You'd Be So Pretty If...

How to teach your daughter to love her body—even when you don't love your own.

by Dara Chadwick

Knock, knock...It's your past

By Dara Chadwick on February 13, 2009 in You'd Be So Pretty If...

Ever feel like you're in a time warp? That's exactly how I'm feeling right now. Last week, I received a copy of my soon-to-be-published book on how moms can raise daughters who feel good about their bodies. In it, I explore a bit of my own body image history, some of which involves my middle-school years. Read More

Knock, knock...It's your past

Submitted by JemmaBlythe on February 13, 2009 - 8:22am.

Hi Dara

Poignant and perfectly phrased. Great insights to share with my mom friends and their teen daughters.

Blessings, JemmaBlythe

reply
quote

That being said...

Submitted by Anonymous on February 13, 2009 - 11:51am.

I think it's important to make sure that you're also extremely receptive to the discomfort of your growing girls. I remember my mom was relaxed about my body discomfort- so relaxed that whenever I talked to her about it I felt that all she did was trivialize my concerns. In the end I ended up feeling misunderstood and minimized. I stopped going to my mom for help and started talking to friends who were exactly as uncomfortable as me and internalizing all of my self-loathing. A few years later, not surprisingly: eating disorder.

I definitely am NOT saying that you were suggesting anything like this with your article- I think the article is on point. I just want to make other reading mothers aware that there is a difference between relaxed and not acknowledging the distress of your kids by saying things like, "We'll, you're a growing girl." Or, "Bodies change-it happens to everyone." "Relaxed" phrases like these don't address the real issue. They address the body shape when the real issue (as this article suggests) is the distress of your daughter. Hear her, even if it's what she's NOT saying-- and respond to that.

reply
quote

That being said...

Submitted by Dara Chadwick on February 13, 2009 - 12:08pm.

Excellent point, anonymous, and one that I should have included. I was thinking more about the moms who become concerned when their girls begin gaining at puberty and start making comments about weight and eating, etc. The reality is that a certain amount of healthy weight gain at puberty is supposed to happen and it's part of our job to help our girls understand that. I completely agree that girls' concerns about their bodies should never be trivialized. Rather than brushing them off or relying on worn-out phrases, I'd encourage moms to probe deeper if their girls want to talk. Is it about fitting in with other girls or wearing a certain clothing style? Is it about not looking like a certain celebrity or role model? With a little investigating (as long as she's willing to talk, of course), moms can get to the heart of what their daughters are feeling...and, sometimes, just being heard is what makes all the difference. Thanks for bringing this up and sharing your perspective!

reply
quote

THANK YOU!

Submitted by Ane on April 18, 2009 - 9:27am.

I just wrote about this in my blog ("You’ve had enough now!"). This is SO important! A lot of problems start with how mothers handle their daughter’s puberty. My mother obviously thought I was growing too fast, maybe it made her feel old, I don't know, she encouraged me to diet though I obviously didn't need to (but I didn't know that then).