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Responses from an Unusual Sex Survey Part 2

Very candid sex survey responses from five women.

illustration of a couple undressing

Since 2000, I've collected nearly 10,000 sex survey results from the website for my book. Since all of the questions ask for open-ended responses, I have collected a great deal of information.

Here are the sex survey results of five women who completed the sex survey during the last three days. These were submitted consecutively--so I didn't hand pick them.

 

 

How old are you?

21
28
19
27
35

Please describe yourself as being totally straight, mostly straight, it depends on the day and time, mostly gay, or totally gay.

Mostly straight -- age 21

Totally straight. -- age 28

Mostly straight. -- age 19

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Totally or mostly straight, not 100% sure on that. The most I've ever done with a girl is kissing, for a guy's benefit, but I like the way the female body looks. It turns me on, if I'm completely honest. I don't know if I could ever act on those particular urges, though. A threesome with a friend and my husband is fun to fantasize about, too. (Wow I hope you don't think I'm super kinky or something!) So, yeah, I don't know if that makes me bisexual or not. Sorry for the long answer that's basically an "I don't know!" -- age 27

Mostly straight. I've had sex with women a couple of times, but I'm not sexually attracted to women. -- age 35.

What country are you living in?

U.S. of A. -- age 21
US -- age 28
United Kingdom -- age 19
USA --age 27
Poland -- age 35.

How much sex have you been having the last six months compared to your peers--less, more, about the same?

Who knows how much sex my peers are having? about the same? maybe more, just because i have no standards. -- age 21

Much less. In the last 6 months, I've only had sex twice and both times were 4 months ago. My marriage is having quite the dry spell :-(-- age 28

More. -- age 19

I wouldn't know, we don't talk about it much. When we do, we talk more about the how of it then the how often of it, or the specifics. I would guess less b/c we are the only ones with young children. -- age 27

Less -- age 35.


If you are currently in a relationship, approximately how long have you been together?

A week or six months, depending which relationship you're talking about -- age 21

5 years, married for 3.-- age 28

No relationship. -- age 19

We met in high school in 2000, started dating in 2001. So together for 10 years & married for 5. -- age 27

N/A -- age 35.

If you have a male partner, is his penis circumcised (cut) or uncircumcised (uncut)?

Circumcised -- age 21

Circumcised.-- age 28

Uncircumcised. -- age 19

circumcised -- age 27

N/A -- age 35.


If you have had intercourse, how satisfying is it usually for you?

Moderately satisfying. i rarely orgasm just through intercourse. -- age 21

It is usually very satisfying. I orgasm very easily but also enjoy all the other aspects of intercourse - the intimacy, giving my partner pleasure, tastes, smells, etc.-- age 28

It's usually good, but I don't orgasm and can experience the female version of 'blue balls' afterwards. -- age 19

Lately not as much as I'd like, honestly. I still find it very enjoyable, I just wish it could last longer and we could take our time. We have very little time to ourselves so we usually have to hurry. -- age 27

Very much so, but I rarely orgasm from intercourse alone. -- age 35.


If you've had different partners, has intercourse felt better with certain ones? If so, please offer your theory about why.

Yes, for some reason my body turned on to overdrive and i was very lubricated every time for him. also he had a wider penis, rather than longer. -- age 21

The most satisfying sex I've ever had was with a man who was average in length but above average in girth. We were also deeply connected so the pleasure was as much emotional as physical. I find the best sex is an act of worship - of pleasure, of your partner, of yourself. And without emotional intimacy it's not nearly as satisfying. -- age 28

The best sex I ever had was non-penetrative - it was good because he completely concentrated on giving me head until I came. Other good sex happened because I was emotionally connected with the man I was sleeping with at the time. Another example of good sex involved little to no emotional connection but very, very good technique and, ahem, a large penis. -- age 19

It's felt the best with my husband. He was my first and I his, and we know each other so well that we work together on all the different levels of sex. We fit. We trust each other completely, and I think that's really important. That said, I was also taken advantage of at 17 by an older man and actually cheated on my husband with two different men, before we were married (I know, I'm pretty much a whore, sorry to say). I have issues, to say the least. But I've worked through a lot of them with my husband's help. When I was cheating, it was not enjoyable, because I felt so guilty the whole time and couldn't stop thinking of my husband, who I love so much, even when I was cheating on him (I know, makes sense, right?). I actually had an orgasm when the husband of one of my mom's best friends at the time took advantage of me while his kids were asleep in the next room. My head was spinning, I was scared and barely moved at all the whole time, but I came. -- age 27

Yes. I think it's been mostly about me and my discovering over time what I like in sex and what feels good than about the partners. I can guide them better now and I don't expect them to just know what to do. Also, sex with the partners I was in a long-term relationship with felt better, as there was the emotional connection. -- age 35.

Can you recall when you first "discovered your clitoris" as having potential for pleasure? If so, please describe the process and what your thoughts were.

14 years old, learned what/where it was in freshman health class. i went home, sat down in front of my mirror, and figured i could finally explore some sort of release for the tension/yearnings i'd been feeling in that area for years. -- age 21

I don't recall a specific moment or period when I discovered my clitoris. A more enlightening time for me was finding my own g-spot. Suddenly all the mystery of reaching orgasm was removed.-- age 28

I was about 5. I had put a drinks bottle between my legs to hold it while I picked up my cat and found I liked the pressure. Later, sitting cross-legged with the heel of my foot pressuring on my clitoris. -- age 19

Not the exact age, but pretty young. Not with my fingers, though, just rubbing myself on pillows or the like. And it wasn't for pleasure, initially, it was more of a comforting feeling that kind of helped me fall asleep at night. Later on it was a stress relief, still not sexual per se. It wasn't until a boy went down on me and licked it that I really understood how much pleasure could be had and then it became sexual. -- age 27

I was very young, a toddler, I think. I don't remember exactly. It must have been by accident, I pulled on my panties too tight, or something. That's how I started touching myself. It felt amazing so I kept doing it, which when my mother saw, she told me to stop. I didn't understand why, but she made me feel ashamed, like what I was doing was exceptionally bad and wrong. I kept doing it, only secretly and feeling very guilty. I had no idea that what I was touching was the clitoris, I didn't make the connection between the idea of orgasm and the pleasure I was giving myself until my teenage years! -- age 35.

If your partners have shaved, trimmed or waxed anywhere below the neck, please describe what and where, and if it had any impact on their desirability.

Some have shaved or trimmed their pubic hair, but never religiously, often doing it once as a token gesture and then letting it grow back out. i don't really find a man desireable/undesireable based on how he grooms, but it is fun to be able to suck on his balls, which you can't really do properly if they aren't shaved. -- age 21

I do not find completely shaved to be attractive at all. I much prefer neatly trimmed below the belt. I really don't care about anywhere else as long as he is comfortable.-- age 28

I have never slept with a man who had done so. A completely shaved man would be off-putting. I have slept with women who didn't shave and it was more interesting than alluring/off-putting. It was just a confirmation of "we're all different", which, when you're a young woman, is reassuring. -- age 19

I prefer unshaven genitalia, just slightly trimmed. I think guys should be hairy (just not overly hairy). I love chest hair and find it very sexy. -- age 27

Some were trimmed, I had one partner who shaved. That had no real impact on their desirability, although I do prefer if men do NOT wax or shave. Hairy is sexy to me. -- age 35.

What are the best and worst parts of giving a male partner oral sex?

Best: i like being in control of his orgasm and being able to make him feel good, i like the way a penis feels in my mouth, worst: my mouth gets tired after a while or my gums get sore from the sucking. also i HATE the taste of semen. -- age 21

I love the giving nature oral sex. There is also a certain power to it. The only issues are sometimes the smell and taste of his semen.-- age 28

The best is the power and seeing the effect you can have on a person, all with your mouth. The worst is trying to find a good position - I'm small and all my partners are tall so I can't kneel and lying down is awkward. -- age 19

Best -- giving him pleasure and getting aroused by his excitement worst -- the taste of cum and the feel of it in my belly -- age 27

Best: knowing that I'm giving him pleasure, he sounds he makes and how he twitches his hips, the look on his face... A man in the throes of it is a huge turn on! Also, there's a sense of power in being in control of his pleasure... And being trusted with his jewels! Unless it's very pungent, I find the taste of semen a turn on, too. Worst: my mouth gets tired sometimes. Also, not being able to pull him deeper or I'll gag. I really don't like when that happens (accidentally, so no-one's fault, but still). -- age 35.

(This is the first of four questions about porn.) Do you watch porn when you are alone? If so, what kind do you like, and about how many hours a week do you watch it?

Yes. i like amateur porn or porn with real people, where the girls have real boobs etc. i like watching anal or close ups of penetration. maybe 1 hour a week total? it doesn't take that long :) -- age 21

I prefer to watch porn with a partner.-- age 28

I do. I like porn that involves 2 partners, usually a man and a woman, who have sex in missionary position, from behind and give and receive oral sex. I'm not keen at all on anal. I have watched lesbian porn and will do so very occasionally. Usually, I watch about 2 hours every two-three weeks. -- age 19

Yes, I do and rape/forced sex/nonconsent (male(s) raping female). -- age 27

I do watch it. Quite regularly, at least once a week, can be up to five if I'm feeling horny. Each session would probably be about 30 minutes, on average. I like two different kinds of porn: one that has plot in it (not necessarily dialogue, though) and is artistically shot... It would be erotica, not porn, but I like to see actual genital action there. Erika Lust makes this kind of porn (for example). The other kind reflects my fantasies. There can be quite a lot of the violent element in them. Also, it's always one woman and several men. They can be quite brutal. I wouldn't want to experience anything like that in real life, but the porn really turns me on. I like to see a lot of anal sex in porn. In personal experience, I do like anal sex too, but not like it happens in the movies. -- age 35.

Do you watch porn with a partner? If so, what kind of porn do the two of you watch and approximately how often?

Nope. -- age 21

I prefer male-female softcore porn with a good story line. I want my mind to be turned on. I don't enjoy watching a bunch of penetration.-- age 28

I never have. -- age 19

A few times, basic soft core (one guy to one girl, oral, vaginal, and anal). -- age 27

I don't have a partner right now, but I did watch erotic movies with my previous partner, or soft porn. I coaxed him into it, in hopes of increasing his sex drive (it was significantly lower than mine). We only did it several times, though. -- age 35.

If you watch porn with a partner, has it impacted your sexual satisfaction (increased, decreased, or...). Please explain. (Include impact on past relationships if you'd like).

n/a -- age 21

With my current partner, we've watched porn as a band-aid for other issues in our relationship but it is not terribly effective. With a previous partner, watching porn together was just an extension of the rest of our relationship. I wouldn't say that it changed our sexual satisfaction in either direction, though.-- age 28

N/A -- age 19

Increased the pleasure because we were both pretty horny by the time we actually got to fooling around. It was like foreplay. -- age 27

The soft porn I watched with my partner turned me on very quickly, combined with foreplay. I was more aroused than normally so the sex felt more intense when it happened. -- age 35.

If you watch porn with a partner, does it lead to having sex right away?

n/a -- age 21

No, there's typically a lot of petting before we have sex toward the end of the film or after.-- age 28

n.a. -- age 19

It did, yes. -- age 27

On the times I did, yes. -- age 35.

Which would be worse: being walked in on while masturbating or making love with a partner?

Masturbating. cos there's no partner in crime to laugh about it with later -- age 21

It would depend on the person who walked in. I think either of my parents walking in on either of those activities would be pretty mortifying.-- age 28

Masturbating - there's a level of cover involved when you're with someone else. -- age 19

Masturbating -- age 27

Masturbating. It's such a personal experience... Sex is talked about more, it's more accepted socially than masturbation. It depends on who would walk on me, but yes, masturbating. -- age 35.

Do you shave, wax or exfoliate between your legs? If so, to what extent and what do you think about the results?

Shave. all of it. i love it! i like how soft and sensitive my labia are and i feel like it's easier for my partners to perform oral sex without getting hair in their mouths. winning! the only thing that makes me sad is that i have red pubic hair (carpet matches the drapes) and now it's gone. no more proof. -- age 21

I shave the bikini line and trim everything inside it. I have shaved completely before and found regrowth to be way too uncomfortable the the look was difficult to maintain.-- age 28

I shave my bikini line, my vaginal 'lips' and anal area. I like these areas to be 'clear' as it makes me feel more clean and I also, personally feel sexual sensation (like fingering, oral) better when shaved. -- age 19

I mix it up for my husband. I'm always neat and trimmed (by shaving), but to what degree changes. Sometimes a little patch just above the opening, other times completely bald, still others natural just trimmed (all by shaving). -- age 27

I used not to. Then it became expected and I started waxing and I keep doing so, because I like the sensations better! Not only for my clitoris, but I like touching the soft skin of my bare folds... I don't do total waxing, though, I leave a triangle of hair on my pubic mound. I don't like the completely bare look. It looks childish. -- age 35.

If you have hooked up with someone for only a night, what was the sex like?

n/a -- age 21

I've had several one night stands and the sex ranged from terrible to unremarkable.-- age 28

The only time I've ever slept with someone only once was when I lost my virginity. It was very painful. -- age 19

Terrible -- age 27

I did that several times. Sometimes the sex was great and satisfying, sometimes I wondered why I bothered... It depends on how long I've known the person, how attracted to them I've been and how much we've had to drink. :) -- age 35.


If your partner(s) use condoms, do the condoms impact the sensation you receive from intercourse? If so, please describe in what ways.

Doesn't really affect the sensation, but condoms tend to dry out my vagina and then i get yeast infections more frequently. unpleasant. -- age 21

Most definitely. I feel like I've tried just about every type there is and they all limit sensation to one extent or another.-- age 28

The best sex I've had (penetrative) was without condoms (with 2 separate partners). It felt much more intense and, in a way, honest. Much nicer. -- age 19

We used to use condoms before we were married and then before we wanted kids. I lose a lot of pleasure when we use them (and so does he). It just feels weird and almost platonic to a degree. I want to feel my husband and for him to feel me. Sometimes condoms can actually cause pain if I'm not wet enough. -- age 27

Physically, they don't. Mentally, I don't like them very much. But they are a necessity. -- age 35.

Considering your last couple of partners, how satisfied were you with their ability to last during intercourse (too long, too short, just right). How long feels just right for you?

TOO LONG. sex for like an HOUR or MORE. my vagina gets TIRED. exhausted. sore. my second-to-last partner would last about thirty minutes? twenty? that seems perfect. -- age 21

Since I climax so easily, my partners generally last too long. 5-10 minutes is really all I need, but I'm delighted if that's preceded by lots and lots of foreplay.-- age 28

(no answer) -- age 19

When we were teenagers, I came quickly and often, and I felt like my husband (then boyfriend) went on forever. When we were first married (before kids) we had a really nice rhythm and we often reached orgasm at the same time. It was sort of perfect, really. Now, it's much too short. It takes me a lot longer to reach orgasm and we often just don't have the time necessary due to the kids. Also, since we have sex less often, my husband orgasms more quickly, so sometimes I'm left unsatisfied. Though I do feel good that I've satisfied him, and that's fulfilling in a way. -- age 27

One was just right (which was about 10-12 minutes - I think), the other was too short (he was done by under 5 minutes). Anything between 10-15 minutes is just right, provided I'm already very turned on or already had an orgasm. -- age 35.

About what percentage of the time do you have an orgasm during intercourse?

Maybe like 15% if i'm in an actual relationship, 0% if it's just a fling -- age 21

I would guess about 95%-- age 28

I only fully have once. I have almost reached orgasm about 5 times. All in all, I've had sex around 40 times. -- age 19

I'm bad at percentages and guessing in general, but I'd say probably only half or less than half the time right now. -- age 27

20%? That's not much, but I make sure to have an orgasm before intercourse. I actually prefer it that way, I can enjoy the intercourse without having to worry if I can focus enough to orgasm and he doesn't have to worry if he can last long enough. -- age 35.

If you have orgasms during intercourse, do they happen from thrusting alone, or does it require fingers on your clitoris or grinding against his pubic bone?

Grinding against the pubic bone usually. -- age 21

Definitely a combo of thrusting and grinding on his pubic bone.-- age 28

I need clitoral stimulation unless his penis is very big and he can hit the magic spot right at the back of my vagina. -- age 19

Thrusting is usually enough, if we're in a good position and it lasts long enough. I like clitoral stimulation, but only for foreplay and only a little bit, or it begins to feel unpleasant. Although, that said, I usually get a mostly unpleasant "hurts so good" feeling right before I orgasm in my clitoral region. Kind of like the all the fear and sick feeling right as a roller coaster goes down the first, big hill before the waves of excitement start. That sounds pretty stupid, but it's kind of hard to explain, sorry. -- age 27

They require a little extra help. Usually it's grinding against his pubic bone (easiest if I'm on top), sometimes fingers on clitoris. Curiously enough, the only orgasms I had without extra clitoris stimulation happened during anal sex. -- age 35.

Have you ever cheated on a partner? If so, what did you do and how did things turn out?

Kind of yes? i'm not sure how it is going to turn out. -- age 21

Yes. I was in a long distance relationship. I never told him. I ended it with him about a year later and the guilt tore at me for a long time.-- age 28

I have never really had a proper relationship. I did 'cheat' the day after meeting a partner who I was very emotionally invested in. He never found out and the person I 'cheated' with, I went on to have a sexual relationship with which was very satisfying. -- age 19

Well, I covered this one a little before, but yes, unfortunately I did. My husband and I had only been dating a few months when I was taken advantage of, so that was the first time. I told my husband about it because he said I wasn't myself and wouldn't let it drop. He was really hurt and I felt terrible, but we recovered. The next time was about a year later, I went home with my then boss and had a relationship with him for a few months before I found I was pregnant. It was my boss's (I had a miscarriage if you're wondering what happened to the baby.) I felt terrible and didn't think I'd ever do it again. Then, right after we were engaged, I had a one night stand with another boss. He wanted kinky things I hadn't even heard of and it was pretty terrible for both of us. I told my husband right away out of guilt and quit my job. Later in our engagement I gave oral sex to a classmate. My husband found out through emails. He broke the engagement for awhile and I got some pretty serious counseling. Thankfully, my husband still decided to be with me after all that. I haven't cheated since. -- age 27

I didn't. I did have a couple of partners over one period of time who did not know about each other, but we weren't on exclusive terms, so I don't consider it cheating. -- age 35.

How do you feel about the fluids your vagina makes--too little, too much, just right, or... ?

It actually depends on the partner for some reason? with some, too little. with some, too much! with some, just right. i'm not sure what the mitigating factors are here? but? uhhh -- age 21

They're not nearly as plentiful as they were in my early 20s. Since I have intercourse so infrequently, I can't really speak to adequacy right now.-- age 28

During sex, unless I am given enough attention (fingering, oral), the wetness can take it's time to come out over the lips, but I am usually at a good level. -- age 19

I think just right. I don't know how much is supposed to be there, but I don't really worry about it, soI'm guessing that means it's a good amount. -- age 27

Usually just right. Sometimes too much. If I'm very turned on. -- age 35.

If you masturbate, 1.) about how often do you do it, are there any changes in frequency if you have a partner, and are there certain times of the day when you are more likely to masturbate?

If i have a lot of time on my hands, once or twice a day. if i'm busy, maybe once a week. i masturbate way less frequently if i have a partner. maybe once every few weeks, only if i haven't climaxed with them in a while and i'm frustrated. i usually do it in the early afternoon? not sure why. but it's true. -- age 21

I masturbate a handful of times per week on average but often multiple times per day near ovulation.-- age 28

I masturbate maybe twice a week, give or take. I always have a partner, as I'm married, but I do tend to masturbate after we have sex. My husband is an excellent lover, so it's not that, i think it's actually more like coming down from the high, I don't know, I'm weird. It's usually afternoon or later that I masturbate. I don't know why. -- age 27

Almost every day. If I'm in a relationship, the frequency drops significantly (if we have sex to climax as often as I'd like to). On weekends: I usually masturbate early afternoon, on workdays - just before bedtime, or just after I get home from work. -- age 35.

If you masturbate, how often do you use your fingers vs. other things?

Pretty much always my fingers. i have nothing else. sometimes i use a carrot...seriously, that's embarrassing but true. for penetration. -- age 21

I most frequently use my fingers. But I also enjoy a simple bullet.-- age 28

(no answer) -- age 19

Very rarely. I usually just grind myself on a pillow or the bed itself. My fingers don't really reach far enough to give me pleasure. I only ever use a dildo or anything like that with my husband. -- age 27

Usually it's other things. I find it difficult to orgasm if I'm using my fingers. Something about that "can't tickle yourself". :) I use a dildo, a pillow, anything that I can rub myself into... I also like anal plugs, preferably together with the dildo (inside my vagina). -- age 35.

If you use marijuana, does it impact your experience of sex? If so, in what ways?

Sometimes it makes it easier to experience the moment fully and really focus and then it's easier to orgasm. sometimes though it makes me feel so relaxed that i feel like i'm going to lose control of my bowels, which is NO FUN AT ALL. -- age 21

I've never tried it.-- age 28

I have had sex whilst high and I didn't really enjoy it. I just wanted to go to sleep and was too lazy to engage. -- age 19

I only used it twice and never with sex. -- age 27

I don't use marijuana. -- age 35.

Approximately how many serious sexual relationships have you had in your life (with someone who you were exclusive with for at least 3 to 6 months, and who you had an emotional connection to)?

Two -- age 21

5-- age 28

None. -- age 19

2 -- my husband and the first boss, though I certainly didn't love the boss. -- age 27

Three. The fourth is more complicated, because it's a female friend, who I feel very emotionally attached to and who I care about a lot, but in a non-sexual way, but with whom I do have sex sometimes, because she is very attracted to me in that way. -- age 35.

Approximately how many sexual partners have you had where there was not a strong emotional connection (fuck buddies, one-night stands, friends with benefits, etc.)

Two -- age 21

6-- age 28

10. -- age 19

2 -- the second boss and the husband of my mom's friend -- age 27

I think over 15.... 18, actually. -- age 35.

Have you had sex with another woman? If so what was it like for you.

no -- age 21

no-- age 28

Yes. What surprised me was how little it differed from my other sexual experiences emotionally. It made me re-evaluate what I was doing with my life in terms of relationships. -- age 19

no -- age 27

Yes, with three different women. It is not something I'm into, but two of the women were my friends, so I couldn't be repulsed, just kind of... removed out of the whole experience (not so much the first time, because I did it out of curiosity) and the third woman was a part of a triangle with a man, who I was very attracted to, but his girlfriend wanted a triangle so I went along with this. Women are by no means repulsive to me, and I would love to get as much satisfaction from sex with them as I get from sex with men, because on the emotional level, I have a better connection with them, but it simply doesn't seem to happen. -- age 35.

Considering your cousins, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, parents, grandparents, and even foster parents, what is the closest family relation with whom you've had sexual or romantic contact?

no one -- age 21

none-- age 28

When I was little (about 6) and my sister was around 9, we would both masturbate at the same time. -- age 19

no -- age 27

None of those. I haven't has a sexual or romantic contact with a relative. -- age 35.

What kind or brand of birth control do you use? Has this had any impact (positive or negative) in your desire for sex since you started using it? If so, please explain.

I use the pill, aviane. i used to use a different kind (can't remember the name) that seriously killed my sex drive but this one has left my regular sex drive pretty much alone, which is good. -- age 21

I don't use anything right now. I've used Trojan condoms and a natural latex brand whose name escapes me. I did prefer the feel of the natural latex, but I didn't like the small. I've used a couple different brands of pills and hated them all. They eased my PMS symptoms but killed my sex drive which hurt my relationship.-- age 28

I only use condoms now. I used to be on the pill, but the effect it had on me was horrible. -- age 19

Right now I have the Mirena, an IUD that also releases hormones. Right at first my sex drive declined, but overall I think it's higher. I think it's really messing with my emotions, though. Kind of like PMS 24/7. I plan on having it removed soon. Not sure what I'll use then. -- age 27

Since I don't have a steady partner at the moment, I only use condoms. The brand is usually Durex. When I was in a long-term relationship, I was on the pill. Several different brands, but only one (Diane) affected my sex drive (it decreased). -- age 35.

Have you ever touched a partner's prostate? If so, what was it like for you?

You mean like through the taint? yeah. it was like pushing on an orange. nobody ever seems to like it that much. -- age 21

no -- age 28

no -- age 19

My husband really likes this, but I don't care for it, so I only do it on special occasions, like his birthday. I recently bought a small toy that I use and this I don't mind. -- age 27

I didn't and I'm not entirely sure how I feel about trying, but if he really wanted me to, I would! -- age 35.

 

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Illustration by Daerick Gross Sr. from the Guide To Getting It On.

Paul Joannides, Psy.D., is a research psychoanalyst, author of Guide To Getting It On, and a speaker on college campuses. more...

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