Yogurt - a healthy part of your diet....
In a story that has made national headlines, my hometown of Albuquerque, New Mexico has become a hotbed of controversy around whether semen is an acceptable addition to dairy products. You know how you can buy yogurt with a little packet of granola to mix in? Well, one fellow seems to have decided that there should be more selection of additives to this wholesome healthy food.
Story goes that on January 26, 2011, a woman was shopping at Sunflower Market, an organic and health-focused grocery store (I shop there myself). She tried a sample of yogurt, served at one of those little booths, by 31 year-old Anthony Garcia. According to reports, she complained that the yogurt had on odd taste, a taste which she recognized as male ejaculate. The police were called, took her report, confiscated samples of the yogurt, and arrested Mr. Garcia, who had two outstanding warrants for unrelated crimes.
Tests on the samples came back yesterday, and showed that indeed, there was DNA in the yogurt, and the DNA matched Anthony Garcia. According to reports, Mr. Garcia can be prosecuted for Battery against a Person(s), in the same way he would be if he spit on someone.
Let's talk about a few things here. First, all the health aspects. No, not the yuck factors and possible exposure to disease that Mr. Garcia exposed people to, by his actions, but some other aspects that haven't been addressed. Our drive to be healthy and eat healthy is laden in this story. I mentioned granola as a healthy additive to yogurt. Granola was invented back in the days of Graham and Kellog, two enterprising cereal magnates, who incidentally had big problems with sex. Both men believed that food and sex were intrinsically linked, and graham crackers, Kellog's corn flakes, and granola, were all invented to serve as bland, nourishing foods that would not excite people's physiology or sexuality.
Semen is actually a pretty healthy thing, all things considered, and aside from the disease risk. It really is not all that laden with calories, containing only around 5-7 calories, along with: Fructose sugar; Water; Ascorbic acid (a.k.a., vitamin C); Citric acid; Enzymes; Protein; Phosphate and bicarbonate buffers (bases); Zinc and a number of psychoactive neurochemicals and hormones, including prostaglandin, and oxytocin. Studies by Gallup and Burch at the State University of New York have shown that the consumption or absorption of semen is associated with decreased depression and increased feelings of energy, mood and sexual arousal. However, I suspect that the lady yogurt-sampler in question did not feel at all happy or aroused after consuming that grocery-store freebie.
What could Mr. Garcia's motivations be in this case? I certainly cannot claim to have ever treated someone who doctored samples of yogurt with his own bodily fluids, but this kind of activity is not an unheard of thing. A few years back, I recall hearing about a man prosecuted for taking dried up, ground fecal material into grocery stores, and dusting the donuts in the glass cabinets with it. In the movie Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle, there's a scene where a burger-shop worker discloses that the day's special sauce contains a secret ingredient, "Semen," he whispers. In the Ryan Reynolds movie Waiting, angry waiters sprinkle pubic hairs on the food of an unpleasant customer.
So, what are people's (men's - have you EVER heard of a woman doing something this crazy?) motivations? I will suggest that the overwhelming driving force is Antisocial tendencies, and a disposition to treat others as two-dimensional targets for one's anger. People with Antisocial Personality Disorder don't follow the rules, treat others as objects and things to use, are impulsive, and engage in high-adrenaline, stimulus-seeking behaviors. Certainly, sexual fetishes and odd erotic fantasies play a role in these strange behaviors, given the sexualized elements involved. So does impulsivity, and a general lack of restraint on these crazy odd impulses we all get from time-to-time. It seems likely that Mr. Garcia might fit many of these characteristics, by virtue of his apparent criminal history. He's still young, at 31, and is in the age-range where he might be growing out of any antisocial tendencies and behaviors. He probably thought this behavior would be a funny, gross story to tell people, a way to secretly assault the people who came into the grocery store, and make himself feel better, over them somehow. He probably thought it was slightly sexy to have people who didn't know him consuming his ejaculate. And he might have been angry at the store itself, using this as a secret way to get back at them, for some unknown slight.
It could be worse, right? Mr. Garcia could have an STD or HIV, and be purposefully trying to infect others. He could have placed poison in the yogurt instead. This might have gone unnoticed or undetected, save for the wary tastebuds of this female shopper. I predict that those of us reading this will think twice before we take that grocery-store sample, won't we?
