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Eating Disorders
The foodie family
Do they contribute to a child's eating disorder?
Posted January 31, 2011
For my daughter, Lisa, our being a family in which food is central - because of my job as a food writer and her dad's passion - contributed to her struggles with eating disorders. What about a child whose family owns restaurants and bakeries?
A young woman in that category, I'll call her Jen, recently contacted me about our book, Hungry: A Mother and Daughter Fight Anorexia. Now a nursing student, Jen wrote, "I have been surprised by the lack of knowledge, understanding and comfort many health professionals seem to have when it comes to eating disorders. I found it encouraging that Hungry emphasizes that each patient and family must find treatment that works for them, and that finding the right treatment can be a daunting task, especially when ill."
I asked Jen to write about her own struggle in a foodie family, and she did, beautifully:
"I was very concerned with my body size early on and was actively dieting by fifth grade. By middle school I was overweight, which was extremely traumatizing. Additionally, from 8 years old to 18 I competed in equestrian vaulting, a sport that tends to support body image obsession in athletes. At 14 I began taking diet pills and starving myself before competitions. My favorite diet was to eat 500 calories a day and remain at the gym until the bike and/or treadmill assured me that I had burned at least those 500 calories. Throughout high school my weight fluctuated quite a bit as I alternated between eating, starving, taking diet pills and over-exercising. Junior and senior years school I binged and purged occasionally.
"At 18 I stopped vaulting, which had been a big part of my life. I moved out of my parents' house and started college, but I didn't feel like I had an identity other than being an athlete and I was not interested in being at college. My eating disorder took off and I became depressed. It felt so strange to read about Lisa bingeing and purging into garbage bags in her dorm room and then carrying the bags out to the trashcan. I did the same thing. For the first time, I told someone (my ex-coach) about my eating disorder and sought treatment through the health center and a psychotherapist. I improved for a bit and then had a major setback when I changed colleges two years later. I am 24 now and I still see a therapist and I still have setbacks.
"I have never been hospitalized, but I have encouraged to seek intensive outpatient treatment. The support of therapists has certainly been helpful to me, as well as finding and pursuing activities that I find engaging -- like studying nursing. The last year has been challenging because I am living at home again with my parents to save money.
"Food has always been central to my family. Much of the typical Italian stereotype regarding food applies my family. We like to cook, bake, fish, drink wine, and eat. My father and his side of the family owned three restaurants and a bakery while I grew up. I ate and spent a lot of time in the restaurants. When my brothers and I were infants we napped in the back of the restaurant in a converted desk drawer. I liked to bring friends to the restaurants and I loved to eat eggs benedict.
"I do think coming from a foodie family played a role in my developing an eating disorder -- as just one of many contributing factors. Food was often available in excess, but I wouldn't say that directly led to my eating disorder. I ate large meals at my family's restaurant and helped myself to cannolis, apple turnovers, cream puffs and cookies at the bakery. It was fun to eat good food. And my family has always shown an appreciation for food. I grew up hearing a lot of "mangia, mangia, mangia" (eat, eat, eat).
"My foodie family contributed to my developing an eating disorder by intensifying the conflict between messages to both enjoy food and be thin. My family was telling me to eat; the media and culture were telling me to be disciplined and thin. At home, food was entertainment, company, love, and family, while everywhere else I got messages to be cautious around food and definitely avoid carb-laden Italian favorites like pasta and bread. At times it felt like I would need to reject my family to be accepted in our body- obsessed culture.
"The loss of my dad's parents was very difficult. Eating had been a way for my family to stay close. If I refused to eat a something like pannetone made from my grandfather's recipe my dad would say, "This is your nonnu's bread." My father certainly didn't mean to cause me so much anxiety with his comment, but I would feel so guilty. Not only was I letting down my father by not eating the bread, I was also offending my grandfather who had passed away. I missed him terribly.
"The importance of food to my family has also made it difficult for me to include my parents in my treatment. I still worry that my struggles with food come off as a personal blow to them and the rest of my family.
"Sometimes I still wish that we could have a holiday dinner that didn't include ravioli and gnocchi, but I have come to realize I'm not going to change my family. My father is retired now and cooking is his past-time. He has an outdoor kitchen complete with a pizza oven. Dinner for 30 to 70 people is a weekly event at my house.
"Even after six years of therapy I feel torn. My father has been described as having "a genuine need to feed people." The family gets a lot of enjoyment out of feeding and eating. At times it can be hell for me, but on occasion the irony saves me! There will be loads of people at my parents' house preparing to eat, and I will start to panic. I don't want to binge and purge but there is so much food and I want to try it all. I will literally count the desserts... three pies, a German chocolate cake, a cheesecake, a peanut butter chocolate cake, and homemade cookies. Then I think about what a nightmare the situation is for a recovering bulimic and I laugh. I laugh and the panic leaves. Who else has to deal with being around this much food? And to think sometimes people are envious because my father is such a great cook and we have a pizza oven in our yard!"
I am so grateful to Jen for writing. I am sorry she feels she has let her family down, which has helped me understand Lisa better. I would love to hear from other people in foodie families who have struggled with eating disorders.
