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Sex Survey Answers From a Straight Male

"I hit rock bottom and am remembering who I was so I can be that person again."

After reading more than 10,000 sex surveys that have been completed on the website for my book, I can guess with surprising accuracy by the length of the answers if the survey was done by a woman or a gay man--a straight male under the age of 50. That's because the women and gay men tend to answer in full sentences and often in entire paragraphs, whereas the straight guys under 50 tend to answer with few words as possible. 

So I can't tell you how exited we were last week when a 33-year-old man submitted a survey with answers that were highly articulate and were in more than one sentence.

My sex survey is made up of almost 30 open-ended questions ranging from how often you masturbate to how long you give a woman oral sex and how you keep your neck from cramping when you do. Other questions inlcude your best and worst sexual experiences, the influence of your dad in your life, and porn.

I've found that the responses read better if we put them into a narrative form, which is impossible to do for a lot of men's surveys where the answers are so brief. Fortunately, that was not the case with this former Marine.

Male, age 33.

Sexual Orientation: Totally straight

I left home and became a Marine. I served my country and still wish I was. I was in a Special Incident Response Team that put me at ground zero on 9/11 for a week. Did a lot of traveling up and down the east coast. I have two kids and an ex-wife. I just got done hitting rock bottom and am now remembering who I was so I can be that person again. My goal is to better myself every day. I am valuable, confident and curious.

I love kissing. I enjoy finding a corner when we are out somewhere and making out.

I usually masturbate 2 to 3 times per week when I’m in a relationship and 3 to 4 times a week when I’m not in a relationship

I’ve had approximately 20 sexual partners. 7 of them were casual sex relationships or one night stands. 

From my more recent relationships, our main line of communication has been texting many times throughout the day. 

I am not currently in a relationship. Since my divorce I’ve had two ”friends with benefits” relationships. I welcomed the relationships and I was able to be very open and free with the last woman. Both instances were hot and some of the best sex I have had. The first ended because I misread the cues and I tried to take it too far emotionally. This second was different, but I still got hung up on my emotions. I trying to learn how adapt and enjoy the freedom of “this is not going to last and it is physical only”.

I love to use my mouth on a woman and I love to give her oral sex. It’s one of my favorite things to do. I typically will be there long enough to give her multiple orgasms. Sometimes my neck gets sore from giving oral sex. The best position I have found for me is when the woman sits on my face. Or have her sit in a chair. Slide your legs under the chair and you are right there. Advantage for her is that now she is in a really good position to watch and some woman love to watch. The key to doing oral sex right is to make her as comfortable as possible and be able to sense her reaction to what you are doing. Also, the more comfortable you are the more relaxed and the longer you will spend pleasing her.

The least amount of time I give a woman oral sex is about 30 to 45 min. But I have had my mouth been between a woman's legs for a couple of hours before. From my experience, women don't start to relax until about 10 to 15 min into it. Then they go to a stage of comfort. Once they are comfortable – let the magic begin. It also depends on the amount of build-up and foreplay and the existing relationship you have. The more foreplay and better the relationship, the quicker the comfort level is reached.

One of the best sexual experiences I have had was the first time I was comfortable with pulling a girl's hair during sex. This woman put me at ease and challenged me all in one moment. She said to be as rough as you want, but just be a man. The way she said it and her look melted the paint off the walls for me. I didn't think about a thing except her hair wrapped around my hand like a lasso. She went crazy and loved it

One of my worst experiences was when I was in my late teens and a girlfriend went down on me. She was ambitious and wanted to please so she tried to put all of me into her throat. She gagged and her natural reaction was to bite down. It was horrific. Do to all of the commotion and my yelling, it wasn’t long before her Dad knocked on the door to investigate. Needless to say, the most uncomfortable dinner ever.

My dad was very important in my life. He didn't do all the traditional dad stuff like show up to every one of my games or take me out for ice cream. He was a department director at a big company and it demanded a lot of attention. From him I learned how to manage people and business very well and I learned to have a strong work ethic. I want to have the same fundamentals as him and appreciate everything he has taught me. But I think it would be unfair to him and myself to be just like him. He made mistakes he does not want me to make. 

I grew up with older sisters. One of the first big influences I had was when I turned 14 and my sister became involved with a man that treated me like a brother. He had a huge Influence in my life.

I do watch porn. I prefer man and woman porn. Sometimes multiple women and one guy, and girl on girl. In my younger less experienced times I related what happened in porn to what women like and the positions that were best to perform. I soon learned that they were male generated fantasies and there is a lot more involved. It’s a much more satisfying experience when you talk to each other about what works and what doesn’t.

One of the worst things about porn is it gives guys a complex about their penis size. I have an adequate size and I try not to compare my dick to porn dicks. Porn is an industry that thrives on exaggeration. I am not tiny and I am not giant. My dick size has been complimented by many woman.

Paul Joannides, Psy.D., is a research psychoanalyst, author of Guide To Getting It On, and a speaker on college campuses. more...

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