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Beneath the tinsel and the colored lights, the holidays too often become a season of obligations.
There’s the stress of rushing to get things tone, holiday activities reduced to a list of chores instead of joy in the present moments. If you’re feeling this way, it may be time to simplify. Less is more: do you really need to do all those things?
There’s the stress of inauthenticity, guilt and obligation. As a child, I learned to smile and thank my aunt for a pink sweater—too large and in a color I hated, then kept it hidden in my drawer for years. Do you still keep gifts like these out of guilt, unwilling to donate them to someone who might really want them?
There’s the stress of longing for the ghosts of Christmas past or a fantasy of the way things “should” be. Are you flooded by nostalgia, feeling a sense of loss this time of year?
All of these reactions bring the gift no one wants, the chronic stress that takes us out of the present moment, leaving us exhausted, irritable, and undermining our immune systems..
If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, try giving yourself the gift of mindful self-compassion.
- Take a few moments to step back from the rush. Take a deep breath and ask yourself, “What am I feeling now?” Tune in to your feelings and any tension in your body.
- Realize that you’re not alone, there’s nothing wrong with you, that lots of people feel this way.
- Then take another deep breath, sending kindness and compassion to yourself. Ask “What do I need right now?” It might be a cup of tea, a few moments by yourself, a short walk, or whatever nourishes you.
Then go back to your day with a sense of presence, which might just be the greatest present you can give yourself and others.
Reference
Neff, K. (2011). Self-compassion: Stop beating yourself up and leave insecurity behind. New York, NY: William Morrow. The self-compassion practice above adapted from Neff’s research. For more information about self-compassion, see http://www.self-compassion.org/
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Diane Dreher is a best-selling author, personal coach, and professor at Santa Clara University. Her latest book is Your Personal Renaissance: 12 Steps to Finding Your Life’s True Calling.
Follow Diane on Twitter: Diane Dreher (@dianedreher) on Twitter
