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Marriage is a funny thing.
Sometimes, it's "ha ha" funny, and well, let's be honest here - sometimes it's more "WTH?" funny.
If nothing else, it's complicated. Negotiating the demands of children, careers, finances and household matters is difficult enough. And then you toss in the special circumstances of cultivating a nurturing, mutually beneficial relationship in the new millennium - the technology, the 24/7 connectivity, and the increased expectations of family, children and career - and it almost becomes understandable why so many marriages dissolve before our eyes.
Look familiar?
The pressure is overwhelming, and 41-50% of first marriages (AboutDivorce.org) crumble for one reason or another. Add to that the fact that 20% of divorces now cite extramarital affairs via Facebook (Loyola University, 2011) as a catalyst to the demise of the relationship, and its pretty clear we have a problem here.
The technology that so many of us love - social media sites like Facebook and Twitter, text messaging and email - designed to improve efficiency and connect society into one enormous global neighborhood - appears to be having the opposite effect. I defy you to go 24 hours without Googling something or checking Facebook to see what your 6th grade boyfriend had for breakfast - in lieu of talking to your spouse, hugging your kid or calling your BFF. Try it - bet you won't make it.
And as sure as I sit here now typing away at this post, today you will miss valuable opportunities for a real connection with someone you love. Hey...we promised to let no MAN put asunder, we said absolutely nothing about Twitter, right?
By now, few would argue that social networking is having a positive improvement on the quality of our daily personal interactions. In fact, much research supports the theory that technology is ripping us apart rather than bringing us closer together.
You know you've done it. You have texted your office mate three cubes over rather than get off your duff and walk over. You and your spouse have spent many an evening on opposite ends of the couch, laptops open, TV on...and not saying a word. Your kids love Facebook more than face time, and your monthly technology bill is more than your car payment.
This is why now more than ever is the time for us to start honing our communication skills - we have to make each moment count. It's not enough to be sitting in the same room, moving in the same circles, going through the motions. Without healthy, effective communicating between partners, relationships will falter.
Cultivating these connections does require effort. There are simple changes we can make - such as making and maintaining eye contact during discussion, inserting soft, loving touches from time to time and mirroring the nonverbal behavior of our partners - that will go a long way toward enhancing the intimacy of everyday moments.
Just because you are discussing whose turn it is to take out the trash doesn't mean you can't make the moment memorable.
In fact, its been discovered that sharing mundane details of your day, those innocuous details of positive or negative events, may in fact strengthen the bond between partners. By involving one another in these daily details, long-term couples reported increased feelings of happiness at days end, according to research conducted at The University of Utah.
Communication doesn't end at 140 characters. It's not enough to conduct your marital interactions through text or status updates - or sadly, not at all.
Certainly, these technological advances can be incorporated into our personal lives, to serve as an enhancement to communication. Use the Internet and all its caveats to your advantage!
Ladies, if you have the time to email your husband to remind him to pick up milk and bread on the way home - you have time to add a P.S. about what romance you have in store for him later that night.
And guys, sending your wife flowers (or diamonds...or both! Hey...my husband could be reading this...can you blame a girl for trying?) couldn't be easier or faster these days.
However, we have to make a conscious effort not to allow these advances to become a replacement for true social interaction - I for one plan to take stock of my family's technology consumption and make changes were necessary. I challendge you to take the upcoming weekend and do the same.
What alterations can you make to see significant improvements to your daily communication structure? Can you put down the computer long enough to focus on your relationship, your family and yourself?
In fact, I think that's my cue to sign off for now. Here's to hoping you will do the same - take the weekend and connect with something that doesn't require an electic cord. Your marriage with thank you!
