Do you know what your body looks like?
It's a strange question, I know, but one that bears asking. Too many women walk around hating and berating the bodies they see, without ever knowing the beauty that others see. In general, we women are tough on ourselves, focusing in on "flaws" that nobody else can see.
But there are moments when we catch a glimpse of the disconnect. If you've ever looked at an old photograph of yourself -- taken during a time when you didn't feel good about your body -- and thought, "Gee, I really didn't look bad back then," you know what I mean.
I've been thinking about this since reading this piece about "phantom fat" on msnbc.com. It talks about the difficulty that people who've lost weight sometimes have with accepting their new bodies. I've experienced this myself; sometimes, I head straight for the racks in my old size, forgetting that I no longer wear it.
According to the msnbc piece, learning to see your body in a new way requires "retraining" your brain. I think that's where speaking kindly about your body comes in. It's not always easy, but you can teach yourself to see what's positive. It's all about a conscious effort to shift your focus.
For moms, that conscious effort to see the positive -- that shift in focus -- has far-reaching effects on our daughters, too. We're modeling positive body talk for them when they hear us pay ourselves a compliment. But, more importantly, it's what they don't hear that will have the biggest effect on them. By nixing the negative and forgetting to point out our "flaws," we can help break the legacy of body loathing.
Check out "Her Mother's Thighs: Helping Our Daughters to Love Their Bodies -- Even When We Don't Love Our Own," the Australian version of my new body image book for mothers and daughters, at Finch Publishing.
