You'd Be So Pretty If...

How to teach your daughter to love her body--even when you don't love your own.
Dara Chadwick is the author of You'd Be So Pretty If...:Teaching Our Daughters to Love Their Bodies--Even When We Don't Love Our Own. See full bio

When Is a 'Crutch' Too Much?

What makes you feel better about the way you look?

If you'd ever seen me at the bus stop in the morning, you'd know that I have no problem leaving my house without make-up. You'll also find me sans make-up when I'm working out, walking the dog in the morning, working in my garden or getting the newspaper. But I can't remember the last time I went totally bare-faced to the grocery store or to pick up my kids at school or to a client meeting. I don't wear a lot of make-up anyway, but there's something comforting about a little mascara and a nice shade of lipstick.

At just-about-13, my daughter has recently started wearing a bit of make-up to school and to other places. We've had several "less is more" conversations and she actually does quite a nice job with putting it on. But she looks just as lovely without it; she certainly doesn't need it. That's why I was surprised at her reaction recently when she attended a girls' group camping trip and was told by the organizer that girls should leave their make-up at home.

Boy, was she mad.

After talking with her, it turns out that she's not mad that she can't wear her make-up - she's mad that someone else is imposing their views about girls and make-up on her (That's my girl!). But the whole experience has me thinking about the "crutches" we women use to boost the way we feel about ourselves. Whether it's the make-up we dutifully apply each morning before facing the world, the hair we have colored every six weeks or the Spanx shapewear we won't leave the house without wearing, just about every woman I know has something she does that makes her feel better about herself. You'd be hard-pressed to get me to give up my contact lenses.

But back to the original question: When is a "crutch" too much?

I think the moment you feel you can't possibly leave the house without it or that it affects what you will and won't do (for example, you love to swim but won't, solely because you'd ruin your make-up) is when it becomes too much. I'm trying to teach my daughter that a healthy balance means it's perfectly OK to dress up and put on some lipstick sometimes - and that it's perfectly OK not to sometimes.

What makes you feel better about the way you look...and could you go without it?

 



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