriage counselling knowing that a big problem I faced was patience to let the process work while I endured the emotional pain of opening airing our issues. Learning how to be a more patient person is a key ingredient to my role in healing or marriage. I look forward to more of your posts.


Smiley face

Thank you for posting these

Thank you for posting these steps. I have a lot of patience towards children. When it comes to Adults, I have little to none. I began seeing this guy that I really care about and I would get impatient with him a lot. He is starting over in life and we have been seeing each other for a year. He says he's not ready to make any serious commitments because he's not where he wants/needs to be financially. I get impatient with him a lot and think that he's not moving fast enough or doing enough to get to a financially stable position yet he wants me not to give up on him or us. I've started over in 2007 after getting separated/divorced and it didn't take me that long to get on my feet. It took me about a year. He's still not ready after a year. We talked about things we both need to work on and one of my things is patience, so I looked it up online and found your steps. I am also reading a book that talks about irritations and how to handle them. At first I didn't really know how much of a problem it was for me. Now, I see I need to grow and learn from this, not just for this hope of something new, but for myself. Thanks again, would you suggest any other sites that I can go on to help grow in this area?


I have always known that patience was never my strong suit. I do find myself feeling discomfort and anger when talking with others whether it is work or personal relationships. I need to find relief why I do this. I know I grew up with a family with little or not patience, so I need to break that cycle and have better realationship with my husband and friends and customers.
Can you recommend a book? Or exercises I can do?

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Jane Bolton, Psy.D., M.F.T., is a supervising and training analyst and adjunct professor at the Institute of Contemporary Psychoanalysis in Los Angeles.


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