Your Zesty Self

Shame often plays a significant part in emotional trauma--that is, emotional pain that becomes unendurable. In my book, Trauma and Human Existence (Routledge, 2007), I claimed that painful emotional experiences become lastingly traumatic when they fail to find a relational home in which they can be held and integrated. One way this can happen is that emotional pain evokes shaming rather than the needed empathic understanding. When such shaming constitutes a recurring pattern, painful feelings come to be regarded as intensely shameful, a double dose of emotional pain that can be excruciatingly unbearable.
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Thank you for your comment.

And yes, "When such shaming constitutes a recurring pattern, painful feelings come to be regarded as intensely shameful, a double dose of emotional pain that can be excruciatingly unbearable." In fact the above mentioned client felt shame when she recognized that she felt shame.

If memory serves me, I think you were one of the first affect scholars, working with Sylvan. S. Tomkins, years ago.

As a management consultant, I can often see the mechanism of shame playing out through client organizations. In the highly intense competition of the high tech world where I work, success/victory and failure/loss are frequent occurances in the office. How the losing party handles the loss and manages their potential shame goes a long way to protecting them against further negative characterizations from others in the office. Very useful concepts in the article for anyone from any walk in life.

Dear Dr. Jane, Thank you for your account regarding shame. This passage enabled me to identify and understand the feeling tonality
and the sense of separation from the ONE created
by the feelings of shame. As a spiritual prac-
titioner, understanding the concept of shame has
enabled me to realize its purpose to serve as a
pivotal point to the pathway to freedom.
Paul J. Harburger ALSP

What a great teaching article! For those whose learning is best served in the way you teach, this is so clear! I will add it to my resources for clients who can benefit. Thank you.

Excellent article! I especially found the "Ways we may experience shame" section helpful. Shyness, discouragement, embarraassment, self-consciousness & inferiority are ALL variations of shame. Thank you for your insight and great teaching on this topic. Shame is the unknown root of problems for which people seek professional help such as depression counseling or couples therapy. There definitely needs to be more accurate and helpful information on shame available as is provided here!

My shame runs so deep it is the core of myself. I grew up in a psychotic, rage filled enviroment. My mother was schitz, my brother who was the primary caretaker was the rage. I have lived like the "invisiable man" my entire life. I've never had a friend only people I've considered "non hostiles".Maybe 5 in 48 years. I only feel somewhat safe in psychotherapry office. That is pretty much my only "social experience". I am in a living Hell. I know that I know I'm not "right" but nothing seems to help. I have no family, and I am scared to death of people. It's getting worse my health is on the decline so I'm retreating into myself. Any suggestions?

Where does shame due to societal prejudice fit in your exploration of shame?