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Anorexia Nervosa
Do mothers really have that much power?
Late anorexic model's mother reportedly killed herself
Posted January 21, 2011
I don't have to read Amy Chua's hot hot hot Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, so I'm not going to, but what strikes me about the spectacular controversy is the assumption by all combatants that Mom really does have the power to produce perfect children. Only the technique is in question.
Sadly, the reverse is still commonly believed as well. If something goes wrong with a child, blame Mom. All the rest -- genetics, biology, culture, experience, Dad - is background.
Mental illness? Most likely something Mom did or didn't do. Eating disorders? For sure. Blame the Mother.
Since writing a book with my daughter about her struggles with eating disorders, I have heard from critics that my work as a food writer was obviously the problem. I was too into my work. As it happens, in our family Dad is way more obsessed about food. Or it was my body image issues. Who doesn't have body image issues?
At whatever size we are, mothers "model" weight concerns and body dissatisfaction for their daughters. If we're overweight or weight-obsessed, we set a bad example. If we're not, we put up an impossible ideal. Then there is there the psychoanalytic theory that mothers and daughters compete and express emotions "around food and eating rather than sexuality," as Joan Jacobs Brumberg writes in Fasting Girls: The History of Anorexia Nervosa. Obsessive dieting is an unconscious desire to reunite with Mom. The anorexic's mother is typically characterized as "frustrated, depressed, perfectionist, passive and dependent." Charming.
The latest sad result of Blame the Mother is the reported suicide of Marie Caro, mother of the French model Isabelle Caro, who died of anorexia in November.
The Sydney Morning Herald reported Jan. 21:
Marie Caro killed herself earlier this month because she felt "enormous guilt" for admitting her daughter Isabelle into a French hospital where she later died, her husband Christian told Swiss newspaper 20 Minutes, the Daily Mail reported.
Isabelle Caro, 28, was admitted to Bichat Hospital in Paris for severe dehydration, but passed away on November 17.
Her stepfather, Christian, launched a legal complaint against the hospital, claiming she died "from the successive consequences of negligence by the medical staff", the Mail reported.
"[Marie] felt guilty for having put my daughter in the Bichat Hospital. My daughter did not want to go to that hospital," Mr Caro told 20 Minutes.
http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/people/anorexic-models-mother-commits-s…
In a previous post, I wrote about Isabelle Caro's fame as an anorexic poster child. She was featured, nude, in purportedly anti-anorexia ad campaign for an Italian fashion house. The photographs made Caro and the photographer, Oliviero Toscani, famous.
All that contributed to her mother's suicide, her stepfather reportedly said. Marie was distraught about media coverage of Isabelle's death, Christian Caro reportedly said.
"My wife... She had that weight on her head, a huge guilt. And this was in addition to the press, above all an interview with Toscani that she succeeded in viewing, although I tried to keep it from her. And she couldn't tolerate it. She already couldn't bear the death of her daughter."
Toscani did not appear repentant. He even had harsh comments about Isabelle Caro, which seemed particularly cruel. But anyone who has tried to help an anorexic friend or family member would know the maddening, destructive, impenetrable self-absorption that Toscani referred to:
"I don't have happy memories of Isabelle. She was very selfish and full of herself, right up to her death. She could never grasp that she was not a model. She was a sick young woman. She thought that she was a successful actress... but her only talent was to be anorexic."
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/obituaries/isabelle-caro-anorexia-suf…
Isabelle Caro said her anorexia began when she was about 13. She believed that her disease was in part connected to her mother's reluctance to watch her daughter grow up.
In an interview with CBS News, she said her mother "spent her time measuring my height. She wouldn't let me go outside because she'd heard that fresh air makes children grow, and that's why I was kept at home. It was completely traumatic."
Maybe so. But now it doesn't matter.
