"This is the year -- the year that through hard work, determination and sheer willpower, I will mold my body into the shape I've always wanted and change my life forever."
For too many years -- more than I care to admit -- this was my New Year's Day mantra. Is it yours?
As someone with a fair amount of self-discipline and a firm belief in the power of hard work, I came into adulthood thinking that if I could just get -- and keep -- control of my own behavior, I could shape my body, my life and dare I say my relationships into the exact form that I was sure would bring me happiness. In 2007, I even embarked on a very public weight-loss program through a women's fitness magazine called Shape, during which I sweated and counted and muscled my way into a 26-pound weight loss and -- frankly -- the best physical shape I'd been in since my early 20s.
It was one of the most valuable and enlightening things I've ever done for exactly one reason: I learned that happiness and self-acceptance aren't some guaranteed reward for "virtuous" behavior.
I won't lie...taking off the weight did lead to increased happiness. But it wasn't because of a final number on a scale. Regular exercise meant I was feeling better, sleeping better and had a ton more energy. Choosing healthier foods also boosted my energy and made my skin, hair and nails look great. Improved muscle tone made my clothes fit better and just knowing that my efforts were making a difference in how I looked and felt gave me the courage to dress in a way that wasn't trying to hide what I thought was "wrong" with my body anymore. In short, I stopped hiding. And the world reacted to me differently.
The enlightening part of the experience was the discovery that real happiness was in the process, not the end goal. Simple choices every day led to feeling and looking better. Less-healthy choices were no longer considered "slip ups" or "failures" that had to be atoned for -- they were simply choices and I was free to make a different choice at the next opportunity. I learned to treat my body -- and myself -- with kindness, respect and compassion. And, in doing so, learned to better treat others with kindness, respect and compassion.
I no longer make resolutions for the New Year because the very word implies failure if you don't deliver what you've "promised." Instead, I think about what I want to accomplish in the coming year, but even more important than what I want to accomplish is how I want to "be." How do I want to feel every day? What do I want to reflect to others?
It's a different mindset, for sure. But it's one that respects the process of re-creating myself, every day, based on the choices I make, the lessons I continue to learn and what I choose to share with the world. In a word, it's peace.
Happy New Year.
