Delayed Ejaculation

Delayed ejaculation is when a man can usually get a rock-hard erection and have intercourse for a really long time, but can't ejaculate. What's particularly fascinating is that the majority of men with this problem are able to ejaculate when they masturbate. It's when you put a flesh-and-blood partner between the guy's hand and his penis that he comes slower than a slug on sandpaper.

Delayed ejaculation used to be known as retarded ejaculation until we decided that calling a man a "retarded ejaculator" was a bit harsh. It's also referred to as inhibited ejaculation. Two percent to 6 percent of men have this problem, but very little research has been done on it, and very little credible information is available for consumers.

If you're a man who comes faster than Han Solo in a Millennium Falcon, you might be thinking: What's the big deal here? I'll trade my prematurely ejaculating penis for that problem in a heartbeat. But unless you've been there and done that, it's hard to understand what a burden on a relationship delayed ejaculation can be. It can make sex hard work for both partners.

There can be numerous factors that contribute to how fast or slow a guy will launch his load. This means that what causes delayed ejaculation in one person might not be the same thing that causes it in the next person. We also need to assume that there could be multiple causes rather than just one.

Another problem is that we hold men to a different standard regarding their orgasms than we do women. We say it's completely normal if a woman doesn't have an orgasm during intercourse, hoping she can have one when she's masturbating. We are neither as kind nor as generous with men. If a man can only come from masturbation, but not intercourse, we assume there's something wrong. He often feels horrible about himself, and his partner is sure it's because he doesn't find her sexually appealing, or because she's doing something wrong.

So if you're dealing with this problem, try to remind yourself that there are plenty of ways you can enjoy intercourse and sexual intimacy without needing a male ejaculation as reassurance that you've crossed the lovemaking finish line. What if you agree on a signal the woman can give during intercourse for when she's satisfied and wants to stop? This takes the pressure off both of you.