Women Who Stray

Notes on the history and current practice of female infidelity

by David J. Ley, Ph.D.

Porn Is Not the Problem—You Are

Porn addiction is just a label, but it is really just meaningless words and platitudes that distract from the real issue. Sex and porn aren’t the problems. You are. Read More

Was the Cleveland Kidnapper a Sex Addict?

Alleged Cleveland kidnapper Ariel Castro claims to be a sex addict. The sex addiction industry has spent decades teaching people that when they are in trouble, blaming their problems on sex addiction is an easy way out. But rape, kidnapping and torture are criminal violence - NOT the result of a sexual disease. Read More

Sex Scandal Reflects a Choice, Not a Disease

In yet another celebrity relationship split, the host of TMZ Channel's “My Fair Wedding” is accused of being a sex addict, and that this alleged affliction is the reason for the couple breaking up. But, in a new twist to this old story, the couple involved are both men. Read More

Can a Nice Guy Learn From the Sexiness of the Bad Boys?

For those men out there who worry that they are too “nice,” are there ways that they can borrow some of the bad boy sexiness, while not losing their integrity? Why are women attracted to those bad boys, and what does it say about our society, about men, and women? Read More

When Patients Kill

As the nation faces hard questions about the role of mental illness in violence, I struggle with my own questions, contemplating former patients now in jail for murder. Read More

Sex Addiction: Rejected Yet Again by APA

It was a fight to the finish: would sex addiction be in or out of the new "Bible" of psychiatric disorders? In the end, sex addiction was ruled as "not worth further research" by the American Psychiatric Association. Read More

Why Petraeus is Not a Sex Addict

We can understand why the four-star general made bad decisions about sex without calling it an addiction. Read More

The Hype in Hypersexual Disorder

A new study on hypersexual disorder has been described as proof that sex addiction exists. But what the study actually demonstrates is that the 'disorder' is a culturally-biased phenomenon based on gender values. Read More

Abusing the Term Trauma

The Association for Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS) have organized themselves to certify and train the treatment of “sex addiction induced trauma, defined as the traumatic impact and symptoms caused by sex addiction on self and others.” They are talking about the effects of infidelity. This is trauma? Read More

Insatiable Wife (Teacher) Sent to Jail for Group Sex

Female teachers having sex with male students is an increasing phenomenon in the news. A Fort Worth, Texas teacher is sentenced to jail for five years, in the latest of a long string of cases this year. This epidemic, if that is what it is, invites us to consider ways to address this issue, and protect students and teachers both. Read More

Sex Addiction Should Not Be a "Get out of jail free" Card

Despite the fact that sex addiction is not accepted as a real disorder, criminals around the world are using this label to avoid responsibility for rape, sex abuse, and even murder. Read More

I Wanna Hold Your Hand

When individuals are touching one another's intimate parts ... this is sexual activity that has its ultimate goal of penetration," said Memphis Democrat and minister, John Deberry. So, all intimate contact, all touching, all sexual behaviors, ultimately lead to penetrative sex? What are the dangers of prohibiting such "gateway" behaviors? Read More

The Danger of Hypersexual Disorder

Hypersexual disorder is a proposed addition to the DSM 5, as a area that needs additional research. Unfortunately, the proposal is as badly flawed as the rejected concept of sex addiction. Read More

Is Sex a Gateway to Sin?

According to recent legal activities in Tennessee, and an advocacy group opposed to Planned Parenthood, sexual activity of any kind can serve as a dangerous “gateway” that introduces dangerous ideas to the young and innocent (I work with teens, and there’s not a whole lot of innocents out there, to tell you the truth, so I’m not real sure who we’re protecting). Read More

The Sky Is Not Falling

The certainty that porn is destroying lives comes from a moral panic, not a scientific process. At best there is a debate—at worst, politically-induced morally-driven fear is leading us off a cliff. Read More

Why John Edwards Is Not a Sex Addict

In the past, John Edwards was accused of being a sex addict, based on the scandals involving a mistress and secret sex tapes. But, calling Edwards a sex addict ignores the real issues of ethics and personal responsibility that we should be demanding from our leaders. It also turns normal, though unacceptable, behaviors into an illness Read More

The People Hurt by Sex Addiction

A woman's son was told he was a sex addict, and it must be because he was sexually abused. But was he? Or is this just more evidence of the unethical and dangerous use of the sex addiction label? Read More

The Comforting Fiction of Sex Addiction

I’m sorry to give you the bad news, that if your husband is repeatedly violating your trust, choosing to endanger his own health and safety, as well as yours, it is because he is making a choice to do so. Read More

Why Men Gave Up Polygamy

Why have men in so many cultures given up the right and tradition to have multiple wives? Historically, polygyny has been one of the most common and prevalent forms of marriage, worldwide. Increasing research suggests that many men are not disposed towards monogamy. But, in modern Western culture, men with multiple wives are seen as sinners and lawbreakers. Read More

Sex Addiction: The Null Hypothesis

Science is a human enterprise, like any other. Good science thus works in ways that try to minimize the effects of politics and human convictions. If sex addiction cannot be proven to exist, then scientists must accept the null hypothesis, that it most likely does not. Read More

The Profit in Sex Addiction

One of my favorite sayings has always been, "When all you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail." A similar philosophy applies to the treatment of sexual problems. The label of "sex addiction" is a big, lucrative hammer, and every sexual problem is just asking to be "nailed." Read More

The Addictive Society

Lip balm, tanning beds, Harry Potter. Is there anything that we can't become addicted to? Read More

Putting the “T” in Infidelity

Do your partners' levels of testosterone predict their interest in infidelity? There is building evidence that the hormone Testosterone (called "T") is behind a lot of the physiological and neurological processes that increase the likelihood of infidelity. Read More

Here we go again! Rapist or poor, misunderstood sex addict?

Yet another famous man is in trouble for his sexual behaviors. Dominique Strauss-Kahn, French politician and head of the International Monetary Fund, is under arrest, sitting on Riker's Island, alleged to have raped a female maid at his high-priced hotel. And in less than twenty-four hours, this man has now been misdiagnosed as a sex addict. Read More

Trying to Stop Infidelity Makes It Worse

How hard should you work to prevent your spouse from cheating? Should you check their email and their text messages? Go through their car and pockets and purse, checking for unexplained receipts, or underwear that's not yours? Or can this actually backfire, and make them MORE likely to cheat on you? Read More

Sex Addict? Or Kid in a Candy Store?

"I was like a kid in a candy store," this former officer told me. "Badge bunnies were everywhere." Badge bunnies is the term to describe women who have a "thing" for men in police uniforms. They are to the police and firefighters, what groupies are to rock stars. Some women even make it a competition, to have sex with as many officers as they can. Read More

Let's Do It For Our Country!

Why can't the male political leaders of our country be happy with monogamy? And why can't they take responsibility for their sexual behaviors and inclinations? Read More

What About Love?

So, why are comedic movies about nonmonogamous sex suddenly on everyone's mind, and in every movie theater? Well, we spent the last few years, witnessing sexual scandals galore. Laughter is the best medicine after all. Read More

Semen is NOT an Organic Dairy Product

What would lead a man to put ejaculate in food he serves to other people? Read More

Back Door Psychology

What is with the male fascination with heterosexual anal sex, anyway? Anal sex is a major draw in pornography, women debate whether they should or shouldn't have anal sex, and men obsess about how to convince their female partners to give it a try. Read More

David J. Ley, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and author of Insatiable Wives, Women Who Stray and The Men Who Love Them, available from Rowman & Littlefield Publishers.

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