Who We Are

After reading your article, I wonder what you think about couples who quarrel because one partner has a negative explanatory/interpretive style and the other a positive. You say people can't change their values, but is explanatory style a value and/or can it be changed? Or must we seek out others with the same explanatory/interpretive style?

If one is optimistic. and the other is pessimistic, there might be a difference in the need for acceptance (one might be much more self-confident than the other) or in the need for social contact (one is much for fun loving than the other.) I do think this could cause repeated quarrels, except where the couple learns greater understanding and tolerance.

But people who are pessimistic cannot simply become more optimistic? Does the optimist have to learn to appreciate and understand the benefits (whatever they are) of pessimism while simultaneously learning toleration?

The answer to your question is yes. Besides, it would do the optimist a world to good to understand why the pessimist thinks he is superficial.

What about a situation where the optimist isn't necessarily superficial and is feeling dragged down by the pessimist and requests that the pessimist become a little more positive? Do you support a pessimist's efforts to change in that respect?