I recently read Matt Hutson's excellent post, Why Do Women Have Erotic Rape Fantasies? It got me thinking more about rape fantasies, and why I don't think there's any such thing. That's because when we talk about rape fantasies, we don't define our terms.

If you ask most women who have rape fantasies to describe the man who is "raping" them, you'll find he's not exactly what we picture when we think about the average rapist, unless the guy has been spending six hours a day in the prison weight room or reads Shakespeare to Bubba his cellmate.

Look at the buffed out dude on the book cover that was included to illustrate the Why Do Women Have Erotic Rape Fantasies post. We're talking a serious bodice-ripping hunk. I don't think that's the image that emerges when police or emergency room personnel ask victims of rape to describe the man who just raped them.

The fact is, the guy who is doing the "raping" in a lot of women's fantasies of forced sex is someone who she might want to have sex with anyway. Missing is the terror, violence, confusion, rage and disgust that makes rape RAPE. The woman with the fantasy is in control by virtue of who she has "raping" her or because she's the one scripting the scenerio, while control is the last thing that a woman who is being raped has any of.