Women Who Stray

Notes on the history and current practice of female infidelity

Kinky Cuckolding Fetish Goes Mainstream

Wives having sex with other men, with their husbands' permission? When I first encountered this phenomenon, around three years ago, I thought this was a rare fetish, a fascinating one, but unlikely to ever be widely practiced or acknowledged. The social and evolutionary programming just seems too strong, suppressing female sexuality and encouraging jealous mate-guarding by males. Read More

Coming out as a Cuckold

While my wife has been taking outside sex partner for over 4 years I for the most part has refused even to myself my pleasure from her actions.
I recently ordered your book finding it fascinating. I had no idea others felt much the same as myself. Up to the present my participation/acknowledgment of her activities has been sharing them with just a few female friends being far too embarrassed to share with male ones. Also purchasing sexy outfits at Victoria Secret for her to wear.
Therefore over the weekend I suggested that her upcoming meeting with a regular (5 or 6 times a year) out of town sex partner take place in our home. He is a Minister ( doctorate in religion) in one of the more liberal churches of which Linda is also a member. They had met at a church convention 4 years ago with it continuing since.
So she talked to him this AM resulting that rather than a hotel he & her will be sharing our bedroom while I will be in the guest room next door the first week in July.
My emotions are very mixed. Excited, nervous, embarrassed & worried but I am determined to explore this experience to it's conclusion.
We both wish to thank you for opening up this path for us.

What "conclusion," you fool?

What "conclusion," you fool? The only possible "conclusion" is divorce or involuntarily celibacy for you. Either way, you're paying for your wife to have sex with other men. What's the matter with you? Get out NOW, while you still can. Contact a divorce lawyer TODAY.

@ Allerious

This remark could have been made by my husband. It's really no so bad being poly with a female.

cuckolding

i wish you best of luck, dont let those taboos get in your way.

Sexual affairs outside of marriage.

My wife had several affairs with different men. I never did. She always loved me and never made it personal to me. We have been married 54 years and we always will be. When we got married. I promise to love her and take care of her until death do us part and I will.

Reply to Sexual affairs outside of marriage by Paul

She loved you because you're doing nothing to prevent her from exploring her sexuality to other men. You're a cuck. Howevr, it is yur choice, open marriage. do you find pleasure from giving her freedom?

To clarify my stance on this lifestyle

I love your comments, but your suggestion that I "opened this path up" for you makes me cringe a wee bit. I don't want to be perceived as an advocate necessarily, for nonmonogamy, for wife-sharing, etc. My stance is an objective one. I believe these lifestyles are unfairly stigmatized, and represent very interesting and informative "living laboratories" about sexuality and relationships. But, they are not for everybody. Probably in fact, they are not even for MOST people. If I am perceived as advocate on anything in this topic, it is that each couple and person should have the opportunity to negotiate their sexuality as they see fit (within bounds of consent and law), without the pressure of bias and stigma.

Response

No need to cringe a I was only referring to your book & study of this lifestyle. I understand that you are only reporting what you have found. However it has been a great comfort to me knowing that in my feelings I am not so alone.
PS If you wish I will be happy to report the results of next week plans either here or in a private e-mail.

Cuckold fantasies among chronic masturbators

Actually, cuckold fantasies are quite common among male chronic masturbators. We translate the humiliation of being masturbators and not "real mean" into an arousal at imagining our wives or girl friends being serviced while we can only watch. Here is a selection of cuckold discussions and stories on my website http://onaniadotorgasm.blogspot.com/search/label/Cuckold

quite common among male chronic masturbators

Richard Lovel wrote:
Actually, cuckold fantasies are quite common among male chronic masturbators. We translate the humiliation of being masturbators and not "real mean" into an arousal at imagining our wives or girl friends being serviced while we can only watch. Here is a selection of cuckold discussions and stories on my website http://onaniadotorgasm.blogspot.com/search/label/Cuckold

There is a lot to this, actually. I masturbate almost everyday and very much would like to become active in the cuckold/hotwife lifestyle. My wife is beautiful, I masturbate to pics of her continually, only orgasm looking at her, etc. One main point though, we rarely have sex. I believe that says everything needed.

Cuckolding Misconception

My lovely wife and i started "swinging" many years ago and I found I enjoyed seeing her enjoy herself flirting, teasing, dancing, making out and being intimate with other men more so than I enjoyed swinging with and enjoying the wives of other men. This led us to begin to seek out and to meet men she was attracted to, men she wanted sexually and I encouraged her.

I enjoyed shopping with her encouraging and supporting her to buy sensually sexy outfit to wear when we went places. Our sex after an evening out was unbelievably amazing that night/morning and even for weeks after an encounter.

Where so many make the misconception about a cuckolded or hotwife marriage is the husband is under endowed or he is a bad lover. That is not always the case. Sexually our passions were high and other women as well as my wife told me I was an excellent long lasting lover. For us and for me especially it was seeing my hot wife release and shed her mommy image and to be a sexy insatiable lover to another man. We have slowed down some now but she is still a hot wife and we still enjoy the occasional erotic encounter.

Compersion

Hi - my husband and I have had a past relationship with another couple and I must say the part we miss is seeing one another receive pleasure from another person. It's not about being "cuckolded." There isn't shame, there isn't a feeling of being "unmanned" in my husband, and there wasn't a feeling of being unable to please my husband in me; we continued being with one another in addition to having our secondary partners. We took pleasure in each other's pleasure - it's called compersion, and unless you've been there, you can't understand it.

I have to reiterate the well

I have to reiterate the well put comments of Russell. I too love to see my wife pleased by other men with me at her side while it is happening. I love the look on her face as another man enters her. There is nothing hotter sexually speaking than to see your spouse hotter and hornier than you knew existed as another man or woman pleases them. I believe the reason so many men and woman enjoy this is the thrill of being watched.

Ask yourself, does it not excite you a little to think you are performing a hot sexual act in front of and for your loved one, knowing they enjoy watching you. We have been married 25 years and the sex between my wife and I has never been better. As Russell stated the sex between us following an encounter or leading up to one is phenomenal. We role play and fantasize about every detail.

Check out the Experience Project website and you will find many men and couples participating in various forms of this life style. From full on cuckoldry to many less degrading forms of men who just like to share their women.

I also think my wife would

I also think my wife would benefit a lot from a boyfriend--another article suggested affairs are good for depressed wives, and she has many worries, some grounded in reality and some not. I'd have no problems with her having a boyfriend, we already had our two kids, and I would love and cherish her even more. But she also has 5,000 years of internalized patriarchal monogamia to overcome before allowing herself to indulge. I sent her both articles. Great series, please continue to explore these topics.

Because you are a presumably

Because you are a presumably leftist product of academia, I can forgive a feminist angle. But explain if you will how paying a woman to fulfill her sex fantasies with other men is even remotely degrading to women? It would seem absolutely degrading to men.

In evolutionary terms, the entire cuckolding phenomenon is unsustainable. Men who get off on watching their wives mate with other men are less likely to reproduce as a group. Consequently, we can look forward to seeing less and less of this silly masochism over time.

Evo Psych Fail

That's not good, current, evolutionary psychology. Try "Sex at Dawn" by Christopher Ryan & Cacilda Jetha, and "The Genial Gene" by Joan Roughgarden. If not the whole books, at least google them.

cuckold reproduction?

First - some animal species (and perhaps humans) pursue a "Hobbs Bargain" mating strategy, mating with a higher-quality female, accepting that she will cuckold the male, but accepting the bargain through the chance that the male will have the opportunity to reproduce with her.

In researching for my book, Insatiable Wives, I found that the majority of these men exploring this fetish are older men who already have had children. In fact, in Roman times, a practice was for men whose wives had lots of children for them, to loan their wives out to other childless men, to help them reproduce.

I think that we are seeing more of this phenomenon now for many complex reasons, but i do not think you can expect it to go away easily or quickly.

david ley

One might also wonder whether

One might also wonder whether a willing cuckold should be defined as such. Much like rape, true cuckoldry is a decidedly one sided schedule of reinforcement. Husbands with a fetish for seeing their wives occasionally mate with other men are in a different context than men who unknowingly raise another man's child.

The nature of internet erotica could partially explain the availability of this fetish, given that almost any taboo can be quickly and disproportionately broadcast through any basic search engine.

The mainstreaming of the cuckoldry fetish may not quickly dissipate, but it could only remain a peripheral phenomenon, because it is a clearly disadvantageous bargain for most men. At best the fetish is a curiosity. At worst, it can prevent certain men from correcting their deficiencies by sexualizing their inadequacies. In any case, it would be strange to advocate such a potentially damaging complex in men.

I'm not surprised that gender feminists informed me of this particular fetish, given that it is a sexual realization of third wave political philosophy. Perhaps the prevalence of that ideology could account for greater numbers of willing supplicants in intellectual circles.

Cuckold Fetish=Feminised Brain Structure?

My guess is that a lot of the men who participate in it have feminised brain structures.

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0191886911001413

And yes, cuckoldry of men is the philosophical core of (gender) feminism.

It would be hard to reduce a

It would be hard to reduce a complex behavior like a male cuckoldry fetish to specific brain structures. Granted, neurotransmitters likely facilitate the physiological experience of reward, however the environmental context of this fetish is a more useful focus for the purpose of psychological practice. Otherwise we're just pushing pills to cure sissy brains.

My primary concern is treatment of men who find themselves engaged in patterns of destructive relationships with certain power hungry women. The fetish colloquially referred to as cuckoldry does not necessarily involve male coercion when a small minority of partners choose to expand their sexual repertoires. It becomes harmful when women use humiliation or the threat of infidelity as weapons against partners.

Male sexual humiliation should be considered a legitimate form of abuse by the psychological community and male clients should be given the skills to avoid the kinds of women who would harm them while seeking and attracting women who would be better prospects.

This focus is deemed controversial by some who refuse to acknowledge the possibility of female wrongdoing, or the necessity for male psychological support.

This article, to its credit, does not do either.

Why I cuckold men

Perhaps if men didn't become the boring, wishy washy sentimental men of today then women would be more likely to have them as their mates. I enjoy cuckolding because it's fun. I like it because I like having a friend in addition to a lover. And please don't think I do it for HIS benefit. It's more for me. I enjoy being one of the cuckolding girlfriend.

You're absolutely right. Men

You're absolutely right. Men should be callous toward women like you. Your kind is unsustainable; an unintended byproduct of a culture that weakens men and pedestalizes women. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Applause

I'm anything but sentimental, yet I much rather have a long-term relationship with a polyandrous woman than one who isn't. Your type is the one I'm most interested in; the proud in-your-face nympho who fuсks whomever she wants to, not because someone asked her to but because that's what her selfish desire is, and just doesn't take shіt from anyone. Thanks for existing!

Why I cuckold men

Did I just write this whole thing and it didn't show up or does it need to be moderated?

Why, oh why?

From a conservative background, I discovered this subject/phenomenon/fetish from my Significant Other who had lived the lifestyle with previous mates before it was known as a lifestyle. It aroused both my curiosity and my libido. We talked about it a lot though he never tried to form my opinion or convince me of anything. The idea took hold of me and I asked that we, too, become involved in living this thing. I'm very glad we did as it satisfies for both of us intellectual, physical and emotional urges that are complex and profound.

My wife and I recently

My wife and I recently started playing around with her flirting with younger men. Not sure where it is going, but she is happy and I am too. Plain and simple, it is fun and interesting. Never thought I would ever permit such a thing, but it really is fun. We both feel very alive. Our feelings for each other are as strong or stronger than ever. I sometimes wonder if seeing her trapped by parenting for so many years played a role...she feels young again and I enjoy that a lot.

With all due respect, that

With all due respect, that kind of thing only goes one direction. If it floats your boat to see your wife sexually involved with other men, who are we to judge? But you should make damn sure you're actually okay with that outcome. If not, you need to set boundaries and be prepared to leave her if she disrespects them.

Humiliation is the key

This phenomenon has at it's core, humiliation, as in masochism -- the need to be punished.

I think it is likely that these men are homosexuals, but were brought up to have very negative attitudes towards homosexuality.

Cuckoldry allows them to be punished for their feelings, but also allows them to view males in the sexual act.

As far as their wives are concerned, they are not jealous because they are not really attracted to her deep down.

I think there can be many

I think there can be many reasons for it, including in some cases what you said about homosexual feelings. I would think it is more often about the relationship between the husband and his wife on some emotional level. I certainly believe you are wrong about husbands not being attracted to their hot wives deep down. To me, I believe the opposite of that statement is at play and the hot wife is deeply loved.

No

False, twice over.

1. I AM into S&M, but my admiration for female polyandry is independent of—and, it appears, greater than—the former. Now, in S&M my favorite combination is female-top-male-bottom, but to me it's about her being dominant rather than myself being submissive (though the pain excites me, too). The only way humiliation would be at the core of my cuckolding fetish, is if I found cuckolding humiliating, but I don't. I don't feel any humiliation with it at all: pure, unadulterated rapture is all I feel even thinking about it. My answer is “No.”

2. I AM sexually attracted to men, but women take the cake. I have no shame about my being bisexual; more than that, I flaunt it halfway as much as I enjoy hearing a woman flaunt her licentiousness (and boy do I enjoy it!). Again, as with my masochism and sadism, my androphilia is an independent component of my sexuality. Or is it? I for some reason like it when a woman displays interest in, you know, guy-on-guy action. *shrugs* Why? Strangely, I have discovered that my attraction to a woman increases the closer her sexual preferences are to that of the stereotypical male, and sapphism is a common fantasy for the average man. MMFs seem very nice. But again, my answer is “No.”

Addendum. I feel no sexual jealousy not because of a lack of sexual attraction but because of an absence of the psychological mechanisms necessary for sexual jealousy to be felt. Let's call it “azealotypia.” Moreover, it makes me feel even more attracted.

Have I surprised you? I hope so. Question everything.

You're welcome to guess again.

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David J. Ley, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and author of Insatiable Wives, Women Who Stray and The Men Who Love Them, available from Rowman & Littlefield Publishers.

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